Thank you for reading this post and I hope you can give me some insight into what I am feeling. I am a rather stoic individual so when it comes to feelings and emotions I am at a deficit.
I am in counseling and about to dive into the impact multiple sclerosis has and will have on my life. Over a decade into my MS journey, I probably have never allowed myself to truly complete the grieving cycle. I was raised to take your lumps and keep pushing forward. A stint in the military reinforced that type of mentality where emotional struggle was considered a weakness.
In the past week here are a few examples of where MS continued to impact my life:
- Thursday my wife was curious if I would be interested in taking a vacation overseas. Before MS this would have been a no-brainer because I love to travel. The problem is I have physical limitations that would make the trip rather difficult and detract from the overall enjoyment. Being extremely heat intolerant is one of the major limiting factors where even a lengthy plane ride could put my health in jeopardy.
- Saturday there was a birthday party for a childhood friend of mine that I could not attend because it was outdoor (90+ degree weather).
- the church had outdoor water baptisms on Sunday and again the heat prevented me from participating.
- Yesterday, the church also had a meeting about 2020 mission trips and of course the same limitations prevent me from truly considering this as a possibility.
So you can see that I am routinely missing out on opportunities due to MS limitations. Besides the current stuff there are other things that still pester me.
I often tell people that guilt is the proper emotion when you do something wrong. I know I didn't actively do anything wrong to get diagnosed, but I often feel like I have let her down.
- I loved working and it really hurt not being able to continue my career. I still struggle trying to find productive things to do with my life.
- When I got married the plan was for me to continue to work and my wife to stay home. Things didn't work out that way and my wife is still working and I am home on disability.
- We also both loved to travel (over 50 countries combined before we got married), and this just isn't a reality.
So there's a glimpse into what I am dealing with and trying to find the correct way to articulate it for the counselor to best help me.
I welcome any and all opinions about my situation and look forward to learning from our community.
Thank you in advance and I wish you well.
I am in counseling and about to dive into the impact multiple sclerosis has and will have on my life. Over a decade into my MS journey, I probably have never allowed myself to truly complete the grieving cycle. I was raised to take your lumps and keep pushing forward. A stint in the military reinforced that type of mentality where emotional struggle was considered a weakness.
In the past week here are a few examples of where MS continued to impact my life:
- Thursday my wife was curious if I would be interested in taking a vacation overseas. Before MS this would have been a no-brainer because I love to travel. The problem is I have physical limitations that would make the trip rather difficult and detract from the overall enjoyment. Being extremely heat intolerant is one of the major limiting factors where even a lengthy plane ride could put my health in jeopardy.
- Saturday there was a birthday party for a childhood friend of mine that I could not attend because it was outdoor (90+ degree weather).
- the church had outdoor water baptisms on Sunday and again the heat prevented me from participating.
- Yesterday, the church also had a meeting about 2020 mission trips and of course the same limitations prevent me from truly considering this as a possibility.
So you can see that I am routinely missing out on opportunities due to MS limitations. Besides the current stuff there are other things that still pester me.
I often tell people that guilt is the proper emotion when you do something wrong. I know I didn't actively do anything wrong to get diagnosed, but I often feel like I have let her down.
- I loved working and it really hurt not being able to continue my career. I still struggle trying to find productive things to do with my life.
- When I got married the plan was for me to continue to work and my wife to stay home. Things didn't work out that way and my wife is still working and I am home on disability.
- We also both loved to travel (over 50 countries combined before we got married), and this just isn't a reality.
So there's a glimpse into what I am dealing with and trying to find the correct way to articulate it for the counselor to best help me.
I welcome any and all opinions about my situation and look forward to learning from our community.
Thank you in advance and I wish you well.
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