How to deal with holiday meals/parties?

[Daisycat]

I know a lot of people here have different approaches to diets and what they eat and do not eat. I am not wanting to start a debate on what someone should eat or should not eat...

I do have a few questions though...

1. What do I do about holiday meals? Last year I was eating "better" , but the only thing I cared about last year was low sodium. This year my list of requirements for what I eat is so long it gives me a headache some days. I don't want to "take a day off" because I would probably feel horrible from eating so much bad food. My dad has already said he is fine with us not having a meal as long as he gets to see me. The problem is my boyfriend's family.

How do I deal with explaining why I am only eating a small amount or avoiding certain things that I used to love?


2. I am going against my anti social nature and going to the work Christmas party. I might end up regretting it.... BUT the old DR that I used to work with is going to be there. He was very helpful with helping me deal with this when I was first diagnosed so it would be nice to at least catch up.

BUT my problem is how can I make a nice "exit" when I have reached my limit of being around people (because some days that is only 5 minutes) and how do I explain why I am not eating.

Being around people can get really depressing for me some days, and I don't want to end up further down my dark hole than I already am. Although since I will probably be the only sober one there it will be nice to have funny stories about everyone I guess.

Thankfully everyone at work already thinks I never eat... but I tell them I eat one meal a day. (Dinner) So this is going to be at night so I am thinking maybe just tell them I went to dinner with a friend already? Technically I am going to dinner with a friend before the party... I am not going to be eating , but she needs someone to go and help save her from her ex husband's family.

[IntoDust]

In order to answer this, it would be helpful if you told us what you can actually eat.
Without knowing the specifics of your diet, the first thing that comes to mind is telling people you’ve been having a lot of allergies so your doctor has you on an elimination diet and you’re just now starting to add certain foods back in. But you have to do it slowly and one at a time.
Of all else fails, tell them you have IBS. No one will want to discuss it further.
As for bouncing out early, I’m a pro at this. It’s called the “Irish Goodbye”. Just dip out when no ones paying attention. I do this to avoid people asking me to stay longer.

[Daisycat]

In order to answer this, it would be helpful if you told us what you can actually eat.
Without knowing the specifics of your diet, the first thing that comes to mind is telling people you’ve been having a lot of allergies so your doctor has you on an elimination diet and you’re just now starting to add certain foods back in. But you have to do it slowly and one at a time.
Of all else fails, tell them you have IBS. No one will want to discuss it further.
As for bouncing out early, I’m a pro at this. It’s called the “Irish Goodbye”. Just dip out when no ones paying attention. I do this to avoid people asking me to stay longer.

I like the IBS or food allergy idea. Right now my diet is VERY strict. I avoid all red meat , dairy , sweets , fried foods , salt ( as much as possible). I try to eat low sodium and low saturated fat every day.

I kind of took all the different diets out there and am mixed them up. I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables , lean/organic chicken and turkey , salmon -( this one is a struggle because I have always despised sea food... but salmon is supposed to be good for you) , try to find gluten free breads when possible.

I am still making changes to my diet and what I do and do not eat since I just started this strict diet a little over a month ago. I've been doing modified fasting a lot which has actually given me so much more energy and helped me sleep so much better. (Part of what has helped me cut down on my anxiety meds... but I am not looking to go through another cold turkey detox of that)

There is just so many different diets out there and they all say different things and all have good information backing them up. So it gets frustrating and confusing to know which one is the best.

[gargantua]

I like the IBS idea!

At a drop-in work party you can surely say you're on your way to dinner or that you just had it. I have found that at work and other parties, people are thinking about themselves far more than they are thinking about me or what I'm eating. Deflect the conversation away from you and what you're eating and get people talking about themselves.

Personally, if it's a private family affair sometimes it is just easier to modify requirements if your diet is generally consistent. For example when I am on my own I never eat dairy or meat and rarely any sugar. At a holiday dinner if there are say, mashed potatoes made with milk, maybe I'll have a little. I might not feel awesome the next day, but eating healthy at all other times does help with quickly getting over a "transgression."

[Jules A]

Of all else fails, tell them you have IBS. No one will want to discuss it further.

Hilarious and effective at the same time. I like it! Although I can't recall that anyone has ever noticed if I was eating or not at the gatherings I've attended.

[Daisycat]

I like the IBS idea!

At a drop-in work party you can surely say you're on your way to dinner or that you just had it. I have found that at work and other parties, people are thinking about themselves far more than they are thinking about me or what I'm eating. Deflect the conversation away from you and what you're eating and get people talking about themselves.

Personally, if it's a private family affair sometimes it is just easier to modify requirements if your diet is generally consistent. For example when I am on my own I never eat dairy or meat and rarely any sugar. At a holiday dinner if there are say, mashed potatoes made with milk, maybe I'll have a little. I might not feel awesome the next day, but eating healthy at all other times does help with quickly getting over a "transgression."

