Daisycat -- Optimism vs pessimism

[Mamabug]

Yup; you do.

I might agree if DC's post weren't all over the place, saying happy one minute and then miserable and crying. To me, it says strategy isn't working. Yes, we all have our you and downs, but the frequency of swings is insight to determining how well dealing.

Kathy -- You might be assuming that I believe Daisycat's strategy is "working". I simply was acknowledging that was a strategy that she uses frequently; not that it works. I don't believe that denial and avoidance are healthy strategies.

[Seasha]

Denial and avoidance might not seem like healthy choices to many of us, but I believe that you have found a strategy, Daisy, that works for you in this stage of your life. We can offer strategies that have worked for us, but everyone has different views and different point of reference. I can only hope that each one of us remembers to keep our counsel concerning someone else's situation or actions. Just saying. This can be applied to all walks of life in general! JMHO

I have been in your shoes, Daisy. Of course, over the years, I have changed my perspective. But you are where you are. That's where anyone is. The old adage applies here - "Wherever You Are Is Exactly Where You Need To Be"

You mention finding happiness

With my new actives I’m actually learning to be happy.

and that's wonderful! I hope you continue to find happiness, however you find it in healthy ways, for many years to come and you can eventually add to your happiness quotient and in doing so give yourself some much appreciated TLC, personal satisfaction and contentment.

[pennstater]

Faith - sorry, did assume.

Seasha - agree that we all have our own way of dealing, and may have both good and bad habits. My comment was based on the fact that if it was a strategy that was working well for an individual, there wouldn't be wild swings in ups and downs on a frequent basis, especially without relapses or progression resulting in physical/cognitive/mental losses - a new reason to grieve.

I do hope DC can find peace with whatever strategy she chooses and her ups and downs stabilize more for her own sake.

[Seasha]

Seasha - agree that we all have our own way of dealing, and may have both good and bad habits. My comment was based on the fact that if it was a strategy that was working well for an individual, there wouldn't be wild swings in ups and downs on a frequent basis, especially without relapses or progression resulting in physical/cognitive/mental losses - a new reason to grieve.

I do hope DC can find peace with whatever strategy she chooses and her ups and downs stabilize more for her own sake.

Oh Kathy - I didn't post this because of what you said. It was just my observations in general. That's all!

[kittysmith]

It's been a while.

Good to see nothing has changed since the last time I was here. The same old broken record. I am here for anyone who needs help. But, the board still seems to be monopolized by someone who continues to ask the same question over and over. I just don't get it. Take care guys.

[Daisycat]

Pennstater

the crying is on the days I give myself my medicine. That means I have to think about it. Living off healthy crap and getting up super early to work out has become very Easy.

Even people without this curse cry. It doesn’t mean their life strategy isn’t working. It means something reminded them of something depressing.

I cry every time I hear the song that was played at my best friends funeral and it’s almost been 14 years. So does that mean I haven’t dealt with her death in your view?


Mamabug

denial and avoidance beat misery , planning a trip, and other things.


Seasha


Thank you. I hope this strategy works because I don’t want to go back to the other choice. So far it’s been working.


Kittysmith


Couple things...

i did not start this thread
i did not ask for advice
i wasn’t repeating anything I was saying how it’s going to be for me

[gargantua]

Pennstater
Living off healthy crap and getting up super early to work out has become very Easy.

Right on Daisy. I need some of that mojo in the daily morning workout department.

[pennstater]

Pennstater

The crying is on the days I give myself my medicine. That means I have to think about it. Living off healthy crap and getting up super early to work out has become very Easy.

Even people without this curse cry. It doesn’t mean their life strategy isn’t working. It means something reminded them of something depressing.

I cry every time I hear the song that was played at my best friends funeral and it’s almost been 14 years. So does that mean I haven’t dealt with her death in your view?

Glad eating healthy and working out is easier for you.

If crying 3 times a week works for you, go for it. The fact you think about it and are still crying consistently one year plus after diagnosis seems to infer denial isn't working. But you are the only judge of that.

To me, if I still cried every time I heard a song that reminds me of a great loss in life that was 14 years earlier, it would depend on how often. If I can also celebrate my friend's life, laugh with good memories, and it was rare that I cried, I would think I dealt ok. If I cried 3 times a week, then no, I haven't dealt ok.

But that is me. If crying often works for you and you get on with life after the cry, good for you. I guess I was looking at it that if I cried that often, I would not be enjoying life. But maybe you are - it just didn't seem that way. Hope you are enjoying life.

[Mamabug]

Mamabug

denial and avoidance beat misery , planning a trip, and other things.

The fact you think about it and are still crying consistently one year plus after diagnosis seems to infer denial isn't working.

Daisycat. -- Maybe it's just a matter of semantics. We are likely defining acceptance differently. And denial.

I'm glad that you are sometimes happy. Maybe even often.

