Lonely Thanksgiving.

[kittysmith]

My husband, son and I spent Thanksgiving together (in the same house). My husband had to study for a test and write a paper. We didn't even have a meal together. Then, my family never called. Not once. When I tried to talk to my brother and mom about how it hurt my feelings, my brother just scoffed, and my mother is mad at me for bringing it up.

I'd like to think I have a supportive family, but I guess I don't. My father held us together. When he died, all bets were off. I am feeling so alone and afraid for my future.

My mother told me last night that she wished I had never been born. All I have ever been is a problem. She doesn't like my personality and she doesn't want to talk about my problems. She is too old to be dealing with me.

My family has treated me this way my whole life. It's just gotten worse since Dad's been gone.

An people wonder why I have no self esteem. I would never treat a friend like this. What does it say about me that my own family doesn't even remember me at Thanksgiving?

Sad Kitty

[Portia]

I'm sorry Kittysmith,
Holidays are hard without loving friends and family around. I live in the middle of nowhere with my hubby and two adult daughters who will most likely be out on their own next year. All my extended family live at least two states away. One year I volunteered at the local community dinner just to be surrounded by people. I'll be back to putting myself out there and reaching out to others like that soon I'm sure, because loneliness is so much harder at the holidays.

Your brother sounds like mine. My mom and I talk regularly, but it can be trying for me because sometimes all she does is complain. Listening to her gripe for 20 minutes wears me out. As for the holidays, I have considered getting involved at the local senior center too. Family just isn't enough sometimes.

Hugs

[fishead]

Kittysmith,

I am so very sorry to hear your woes. They are justified yet so sad. Sending you big hugs {{{Kittysmith}}} and bright vibes for more colorful and kind "tomorrows".

[SNOOPY]

Hi kittysmith,

My mother told me last night that she wished I had never been born. All I have ever been is a problem. She doesn't like my personality and she doesn't want to talk about my problems. She is too old to be dealing with me.

My family has treated me this way my whole life. It's just gotten worse since Dad's been gone.

I would like to gently suggest seeking the help of a Psychotherapist who can help you work through your difficult family history and how it has made you feel.

Sometimes distancing yourself or cutting ties, from a hurtful and uncaring mother can be the right thing to do, for you, your self-esteem, and your mental health.

[kittysmith]

Thanks, Portia.

I am trying not to let it get me down. I love my husband's family so much. I am blessed to have them. I had no idea how little I meant to my family until my Dad wasn't there taking up for me and sitting in my corner.

Now, it's just me and the 2 meanies. Thank goodness I live 8 hours away. I know my mom has issues at 81, but nothing like my life. My dad ended up in a rest home all alone because she thought it would be too gross to have to deal with his bathroom habits and helping him. She said she felt uncomfortable taking care of a man (whom she was married to for 56 years) He gave up. He had nothing to live for, so he went into hospice care and died a few years ago. He just couldn't take it anymore.

My mom likes to talk a good game, but she lived a pretty easy life. We were middle class, but didn't want for anything. My dad had to work 2 jobs so mom could shop all day and go to coffee with her friends. All she ever did was complain that we didn't live on the right side of town. She always wanted more, more, more. She quite literally worked him to death. She beat me, put me down, called me names, and threatened me with a knife. She told me I would never ammount to anything.

I, on the other hand, have to work to support my husband and son, who has special needs, take care of the house all while dealing with MS. My mother has no clue how good she had it. I don't mind working hard. I'm thankful that I still can.

My mother has hurt me all my life. She wanted us to look like the perfect family. She could never accept that I had my own ideas and ways of doing things. I never did anything wrong. I didn't drink, smoke, curse, or do drugs, but she was constantly asking herself where she went wrong. I got a college degree and have been working steadily since I graduated in 1991.

I know I need to let go of her. She does nothing but makes me feel bad about myself. I just want to make my dad happy by being the best daughter I can be. It was always enough for him. It will never be enough for her.

[Seasha]

I know I need to let go of her. She does nothing but makes me feel bad about myself. I just want to make my dad happy by being the best daughter I can be. It was always enough for him. It will never be enough for her.

Wow kitty - this makes me so sad to hear about your relationship with your mother. You know you are a good person and that's all that really matters. Intellectually, you've figured what you need to do about letting this (and her go), but emotionally, it probably hurts like crazy.

As a growing child, I was told by a parent I would be a mess when I grew up, told that I couldn't do anything right, etc. It left so much damage to my psyche and haunted me for well into middle age. Professional help with a good therapist years later helped me immensely!

