Is it possible to get over the humiliation of this

[Jules A]

When I see someone with an obvious mobility issue doing their own shopping at the grocery store I admire their perseverance. When I see someone traveling alone with blindness I admire their bravery. If you look at the stats on preexisting conditions in this country there are millions upon millions of people dealing with serious health issues.

I am way more compassionate, patient and helpful now than I ever was before when I see people with disabilities. I usually feel empathetic toward them. You are correct there are millions upon millions dealing with serious health issues and if we live long enough pretty decent bet we will be one of them regardless of MS or not.

Mods, please don't close this thread as long as people are interested enough to keep contributing and it isn't contentious. As they say:
One man's trash is another man's treasure...

[Seasha]

Thanks, Jules. We have no intention of closing this thread unless Daisy, the original poster, wants it closed, or like you said, until it becomes enduringly contentious. There have been invaluable and frank comments here.

Daisy, I wish you well!

[Mamabug]

I am way more compassionate, patient and helpful now than I ever was before when I see people with disabilities. I usually feel empathetic toward them...

Yup. We have choices. We make choices.

We make choices about how we view others. We make choices about how we treat others. We make choices about how we view ourselves. We make choices about how we respond to what happens to us. We make choices about our own happiness and misery.

We make choices about practicing serenity, courage and wisdom.

We make choices about compassion for others.

Daisycat makes different choices than I do.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

[Myoak]

Yup. We have choices. We make choices.

We make choices about how we view others. We make choices about how we treat others. We make choices about how we view ourselves. We make choices about how we respond to what happens to us. We make choices about our own happiness and misery.

We make choices about practicing serenity, courage and wisdom.

We make choices about compassion for others.

Daisycat makes different choices than I do.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Really a great post, Mamabug!

It is such a pleasant delight to know you in a limited way on this board and to like both you and Daisycat a great deal even though you two are very different people.

The people I have issue with are those who are grossly biased and refuse to recognize anything or anyone outside their personal prejudices. I have a real problem with people I consider unfair and I have no trouble informing them of it, either, although I'm sure I have room for lots of improvement in that area.

The differences we discover in those we encounter should cause us to grow, change, and develop as a person. We will understand each other better. We will have greater compassion for others as we understand the pressures which assail them. They may be and probably are different. But we are drawn closer when we encounter and love someone just as we find them.

I attended a church years ago in Farmington, NM. The pastor, John Schrock, said the principle guiding his ministry was this directive which he attributed to God... "you love them, I'll change them". What wisdom. It relieved Pastor Schrock of a good bit of pressure and worry about the behavior of those attending church. During the 3+ years I went there I saw significant changes in people, especially those on the fringe or perhaps, someone barely able to cope, or in others who would not be welcomed in most churches, or would be an embarrassment. Grace to others should extend as far as necessary to love someone in spirit and in truth, for real. I'm not talking about surface syrup or phony pretense. I mean the real thing. If you find or encounter a real diamond as you journey through life does it matter if there is dirt on it? People are so much more than a diamond.

Do we not all believe that love changes us? Changes everyone? It does not matter if you believe in God for that principle to be effective. You don't have to believe in the law gravity for it to work; or any other true law found anywhere in the universe. A true law works, otherwise it is not a law of nature. Those who are Christians know the bible simply states... "God is Love". Those who do not believe in God know love when they encounter it. No one has to believe in God to be affected by love. Love is universal. Every person is affected by it. Even pets and animals are affected by it. And, it affects the world in a very good way.

Talk about a stress reliever; talk about comfort, assurance, strength, security. A person who knows they are loved just as they are is bound to develop the peace of mind enabling better decisions and judgements than if they were confused by the stress of turmoil.

Frankly, and I am speaking in an altogether appropriate manner, it is not difficult to love two people as different as Mamabug and Daisycat. I respect each for who they are and count it my privilege to have the access and contact made available by this site. Oh, believe me, I am not the only one who appreciates the wonderful openness and honesty of each of you. We are all richer for knowing you, Daisycat and Mamabug. You both have wonderful effect on us being who you are. Thank You!

[pennstater]

I also believe that people can deal with it how they want. What is disabling to one person may not be to another. Everyone has their own tolerance.

What I do have a problem with is a thread, actually multiple threads started on the premise of looking for help, when in reality, that is not what was wanted.

So yes, start threads, but be open and up front as to what the purpose is. That way, people can stay out if not their thing. And telling people just to avoid your posts Daisycat, may one day backfire when you truly want help for something. I for one am checking out of this thread and truly regret the time I have spent trying to help on this and other threads.

[marti]

I also believe that people can deal with it how they want. What is disabling to one person may not be to another. Everyone has their own tolerance.

What I do have a problem with is a thread, actually multiple threads started on the premise of looking for help, when in reality, that is not what was wanted.

So yes, start threads, but be open and up front as to what the purpose is. That way, people can stay out if not their thing. And telling people just to avoid your posts Daisycat, may one day backfire when you truly want help for something. I for one am checking out of this thread and truly regret the time I have spent trying to help on this and other threads.

Pennstater, agree.

[Mamabug]

Really a great post, Mamabug!

It is such a pleasant delight to know you in a limited way on this board and to like both you and Daisycat a great deal even though you two are very different people.

Frankly, and I am speaking in an altogether appropriate manner, it is not difficult to love two people as different as Mamabug and Daisycat. I respect each for who they are and count it my privilege to have the access and contact made available by this site. Oh, believe me, I am not the only one who appreciates the wonderful openness and honesty of each of you. We are all richer for knowing you, Daisycat and Mamabug. You both have wonderful effect on us being who you are. Thank You!

Thank you.