I like the IBS idea a lot. I have always ( since I was a very young girl) had digestive issues if I changed up my diet too much so I am kind of afraid of paying the price for letting myself go even a little.

When I was switching over to eating healthy I felt sick for several weeks. I am pretty sure a lot of it was all in my head , but I am finally in a good place digestion/GI issue wise. I also like the food allergy idea. I will probably use one of those two.

[sarabeach123]

I struggled with this a lot too - the idea that people would be watching me and wondering why I wasn't eating. It turns out no one really seems to care all that much. I often realize that I'm over thinking how much other people are watching and judging me. Most people are wrapped up in thinking about themselves. I always have something in my hand - a bottle of water or a glass of juice or sparkling water perhaps. And there is usually something I can nibble on, a veggie tray perhaps. And if you bring something you are guaranteed for there to be at least one thing you can eat.

[Jules A]

I struggled with this a lot too - the idea that people would be watching me and wondering why I wasn't eating. It turns out no one really seems to care all that much. I often realize that I'm over thinking how much other people are watching and judging me. Most people are wrapped up in thinking about themselves. I always have something in my hand - a bottle of water or a glass of juice or sparkling water perhaps. And there is usually something I can nibble on, a veggie tray perhaps. And if you bring something you are guaranteed for there to be at least one thing you can eat.

Excellent points especially that there is always the veggie tray.

[trevvian]

I prefer not to share vaguely untrue answers lest others ask more questions. With my luck, I'd give the IBS excuse to someone who was just diagnosed with it and wants to discuss in detail!!

With those I know well, I just state the
minimal facts, in advance. For Christmas this year, I sent the host a text that said, "I'd love to come. It's been a crazy season and I'm overcommitted, so I may not be able to stay long, but that's no reflection on my love for you!"

For food issues, well, I don't eat very well now, but when I was, I'd just say something like, "Just trying to eat less refined food right now. Thankfully, I like veggies. What's YOUR favorite snack here?"

I read an article on a 4step process to shut down a conversation politely.

1. Positive statement
2. Fact
3. Reason
4. Question

I'm thankful for GREAT care since my diagnosis with Bubonic Plague. I've been looking forward to this event as a break from thinking about it, so I'd rather chat about the weather. What's your favorite winter activity and why?

My job search is going great. You wouldn't believe how eager people are to help. I've actually met someone who likes llamas as much as you do, so I wanted to ask you about that so I can pass along an idea. What's a great forum to discuss llama grooming?

The food here looks great. I'm actually avoiding fried foods right now as an experiment (or to get a jumpstart on the new year), (or because I'm going to start training for an event). Hey, didn't you do an Ironman once? What was that like?


The key is to deftly point out you don't need their input, that everything is fine and them get them talking about something else. I'm still working on it. But usually, people ask more questions if they feel there's a story than when I summarize the situation, even if, in retrospect, my summary has nothing to do with their question.

[IntoDust]

I prefer not to share vaguely untrue answers lest others ask more questions. With my luck, I'd give the IBS excuse to someone who was just diagnosed with it and wants to discuss in detail!!

With those I know well, I just state the
minimal facts, in advance. For Christmas this year, I sent the host a text that said, "I'd love to come. It's been a crazy season and I'm overcommitted, so I may not be able to stay long, but that's no reflection on my love for you!"

For food issues, well, I don't eat very well now, but when I was, I'd just say something like, "Just trying to eat less refined food right now. Thankfully, I like veggies. What's YOUR favorite snack here?"

I read an article on a 4step process to shut down a conversation politely.

1. Positive statement
2. Fact
3. Reason
4. Question

I'm thankful for GREAT care since my diagnosis with Bubonic Plague. I've been looking forward to this event as a break from thinking about it, so I'd rather chat about the weather. What's your favorite winter activity and why?

My job search is going great. You wouldn't believe how eager people are to help. I've actually met someone who likes llamas as much as you do, so I wanted to ask you about that so I can pass along an idea. What's a great forum to discuss llama grooming?

The food here looks great. I'm actually avoiding fried foods right now as an experiment (or to get a jumpstart on the new year), (or because I'm going to start training for an event). Hey, didn't you do an Ironman once? What was that like?


The key is to deftly point out you don't need their input, that everything is fine and them get them talking about something else. I'm still working on it. But usually, people ask more questions if they feel there's a story than when I summarize the situation, even if, in retrospect, my summary has nothing to do with their question.

This response is way better and much more mature than my “tell them you get diarrhea” suggestion. But for those of us who hate small talk, and Daisycat has told me she’s not a fan of it either, it could lead to a really awkward situation. For an introvert nothing is worse than getting stuck having a conversation you don’t feel like having.
But if you like the person and have some common interests, this is pretty solid advice.