Any advice about moving?

[onlyairfare]

I grew up military, moving every 2 - 3 years, and in my adult life we've moved several times. Lots of experience and still it is hard.

Five years ago DH & I moved from a large house to a much smaller place. The new, smaller place was in an area where there is a large furniture industry, so we inexpensively furnished the house with "seconds" - presto, no need to move furniture! One of our adult children was living in the old house, so we left most of our non-essential stuff there, and I drove a 14 foot truck, half filled with "important stuff," across country. Since OP's two homes are close together, maybe you could find a buyer who wants to buy your furniture with the house, save moving it.

We've never missed anything that was left in the "big house." It seems we humans tend to accumulate a lot more stuff than we need, then it is hard to clear out. The daughter that lives in the house has our permission to have a big yard sale. Then call 1-800-GOT-JUNK to haul away the rest.

One suggestion: Ask a friend who is an "impartial third party" help you sort through all the stuff, since they may better tell what is really of value to you, and what is junk to throw away or donate to charity or sell at a garage sale.

Then when that friend has to move, you can return the favor. I found sorting "toss" vs "keep" decision-making was much harder than the actual moving. If you've been effective at it, there won't be much left to move!

[marti]

I grew up military, moving every 2 - 3 years, and in my adult life we've moved several times. Lots of experience and still it is hard.

Five years ago DH & I moved from a large house to a much smaller place. The new, smaller place was in an area where there is a large furniture industry, so we inexpensively furnished the house with "seconds" - presto, no need to move furniture! One of our adult children was living in the old house, so we left most of our non-essential stuff there, and I drove a 14 foot truck, half filled with "important stuff," across country. Since OP's two homes are close together, maybe you could find a buyer who wants to buy your furniture with the house, save moving it.

We've never missed anything that was left in the "big house." It seems we humans tend to accumulate a lot more stuff than we need, then it is hard to clear out. The daughter that lives in the house has our permission to have a big yard sale. Then call 1-800-GOT-JUNK to haul away the rest.

One suggestion: Ask a friend who is an "impartial third party" help you sort through all the stuff, since they may better tell what is really of value to you, and what is junk to throw away or donate to charity or sell at a garage sale.

Then when that friend has to move, you can return the favor. I found sorting "toss" vs "keep" decision-making was much harder than the actual moving. If you've been effective at it, there won't be much left to move!

All very good suggestions. We have kind of covered some of them already. We are going to leave this house in the hands of the realtor for a couple months. If it doesn't sell we will auction it. And we are having an auction to sell off all the non essential and extra stuff, like farm stuff... things we will never need again. I'm all for just stripping it all. I'm making little packages for the kids. Things they might like or need.

Most of the furniture will go in the auction. But we will have to move some of it. Luckily we will have plenty of time to make it a slow move ( I hope ). I'm beginning to get my thoughts organized, but I still don't like it. This has been our home for 35 years.. raised the kids here. But, they are all on their own so I guess it doesn't matter anymore.

Someone mentioned called the NMSS Navigator. Just so you all know... they only help with finances.. not the physical stuff. It's the physical work that worries me since we are both in lousy shape.

This is only the second time we've ever moved so I am really sweating all the details. We close today, God help us!

Thanks.

[bjrnewlife2013]

I loved last June to an apartment. My daughters came into town to help with small things. I went through and down sized and packed for a full 2 months before moving. Everything else 2 Men and a Truck took care of. There is no way I could have done this alone or intend to ever do it again.

[KSeraSera]

Marti, I'm going to make an assumption here, hope it doesn't go badly. In between your comments about packing, lifting, money, illness, etc. there were subtle comments about the emotional toll this is having on you. And from your description of farm to suburb, I'm guessing you are not just leaving a house, but a way of life. And selling off the things that went along with that life and looking at having to leave it behind you for a new life.

If it were me, that is what would be making me a wreck, not the logistics of a move. It isn't easy starting a new life at our age. The older I get the less I like change and just want what is familiar and comfortable. And for me, any emotional upheaval is far more devastating to my MS than if I went out and lifted a car. I love where I live now, it is perfect for me and my MS. When my mother passes, I will inherit her house. Since I rent now, it would be ridiculous not to move into a house free and clear, but it isn't at all conducive to someone with a disability, just like your's now. When I think of all this, I get so angry at this disease, to be in that position. And frustrated, and sad, and then weak and tired.

In a nutshell, you may find that dealing with all the emotional baggage that goes along with this move will help you to deal better with the actual baggage of the move. I don't know if you're comfortable with that sort of thing, but maybe that's where the NMSS can hook you up with someone to just talk to and get through it. Even just focusing on the great things that might change. Your son might be busy with life, but just think how much harder it will be to ignore you if you're only 7 miles away! And there's probably other good things, we might be old dogs, but we can learn a few new tricks.

All the best to you!

[marti]

Marti, I'm going to make an assumption here, hope it doesn't go badly. In between your comments about packing, lifting, money, illness, etc. there were subtle comments about the emotional toll this is having on you. And from your description of farm to suburb, I'm guessing you are not just leaving a house, but a way of life. And selling off the things that went along with that life and looking at having to leave it behind you for a new life.

If it were me, that is what would be making me a wreck, not the logistics of a move. It isn't easy starting a new life at our age. The older I get the less I like change and just want what is familiar and comfortable. And for me, any emotional upheaval is far more devastating to my MS than if I went out and lifted a car. I love where I live now, it is perfect for me and my MS. When my mother passes, I will inherit her house. Since I rent now, it would be ridiculous not to move into a house free and clear, but it isn't at all conducive to someone with a disability, just like your's now. When I think of all this, I get so angry at this disease, to be in that position. And frustrated, and sad, and then weak and tired.

In a nutshell, you may find that dealing with all the emotional baggage that goes along with this move will help you to deal better with the actual baggage of the move. I don't know if you're comfortable with that sort of thing, but maybe that's where the NMSS can hook you up with someone to just talk to and get through it. Even just focusing on the great things that might change. Your son might be busy with life, but just think how much harder it will be to ignore you if you're only 7 miles away! And there's probably other good things, we might be old dogs, but we can learn a few new tricks.

All the best to you!

Thanks for the encouragement. I am trying to talk myself into looking forward to this. We closed on the house last week and still have not done one thing about getting back over there. Been raining here... Sam has not felt well... I have felt terrible...

I just wish I could talk him into letting a moving company come in. In his mind he can do things that I KNOW he cannot do anymore. Maybe it's a pride thing. A man thing.

Every day I look out these windows and think of all the little things I will never see again. Yes.. it's stressful and I don't know how to deal with stress. Everyone tells us to reduce our stress, but how do you do that?? My husband is not an easy person to talk to. Getting cranky in his old age and illness.

The good part is that we have not sold this place yet so we seem to have time to make this a slow move. I'm just worried that we will end up having two houses to take care of through another winter.

Well, hope you are in a better place... physically etc. Thanks.