Bad Stretch of Days

[Portia]

Don't want to worry my husband, but he can tell I don't feel good. And, I am sure he doesn't want to hear about all the nerve pain and fatigue. So much that the two days of the week I should be able to enjoy just amount to me struggling through, not getting anything done and not even able spend an hour at the library without having to sit down half the time instead of browse the books. Feeling defeated. Feeling sorry for myself. Been fighting tears half the day, just so hubby won't see. It scares him.

[poohb3ar]

bless your heart!

sometimes it does all just pile up too high and we've just got to cry to let it out.
i know i do about once a week or so.
i hate that the MonSter has got you so bummed. have you talked to dr about how you're feeling?
depression is common for MSrs. it's nothing to be ashamed of and dr can help with meds and/or therapy.

i know it's helped me through some tough bouts.

you're husband sounds like he cares. he may feel left out if he thinks you're feeling bad but won't talk to him. sometimes in not knowing, someone imagines even worse than situation really is.

you could use the support.
this site has a lot of caring, wonderful people who understand what you're going through. we're here to help.

i care and will pray that you get to feeling better physically & emotionally

take care & God bless ya!

[pennstater]

Hi Poetia,

All understandable feelings. My husband also used to get scared when he saw me upset, fearful, in pain, etc.. But we have cone along. I let him know that I am having a bad day, more upset than normal. He just gives a hug, wishes he can fix it, knows he can't.

When I was still working, every weekend was like you described. Sincenot working, this happens, but nowhere as frequent. Partly because not so exhausted from working and pseudo symptoms due to that fatigue

I was like you, trying to hide it as I didn't want to worry my husband, but I could no longer hide it. He was actually glad that I finally let him in and leaned on him for strength.

I hope you feel better soon.

[REG53]

Hello Portia, I am so sorry you are having to deal with the physical sx's of MS but also emotional feelings. I know how hard it can be trying not to let your husband see how much you are hurting but also needing his support. It sounds like he cares about you and he may want you to always tell me how you are feeling.

Trying to hide your sx's is putting a lot of emotional stress on yourself which you do not need.

I hope you feel better soon. Saying a prayer for you.

[Waydwnsouth1]

I understand where you are coming from. I try to hide things from my DW because she worries so much. Right now though it's hard to hide because I'm in a major flare. She has been very supportive. Believe REAL MEN DO CRY!! I've had my moments in this flare that I felt so bad and was so scared that I did cry. My DW shared her feelings that she wa scared too but together we will get through it.

It always help to have someone to talk to. Share your feeling with your husband he worries about you anyway.

Good luck to you and I hope you start feeling better soon!!

[Windwalker]

Don't want to worry my husband... fighting tears half the day, just so hubby won't see. It scares him.

Your husband needs to be more of a pillar of support for you...if not him, then who? Your crumbling, yet your main concern is hiding your needs from him instead of going to your partner for support.

[hunterd]

you need the support, and who is better at giving it than your best friend. let him help you. fill him in, he maay be thinking something far worse than you are going thru.

[Portia]

Many wise and spot on words from many caring people. Thank you all. I've given it a lot of thought, and I've come to realize that part of my problem is also that I am stubborn. I've always been extremely independent and reluctant to ask for help. Even admitting weakness, sadness, or pain is difficult for me. I'm critical, especially of myself, and tend to hold myself to impossibly high standards. I feel I should be able to handle anything on my own. I tend to get angry and just close things off.

So I've stubbornly clung to the mind over matter idea, telling myself that if I take my meds and go about my business my body will cooperate. If I pretend I feel ok, my body will follow suit. If I ignore it it will go away, right? Wrong

One other thing. I'm also avoiding telling my husband how I feel because when I've done that in the past he tells me to go to bed, take Motrin, etc. Neither of those things help. Motrin doesn't work on nerve pain. I have Gabapentin for that, and I am starting to take more when necessary, but I try not to. And for me, fatigue doesn't mean I'm sleepy. Sleepy has nothing to do with it, and I feel just as lousy lying down as sitting on the couch. And he's sure that I just need more rest. I'm sick of resting.

I'll try to start telling him how I feel when I'm struggling. Maybe he'll get it if I'm more honest with him. I think it's going to be hard for me to tell him. Not kidding a bit. And I really really don't want him being scared for me when I break down and cry from feeling helpless. At least I don't want to see it. Me being selfish maybe, but I saw what that looks like when I had a close call giving birth to our daughter. So I'm scared yeah. I'm scared of his response.

Maybe if I can just get past the first time, telling him how I feel like my life is being stolen week by week, each week that goes by without me being able to do things, simple things like enjoy an hour at the library or clean my kitchen, then I'll be able to get past it somewhat. Thank you all for your understanding, prayers, and words of wisdom. Sigh, this is hard.