I hope you can put this behind you. You have a good support system in place with your in-laws and your husband and son. Let that be your strength!

Take care
Btw, how did your gall bladder surgery go? Did you fair well enough and not have any MS symptoms flare up?

[palmtree]

Oh Kitty,

My heart hurts that your mother would say such a cruel thing. You have made a good life for yourself with your husband and your son. That's what matters. We can't choose our family of origin. You husbands family sound terrific, too. They are you family.

I hope you can take extra good care of yourself. Sometimes it takes a few days to heal from a conversation like that. You don't need that woman in your life.

I had that mother, too. But I told her I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She felt abandoned and called a therapist. We went in for a few sessions and I socked it to her. But it didn't heal the relationship. It took years of physical absence to change things. My dx and her illness las summer have made things a little different. She is kind to me and I am kind to her. I never thought we'd get there.

You are not alone. My family ain't perfect either. But they do their best.

[fishead]

Hi kittysmith,


Sometimes distancing yourself or cutting ties, from a hurtful and uncaring mother can be the right thing to do, for you, your self-esteem, and your mental health.

DITTO what Snoopy said, for SURE!!

[kittysmith]

Thankful for you all.

Didn't mean to leave anyone out. Portia's response was the only one I saw. You guys are great.

She is a bitter old woman. I am so glad my son doesn't have to be around that. He has never really liked her. Even when he was a baby he always cried around her.

My whole life has been based on trying to please her. I have to remove myself from the situation. The negativity is weighing me down. MS already messes with me mentally and physically. She's like a disease I was born with and have spent my life trying to overcome.

I am not a failure because she tells me I am. I have the control. It is possible. It's an uphill battle for sure. I have to dig way down to find it, but it's there. It seems so much worse when you don't have the physical energy to push yourself along.

Thanks for listening, my friends. Love to each of you.

[fishead]

I am not a failure because she tells me I am. I have the control. It is possible. It's an uphill battle for sure. I have to dig way down to find it, but it's there. It seems so much worse when you don't have the physical energy to push yourself along.

Thanks for listening, my friends. Love to each of you.

We love you BACK, kittysmith! You are absolutely CORRECT when you say that you are NOT a failure because she tells you you are!!!!!

[palmtree]

"She's like a disease that I was born with and have had to spend my life trying to overcome."

So perfectly stated! Just remember, she is not you or your life. You live far away in a land where no one says things like that with your husband, your son and his family. That's the life you made.

On a sadder note, many times when I as a young woman, the thought crossed my mind that the disease that mommy dearest was sticking in me was going to develop into MS. I hope this isn't true for many women with MS.

I try not to think about it this way. Doing things for my son always helped. We would bake cookies or he liked to help me make apple pies. Then I would make a special dinner like lasagna or pizza, put a log on the fire and start planning Christmas gifts.

My husband was supportive. He would see the look on my face and know she got me again.

[ChristopherG]

Kittysmith, I am so sorry for you. To have a family that doesn't understand. My holiday was lonely also. I never married and all my friends have drifted away. I live with my bed ridden mother and she's unable to communicate. My sister came down to help with my Moms needs, and that was my only association that I had over the Holiday.

[pennstater]

Hi Kitty,

Sorry to hear how your mother treated you. as well as your brother. I am so glad that you are in a place where you know what your mother says is not true about yourself. You have many things to be proud of. Often, when someone bullies like that it is either how they were raised or the things they say are really a reflection on themself and their own insecurities.

Unless you can alienate the pain, it sounds like you are better off keeping your distance. Focus on the people who are there for you and on things that make you feel better.

You have been thru a lot. I admire your strength and courage.

[kittysmith]

Surgery

Btw, how did your gall bladder surgery go? Did you fair well enough and not have any MS symptoms flare up?[/QUOTE]

My surgery went well. I'm already back at work. Thanks so much for your responses.

Kitty

[Marie12]

kittysmith, we are all very glad you are ok

This MS stuff is for the birds, isn't it. The local MS group had one of those "walk in mud" things at their summer party. It kind of confused me. We can't walk the way it is. Is it funny when we fall down in the mud?

Well, I didn't go. I guess I haven't realized all my forgiveness for having MS. I don't want to get all muddy, and I don't find it humorous at all, to see other people with MS to get all muddy after their fall. Now, there are some people I'd like to get covered in mud. But they are the ones who wouhttp://msworld.org/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gifld never go