I Lied... Need Advice

[Cat Mom]

I joined this ladies euchre/cards club. Meets the 2nd Tues of each month, didn't know a soul when I joined.

When on the topic of what I do for a living, I said I'm a dog walker. I really am, I walk my own dog twice per day! 2 or 3 times per year I walk my friend's dog for a week or so, plus babysitting my daughter's dog. By no means is this my job, or even paid work.

Well, now I'm getting to know everyone a bit better and the only reason I lied was to avoid the whole MS topic altogether. I feel I should say something but have no idea what to say. I feel stupid for lying in the first place, I'm normally so upfront. Should I just show up with my cane?

Any suggestions?

Jen

[AnneLouise]

You didn't lie. You were asked what you did for a living. Walking your dog keeps you alive! No one asked where you were employed or how you make money.

If you feel you must, say you feel you may have mislead them. And tell them. If some turn away, let them. It has nothing to do with you.

You may find the ladies are more open and caring than you realize.

[KatieAgain]

I always say everyone has something and if they tell you they don't they are either lying or don't know about it.

People normally do not know I have MS. But I don't hide it like I use to when I was working. I usually wait until someone starts talking about or complaining about medical care...it's a frequent topic. I add on to their conversation like, "I know what you mean. It took me 8 months to find an MS Specialist...it was really frustrating." Or something to that effect.

I have personally never lost a friend over disclosing my MS. A husband...different story....

[KateM]

I agree..

I don't feel you were misleading in the least. That might just be my nature though. It is totally understandable to not want to just jump in and say "Hi, I'm Jen and I have MS." This isn't AA. Tell them when you're ready and not a minute sooner. That's the thing about our "Invisible" condition. You get to decide who knows what (providing gossip doesn't come into play).

[Jules A]

I hate this disease!! You fibbed but I don't think anyone would hold that against you especially if you are asked about it again and decide to be honest about why you weren't up front to begin with.

I would probably show up with my cane and when asked just tell them I have MS and its acting up right now. Hopefully they will let it drop with maybe just a few curious questions.

Good luck!

[Marco]

Hi Jen,
Guilt is an appropriate emotion when you violate your moral code. Your own moral code should also dictate how you respond to the situation.

The truth is you do not work and are medically retired. You did not want to share such personal information and potentially be shunned. It's often difficult trying to explain
yourself to strangers, especially when not all reactions are positive. You wanted to be judged by your person and not by your condition. You wanted to be accepted just by yourself, like a normal person. Now you feel foolish and just want to come clean. You had no intention of lying or even misleading anyone - you just got nervous in the moment and talked about one of your favorite life activities.

Again, what I would do or anyone else is less important than what you believe you should do. if you need to "come clean" than do so. If you don't feel the need than just move on and another opportunity will eventually present itself to give a different answer. I am glad you felt comfortable enough with us to share your situation. I wish you well ...

[trevvian]

I second Marco's opinion...if you feel the need to come clean, do...when you're ready.

For me, I'd probably make light of it; wait until a good conversational opening & say something like, "when I had a paying job, I (did x, loved it, hated it, whatever). Now that I'm (retired, not in corporate America, have MS, whatever), I help other people out with walking their dogs & I enjoy it...I call that doing what I love for a living.

I might even make up a few other stories about what I " do for a living", drop them it at random times & get people laughing about my random occupations.

Just me, but if you treat it like no biggie, they might too.

[Dale76]

They likely asked what you did for a living to get a conversation started is all. They most likely forgot what you even told them by now.

I think a good way to bring up the topic of MS is to lead by just saying you have "health issues", if they drop the topic then you can too, if they ask what, then you explain your MS. That way you give them a choice if they are uncomfortable about that kind of conversation they will leave it at "health issues".

[Cat Mom]

Thanks so much everyone. I felt stupid even asking so thanks again for being so encouraging, it means a lot.

Im a "blend into the wallpaper" type (really shy at first). I guess I was worried I'd be "Jen, the lady with MS", and not "Jen, that silly lady"... You've perfectly put it into perspective for me.

You guys are THE BEST!!

Jen

[JerryD]

I don't think that you lied. You just didn't expand on the topic. I think your circle should be aware of your MS. Chances are, as the group becomes closer, they will become more sympathetic to your MS struggle. Good luck

[Thinkimjob]

Just wanted to say hello, Cat Mom. Don't worry about it. You do walk your dog, and it keeps you living.

[Cat Mom]

Just wanted to say hello, Cat Mom. Don't worry about it. You do walk your dog, and it keeps you living.

It sure does, more than I ever imagined! Thanks for your reply.

Jen