[Mamabug]

...
What I do have a problem with is a thread, actually multiple threads started on the premise of looking for help, when in reality, that is not what was wanted.

So yes, start threads, but be open and up front as to what the purpose is...

It's very possible that Daisy's initial post on this thread was the intended purpose. Daisycat certainly seems to be searching for something. Her search might be for help, even when she does not appear to be very open to receiving it.

I have been a semi-regular poster on this thread. Sometimes, I have posted frequently; other times, I've stayed away for awhile. I think the suggestion to stay away if the thread bothers you is reasonable.

I hope that Daisy will begin to choose acceptance and happiness, rather than denial and misery. Her current choices are becoming / have become a self fulfilling prophecy. Sadly, she has become the person who loses the most from her choices. Life, even with MS, can still be full.

[Boudreaux]

A person who knows they are loved just as they are is bound to develop the peace of mind enabling better decisions and judgements than if they were confused by the stress of turmoil.

That's worth hanging on the fridge right there.

[Daisycat]

Jules –



I guess I always figured I would be one of those old people still traveling and living with their spouse in my old age. Everyone in my family is like this so for me this thing is very shocking. They have minor health issues but nothing like this. I always thought I was going to grow old with my boyfriend and we would retire on my dog rescue farm. It saddens me that this will probably not happen.


Seasha -



Thank you… this thread is a huge help for me

Mamabug –


Yep we all make different choices and I do not think either of them is really wrong. And my initial purpose of this thread was what I asked. I got my answer and now it has become very helpful to me in other ways. I honestly no matter how hard I try do not see how a life with this thing can be full once it gets to my nightmare phase. Not being able to do simple day to day tasks would be devastating.


Myoak -


My main fear is that if people really knew what was wrong with me they would not love me anymore and once my boyfriend becomes my caretaker he will stop as well. It is my second greatest fear with this.

Pennstater –



The problem I have is when people can’t accept the choices I have made and think the advice they offered was not worth anything. In reality everything said on here was a big help in me deciding to wait to go to Switzerland. To be honest I was ready to go next month…

[Mamabug]

I guess I always figured I would be one of those old people still traveling and living with their spouse in my old age. ... I always thought I was going to grow old with my boyfriend and we would retire on my dog rescue farm. It saddens me that this will probably not happen.

… this thread is a huge help for me

Yep we all make different choices and I do not think either of them is really wrong. And my initial purpose of this thread was what I asked. I got my answer and now it has become very helpful to me in other ways. I honestly no matter how hard I try do not see how a life with this thing can be full once it gets to my nightmare phase. Not being able to do simple day to day tasks would be devastating.

My main fear is that if people really knew what was wrong with me they would not love me anymore and once my boyfriend becomes my caretaker he will stop as well. It is my second greatest fear with this...

... In reality everything said on here was a big help in me deciding to wait to go to Switzerland. To be honest I was ready to go next month… [/FONT]

Daisycat -- none of us can predict the future. If it wasn't MS, we could have been hit by a bus, we could have developed terminal cancer, we could have been permanently disfigured by a fire, we could have been swindled by a trickster and lost our savings, our house, our car. Any number of things could have happened to us. And still could.

It just seems like such a waste of your life to choose to remain miserable when happiness and contentment is within reach.

I'm glad thus thread has been a help to you. I challenge you to start your gratitude journal today if it's not started yet. Having a boyfriend who loves you can be your first entry. Finding MS World helpful can be your second entry. You can even look back on your day to see if you can discover a third entry for today. One entry per day is enough. More is better.

I took my own advice and started one today. I used to have one, but haven't for awhile. It's a good habit -- whether you are a glass half full person or a glass half empty person.

It helps us to focus on the present. On what was good. Today.

Instead of worrying about what might go wrong on the distant future.

It helps us to notice and acknowledge our blessings.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

[Daisycat]

I lived through a fake terminal cancer scare and looking back I don’t think I was anywhere near as scared as I am now.

I knew if I decided to live what to expect and what would happen. I knew I had options I could use right away.

This curse terrifies me because I could wake up tomorrow blind and paralyzed. I mean I was 100% ok that Monday morning and by that afternoon I couldn’t see normal. That came on so suddenly so what’s to say something else won’t.

Not it saying I wish I had terminal cancer or this curse is as bad as terminal cancer. Just for me that prospect didn’t scare me as bad as this does.

I might try that journal tomorrow. Today was crappy. One of my favorite patients passed away, payroll messed up my paycheck and only paid me for one week. (So I’m out all my vacation hours. It’ll be fixed but not until at least next week)

one of the balls on my new piercings fell out and I thought I was going to pass out when I was getting it fixed. And my friends dog has cancer.

I’ll try the journal tomorrow. Tonight I just want to hug my dog and forget about today.

[Mamabug]

...

I might try that journal tomorrow. Today was crappy...

I’ll try the journal tomorrow. Tonight I just want to hug my dog and forget about today.

Sorry about your bad day. Yeah -- tonight, just hug your dog.

But I feel encouraged that you plan to start your journal. :-)

Sometimes, going through the motions can help us to recognize the parts if our lives that are good and take some of the focus off the parts that are discouraging or scary. And, yeah. MS can be both.

[Daisycat]

Yes I will definitely try that journal tomorrow. Today just started out bad when I checked my bank account and my check was half what it should be... just got worse.


But tomorrow I get to see one of the first puppies , that had parvo, that I helped care for. Seen many since but he was my first tine I was the only tech responsible for him.

I say puppy but he’s almost four now. To me he will always be that little puppy.. so that’s at least one thing I can add.

[Mamabug]

:-)

Sounds like you really get a lot of rewards from a job you love.