I can't do anything right

[lstrl]

It never fails, everything I do is wrong. Paying someone to cut my grass makes me extremely lazy, even though I could barely walk when I tried it myself. I wake up with a terrible avonex headache, so I stay home and go back to bed. That makes me lazy and a liar.

Today I had to see a physical therapist for a functional assessment since I'm about to go in front of an alj. My dad thought I was seeing my lawyer and asked me if we got our stories straight as we lie about my condition. Ok, I've had it. Just because he doesn't have ms doesn't mean I don't! I get criticized when I have very visible symptoms because I need to see a dr, and then I get criticized when my issues aren't so visible because I'm obviously faking it!

I wish people like that could spend a day in our shoes to see what it's really like to have a disabling disease. It's not so easy like everyone thinks I have it. I'm also so embarrassed by what ms has done to me, I won't let anyone know who doesn't already know that I have it.

Education is not an option. People are going to see what they want to see. Anything other than that is me milking it. I really hope I can get approved for disability so that I won't be so dependent on my family anymore. One more comment about how I'm faking it or being lazy and I'm going to flip!

[Dale76]

It never fails, everything I do is wrong. Paying someone to cut my grass makes me extremely lazy, even though I could barely walk when I tried it myself. I wake up with a terrible avonex headache, so I stay home and go back to bed. That makes me lazy and a liar.

Today I had to see a physical therapist for a functional assessment since I'm about to go in front of an alj. My dad thought I was seeing my lawyer and asked me if we got our stories straight as we lie about my condition. Ok, I've had it. Just because he doesn't have ms doesn't mean I don't! I get criticized when I have very visible symptoms because I need to see a dr, and then I get criticized when my issues aren't so visible because I'm obviously faking it!

I wish people like that could spend a day in our shoes to see what it's really like to have a disabling disease. It's not so easy like everyone thinks I have it. I'm also so embarrassed by what ms has done to me, I won't let anyone know who doesn't already know that I have it.

Education is not an option. People are going to see what they want to see. Anything other than that is me milking it. I really hope I can get approved for disability so that I won't be so dependent on my family anymore. One more comment about how I'm faking it or being lazy and I'm going to flip!

You sound like you are going through a rough patch. I have been there, I am there if I'm honest.... I have lost the ability to do most the things I enjoy. I was born with a gift to create things with my hands. Now my hands are unsteady and I can no longer control them to do the things I desire. It doesn't seem right or fair to me that my gift has been taken away.

However it has happened and it is beyond my control so I do what I still can and I do it the best I can. I normally come up short but for the small victories I still have it is worth it. If you stop trying you will never experiance another victory and that is worse then failing...

Not sure if this helps any but just so you know you are not alone.

[poppydarling]

I don't want to pry, but it sounds like you are living with family at the moment? I have found that sometimes the people closest to us handle the reality of our illness (and the changes that go with it) the worst of all. I've had perfect strangers be kinder to me than my own family has been.

Is it possible to see a therapist or counselor or pastor or someone who can be objective about your situation and give you the support you need? You may feel alone, but you shouldn't be alone with this situation, especially when you're being called names (which is abusive). You have enough to deal with, and deserve people around you who understand and care about you, and not make you feel that you have to defend yourself.

The decision to disclose is a very personal one, but my experience with disclosing (just to a few trustworthy people at first) was that it took a lot of the pressure off and allowed them to see what I was going through and help me. Sometimes keeping a secret like that can isolate you and make you feel more alone.

Please come back and tell us how you're doing — I hope you find a neighborhood kid to do that lawn for you to earn a Scout badge

[dyin_myelin]

lstrl I feel your pain, people think you want to throw your life away and rely on abusive people for no reason. I actually am starting to think that people reveal their true natures when they have someone or something they feel in control of and it's ugly. The aide stepped away and my students went crazy, beating on each other, running into me. It's making me a misanthrope. Were you able to take your road trip at least? Did you have a good time? I hope you get approved first time around.

[lstrl]

I'm not living with my family, but they have been supporting me ever since my money ran out, and ever since February, I've been forced by my dad to work at his automotive shop with him and two of my brothers. Even though it's an easy job, it's still too hard on me and I end up missing a lot of work due to my body being fatigued to the point where I can't hardly function. He's not mean to me about missing, but I can always expect to hear from all of them about faking it and being lazy. They're also always hassling me about how I have it so easy because I don't do much at work. That's true, but when my body is rebelling against me, it's pretty difficult to do even that most days.

The biggest problem I'm having right now is the constant questioning me about why I pay to have my grass cut. I've heard three times in the past few weeks how it's because I'm too lazy to do it myself. Now, my dad is the type of person that does like to push people and irritate them, but I don't think he's doing it this time just to get a reaction out of me. I'm really thinking it's because he can't understand why I'd pay someone to do it for me when I really don't have the money to be doing that. I hate it, but I have no choice. It's not safe for me to attempt it myself. I did once this summer and I'm still amazed I didn't get hurt. I got so weak, even with many breaks, that by the end, I couldn't even walk without holding onto something. He didn't see that though, and even if he did, he'd just tell me to get back into the gym again.

I've disclosed to a few people, but when they suddenly forgot that I existed, that was the end of that. They kinda acted like I was contagious and they didn't want to catch it from me or something. I also don't want people that I used to work with to know because I don't want them to look at me and think I'm such a failure. I was good at my job and it really bothers me that I can't do it anymore. I'd rather them think that I'm still out there doing my old job somewhere.

I did get to go on my road trip, but my eyes certainly didn't want to cooperate. Since most of it was a straight shot, it wasn't a huge deal, but I sure do hope I can get the vision issues straightened out soon. I did have fun and it was nice to get away. I should be getting away again in November, and I'm ready for it. I need a vacation from my immediate family.