I'm glad that you spend less time planning your Switzerland trip. I'm glad that you enjoy your animals. I'm glad that you are eating healthy and working out and setting goals and recognizing gratitude and finding happiness.

Yes; those things beat misery. But those things aren't denial and avoidance. Those things are acceptance. And resilience.

Denial and avoidance aren't working for you. You still cry every time you give yourself a shot. Trying to live in denial and avoidance is creating misery, not beating it.

I'm not sure that you are actually in denial.

There are five stages of grief. Denial. Anger.
Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

If you were in denial, there would be no need to cry. And no motivation to take meds or make healthy lifestyle changes.

Acceptance of MS does not equate to liking it. It simply means that you are not creating a pretend world for yourself.

If you look at those five stages, doesn't acceptance seem preferable to anger, depression and bargaining? And, yes -- even preferable to trying to live in denial. Because you aren't really succeeding at living in denial. If you really were denying that you have MS, you wouldn't be crying.

You seem to have one foot in multiple worlds / stages -- anger, depression, the beginning of acceptance, and maybe more. That's normal. None of us achieve acceptance and stay there all the time. We cycle back through the other stages.

Taking your meds and making other healthy choices is where you intersect with living in acceptance and practicing resiliency. Consider taking additional steps in those directions so you can move out of anger and depression and spend more time in happiness.

[Jules A]

Taking your meds and making other healthy choices is where you intersect with living in acceptance and practicing resiliency. Consider taking additional steps in those directions so you can move out of anger and depression and spend more time in happiness.

I have never been a fan of denial. I know some feel it is a coping mechanism but it hasn't ever seemed to be an option for me. I never really had the support or luxury of spending time not facing the cold hard truth, whatever that might be, head on.

Resiliency is a beautiful term, like a badge of honor, courage that invokes a sense of intestinal fortitude that can only come from within. Unless we have unlimited financial resources and someone who will take care of us I think this is an important trait especially for those with MS.

[Daisycat]

It was a hard few weeks getting up early and I’ll still let myself sleep late sometimes (already planning to sleep all day after disturbed and three days grace)

but I have more energy and after work can work on my pet sitting/delivery stuff or Netflix. It’s nice to have my 15000 steps done by the time I’m home.


Pennstater

it’s mostly on the anniversary of her death or random days that I’ll just feel sad that I’ll cry if I hear it.

But as for the three times a week crying it’s because its a reminder that my life is never going to be what I had planned and I can’t accept that so I’ll keep my mind of it however I can.


Mamabug

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to accept this when I’m still on my bad days planning what I’ll do if I have a flare because I know one thing I’ll never stay another night in a hospital so that doesn’t leave me many options...

I think most people could benefit from being healthier. The way most people eat and live is kind of weird to me now. Although I get smoking... I’ll always miss my sweet nicotine.

Jules

I know the cold hard truth, but if I think about it I’ll be in Switzerland next month and I kinda wanna get another 20 years at least. So I’ll do whatever it takes.

I miss sleeping in sometimes, eating decent food, not working out... but that beats the alternative I imagine.


As for financial resources I’d have enough for whatever route I decided to go worst case... but avoidance is helping.

Not thinking about this has let me have some what of a life. I’m not 100% at not thinking about it since I still gotta give myself my medicine but it’s at least not every day

[Jules A]

It was a hard few weeks getting up early and I’ll still let myself sleep late sometimes (already planning to sleep all day after disturbed and three days grace)

I’m not 100% at not thinking about it since I still gotta give myself my medicine but it’s at least not every day

Three Days is great in concert, you will need to sleep in after that!

Your other comment made me think about all the years I gave my self shots every single day. I think I missed 1 or 2 in >10 years. I would do it TID if I thought it would hold off the monster but am thankful I'm only doing it three times a week now. I definitely believe Copaxone has helped me stay active for so long, that and just dumb luck I suppose.

[Daisycat]

I cannot wait. I’m already ready to go tonight but my friend can’t leave until 2 so I have to wait.

i can’t imagine giving myself shots every day. I would think you would run out of places to inject.

[MyGirlsMom]

Same! And before MS too. I did attend a waterfront sunset yoga with a group of girlfriends one time and it wasn't awful like I anticipated just not my bag. But yeah I probably could use it.

Jules and Pennstater, that is so me!! Turning off the mind is so hard. I guess I am a good girl scout...always prepared. Since leaving my job last month I have gotten better at living in the moment and not planning so much. My mind is finally starting to relax....first time since....well, I don’t know when! Lol!!

[Daisycat]

Three Days is great in concert, you will need to sleep in after that!

.

They were so amazing. I am pretty sure I am going to spend so much money on concerts this summer. I already have 3-4 more I want to go to. I just need to see if my day off requests get approved and see if I can move around my PTO. The PTO isn't that big of deal if I can't since I can work another day to make up for it.... but I also like the idea of being paid to go to a concert.

But PTO is something we are all holding onto right now since we are having issues with certain things , but hopefully it gets better.