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So what's worse? A husband who shows concern but does little? A husband who showed no concern at all but did almost everything in the house?
As I read others' posts, I have to acknowledge to myself that I have it better than either of those. Although there are often times when hubby appears not to "get it", he doesn't no "little" around the house, and he doesn't show "no concern".
Life could be worse; I am blessed.
~ Faith MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012 (now a Mimibug)
Symptoms began in JAN02
- Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
- In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08. - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.
It is assumed that men are doing their best possible.
It may very well be. Usually the mate does the assuming. In this case she married him. There is a reason. I think that the compassion inherent in a woman isn't limited to rhetoric and emotion but rather embraces both caring and feeling as well as reason and will and then expresses itself in authentic deeds. She does her best possible.
It's assumed that if women aren't doing it, it's because we're slackers, using MS as an excuse.
Neither a woman or a man has the market cornered on MS or how limiting life becomes. You know your mate, the problem may lie elsewhere with MS being the "last straw." I really don't know.
Enough. I probably should keep my responses to myself. My GF is passed and the only thing I'm glad about is that she didn't have to go through my MS.
As I read others' posts, I have to acknowledge to myself that I have it better than either of those. Although there are often times when hubby appears not to "get it", he doesn't no "little" around the house, and he doesn't show "no concern".
I am fortunate too in what my spouse helps with. That being said, he has a tough time when I am worried or struggling - I think it is because he can't fix it and to just listen, is hard for him. He is one not to worry about things, take it as it comes, so part of it is his outlook on life. He is getting better, but I have to tell him upfront that I just need him to listen.
I understand that my husband is disabled - probably much more limited than most people with MS, even. But I think he could be a little more concerned, too. I certainly don't give off vibes that anything is wrong. No one knows I have MS unless I tell them. I know that my fatigue isn't equal to his disability - not even close. And, honestly, when he checked on me when I slept later than I usually do, you might have thought he did something wrong. I really hate that kind of attention and hovering.
The kind of concern I really wish he would show is asking what the MRI results showed, or asking how an appointment went.
And, again to be honest, I have to drag info out of him after his doctor visits. He's just not a talker. Not at all. His cousin stopped going to eat with him, because he would talk for a while and when he said everything that had to be said, he was done. 😄
But still. A girl could use a little attention -on my terms and when (and only when) I'm in the mood for it. 😀
I am fortunate too in what my spouse helps with. That being said, he has a tough time when I am worried or struggling - I think it is because he can't fix it and to just listen, is hard for him. He is one not to worry about things, take it as it comes, so part of it is his outlook on life. He is getting better, but I have to tell him upfront that I just need him to listen.
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