At my wits end!!

[Waydwnsouth1]

I am not sure what to do or how to handle this situation. My DW whom I love deeply was all over me this morning, the morning of our 31st anniversary, about finding a job that provides benefits. The job I currently have does not offer any type of benefits package.

I currently work in sales which 100% commission. As my MS started progressing it greatly affected my income. That has left us in a struggle to make ends meet every month.

I am not opposed to changing jobs as a matter of fact I have been looking for quite some time but the only responses I get is for insurance sales. I want to get away from a commission based pay and get back to a salaried job.

One of my worst symptoms is pain which I suffer with in my legs. After years of trying everything known to mankind. I have ended up on morphine.

So my problem is I am a 58 year old man with MS forget the medications I take who would possibly hire me? We even watched a program together about MS and there was a comment made about getting hired with MS and how difficult it can be. Most can hide the fact and not disclose it but I walk with a cane. Without I would be in serious trouble.

The problem is she doesn't want to hear all that. She thinks I just don't care. Which couldn't be farther from the truth. I don't really have a question I just needed to get this off my chest. I have no one else to talk to so I came here to just clear my mind.

I wish I knew how to explain to her that I care deeply. And my concern is as equal as hers. But she doesn't believe me when I try. So I iust keep my shut and take the tongue lashing that I don't feel like I deserve but it is what it is. Anyway I'm done and thanks for listening.

[palmtree]

What if you came into the interview in a wheelchair? It's illegal to deny people with disabilities. If you walk with a cane it signals MS but, somehow a wheelchair puts you in a different status. If they ask why you are in a wheelchair, you were in an accident.

You don't have to be ashamed about being on morphine. Im sure it's given at responsible doses and you are not abusing it. It will not affect your work performance. I've heard they do drug testing for people getting jobs now. I think it's an invasion of personal privacy. If someone can do the work they should be allowed to work.

[hotdiggitydog]

just a different perspective....

Sometimes fear will make a person lash out and say something that they do not mean. Could it be that she knows how hard you've been trying to find another position but she is scared from the lack of prospects?

Or simply frustration? Frustration that you try so hard and haven't had the results you want. Those of us with spouses who have MS have to deal with that same frustration and fear that you do and sometimes we do not deal with it well.

For me, a hug and an acknowledgement that my DH is scared for the future goes a long way. It makes me feel not so alone and reinforces that it's okay for me to have these feelings too. MS is difficult for everyone involved.

[KatieAgain]

Does your spouse have a job with benefits?

[palmtree]

I agree with Katie. She should not be putting all the burden on your shoulders when you have MS, for Heavens sake.

[Waydwnsouth1]

Thank you all for the replies.
Palmtree...it is illegal to discriminate against people with disabilities but it happens and there is nothing we can do about it. I'm not ashamed about taking morphine. I take at prescribed and function as normal on it. I saw a program a couple of weeks ago where it was said that people with MS pose a liability to companies. If we fall on the job we could file for workers compensation. I can't recall the name of the program but I remember thinking I never thought about that.

Hotdiggitydog......I let my wife know that I'm scared for the future myself but if we stick together we will make it through. When they say MS is the most expensive disease one can have I believe them. I cannot tell how many thousands of dollars we have come out of packet over the last 13 1/2 years. It has cleaned us out. So yes there is plenty of frustration and anger. I wouldn't necessarily directed towards me all the time but more at the situation. but it is what it is. I called the NMSS yesterday and the referred me to an Agency here in Louisiana that helps people such as myself find work. I talked to them today and they are mailing me a letter for an appointment. So we will see how that goes.

Katieagain.....She does have a job with benefits. But that is all changing on 10/31 and we have no idea what kind of benefits we will have. It's complicated.

Let me end by saying I want to find something else to help my self esteem. I was raised that the man provides for the family and I haven't been able to do that. Yeah I know I have an unusual circumstance but I can at least try.