Today I found out that I have a lesion in the cervical area.
My Nuero had ordered MRIs for my neck and lower back after he found more lesions in my brain then before.
The plan is to switch me over to Gilenya since it seems that the Rebif, I've been taking for over 13 years, isn't effective anymore.
I asked what that meant - having a lesion there - he said that could/would give me mobility problems, when it flares.
What surprises me is my reaction to the news. I'm not freaked out by it. Maybe it hasn't sunk in or maybe I'm a little relieved. I knew eventually the Rebif would stop working and lived in fear because of it. Now it has happened. Life goes on. I still needed groceries and cat litter. But, I also now need to realistically plan for the future, as much as I can and keep fighting.
Another thing. As I rode home on my bike from the Nuero, I saw myself riding faster down streets and around corners. But, going to the Nuero., I had taken these corners, etc. much slower and with greater care. It's not a death wish. I'm not crossing six lanes of traffic against the light or anything. I just suddenlyfelt that I didn't need to be afraid all the time.
I don't know what the future will bring. I'm sure I'll swing from despair to hope and back again countless times.
All I know is that the air felt warm when I rode home today, the glow of the sunset was kind to my eyes and I ate some fresh pears and yes, I got some hard facts.
It would be trite to say I was living in the moment but I guess I was but I didn't expect it this way. It was a mix bag of good and bad tumbling over each other until I couldn't distinguish one from the other at times.
Lucia
My Nuero had ordered MRIs for my neck and lower back after he found more lesions in my brain then before.
The plan is to switch me over to Gilenya since it seems that the Rebif, I've been taking for over 13 years, isn't effective anymore.
I asked what that meant - having a lesion there - he said that could/would give me mobility problems, when it flares.
What surprises me is my reaction to the news. I'm not freaked out by it. Maybe it hasn't sunk in or maybe I'm a little relieved. I knew eventually the Rebif would stop working and lived in fear because of it. Now it has happened. Life goes on. I still needed groceries and cat litter. But, I also now need to realistically plan for the future, as much as I can and keep fighting.
Another thing. As I rode home on my bike from the Nuero, I saw myself riding faster down streets and around corners. But, going to the Nuero., I had taken these corners, etc. much slower and with greater care. It's not a death wish. I'm not crossing six lanes of traffic against the light or anything. I just suddenlyfelt that I didn't need to be afraid all the time.
I don't know what the future will bring. I'm sure I'll swing from despair to hope and back again countless times.
All I know is that the air felt warm when I rode home today, the glow of the sunset was kind to my eyes and I ate some fresh pears and yes, I got some hard facts.
It would be trite to say I was living in the moment but I guess I was but I didn't expect it this way. It was a mix bag of good and bad tumbling over each other until I couldn't distinguish one from the other at times.
Lucia
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