Is it a Merry Christmas?

[ruthr923]

All alone on Christmas...none of my family wants to be around me or they don't want me around, nor do they want to be involved with my health issues and I have pretty much been abandoned by most of my "good" friends. I know many of you have gone through this or are going through the same thing, my question is, how do you keep from getting bitter and depressed?

[marti]

Ruth I am really sorry that you feel left out. Sometimes people just don't know how to approach sick people. On the other hand.... I would prefer to be left alone. I am fighting several illnesses at once (most are mysteries) and I feel physically and mentally awful all the time. My kids will all be here today and it will wear me out and I will not feel good for a long time. Maybe never. I've felt like I should be in a hospital for months now, but have not pushed it.

I don't know your situation, but if you are able maybe you can join a group or volunteer for a group of people who are like you at this time of year. Lame advice... just trying to help.

Merry Christmas and better days ahead for you!!

[4boysmom]

Play some Christmas music, think of someone who could use a cheerful voice, and forget yourself! I have found when I'm more focused on others, I tend to feel better overall. I had 7 little grandchildren (all under the age of 5) running around yesterday. I was so busy trying to keep them happy I forgot how sore and tired I was.

Maybe call those family members and wish them a Merry Christmas and tell them of a good memory you have of them. It may help!

[kittysmith]

Feeling alone.

I'm not entirely alone, I have my husband and son, but my husband had to work Christmas Eve & I am working Christmas day. I don't have any family close by, and my friends have pretty much given up on me too.

I have been feeling very lonely. It is an awful place to be on Christmas. But, for me, I think Christmas is just exacerbating my own feelings of lonliness.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Try to enjoy the day. Use it as a chance to rest. For me, all the magic of Christmas is long gone anyway. It's just another day.

Keep in touch on MS World. We are all here for you. You are in my thoughts.

[misslux]

I'm sorry this is a lonely time for you.

[kittysmith]

Play some Christmas music, think of someone who could use a cheerful voice, and forget yourself! I have found when I'm more focused on others, I tend to feel better overall. I had 7 little grandchildren (all under the age of 5) running around yesterday. I was so busy trying to keep them happy I forgot how sore and tired I was.

Maybe call those family members and wish them a Merry Christmas and tell them of a good memory you have of them. It may help!

Just remember that when you are all alone, it's hard to think about others. It's perfectly okay to have a day when you think of no one but yourself. The very last thing in the world that would make me happy right now is listening to Christmas music & calling family members that didn't want me around in the first place.

No offense to the previous poster, I just wanted to remind you that if you don't want it to, today doesn't have to be about Christmas at all. It can just be about you.

[Jules A]

Just remember that when you are all alone, it's hard to think about others. It's perfectly okay to have a day when you think of no one but yourself.

No offense to the previous poster, I just wanted to remind you that if you don't want it to, today doesn't have to be about Christmas at all. It can just be about you.

It is hard to think of others when our problems are overwhelming but we can chose to make it about someone else especially on a day like Christmas. There are numerous volunteer opportunities for people of all abilities.

Personally I avoid getting too caught up in my own drama. And always feel as if I have gotten more in return when I have done something for others less fortunate.

[MSW1963]

Don't forget all those who are spending the holidays with family and feeling a bit miserable.

I call family members and wish everyone a merry christmas. They always miss me and regret that I'm thousands of miles away. They forget that we all lived in the same zip code, they avoided me for years in the early days of my dx, while I was very sick and raising a very young child alone.

I humor family members when they urge me to come back home, indulge with them in some nastailga about childhood holidays and the good times we shared.

This may be a bit OT, but I remember a recent reunion with the cast of Mary Tyler Moore. The women were talking about how much time had passed, etc. Mary Tyler Moore mentioned that she called the other cast members often over the years, when she was very sick, and no one stayed in contact with her. Her comments got very little air play, but the message she delivered hit home for me.

[MSer102]

I know many of you have gone through this or are going through the same thing, my question is, how do you keep from getting bitter and depressed?

We all get what we fill our minds with. When you focus on what you have instead of what you don't have, when you concentrate on what you can do instead of what you can't do, when you fill your mind with gratitude for everything you have and can do, there's no time or room for being bitter and depressed.

When you look outside yourself for happiness, you send all of your energy and strength and power outside yourself too. When you look back inside yourself for happiness, you can get it all back. The more grateful you are for what you have, the more you'll have to be grateful for. Then there's no time or room for being bitter and depressed.

[kittysmith]

It is hard to think of others when our problems are overwhelming but we can chose to make it about someone else especially on a day like Christmas. There are numerous volunteer opportunities for people of all abilities.

Personally I avoid getting too caught up in my own drama. And always feel as if I have gotten more in return when I have done something for others less fortunate.

It's great that you have that ability, to just think a different way. Just because it's easy for you to do, it doesn't mean it goes that way for others. I will continue to maintain that it's OK to be angry, lonely, sad, and mad...even on Christmas. Sometimes we are the less fortunate and can't give to others. Sometimes we have been hurt so bad by our families and friends that the anger is deeper than the love.

I have learned a lot this Christmas. I have learned that rich people rule, greed surpasses all, and my family cares more about themselves than they do about me.

I am glad that some people can "turn that frown upside down", but it's OK to be sad, too. Even understandable to be sad when you are hurting both mentally and physically.

I hope your Christmas is better next year. And, I hope you made the most of the day, regardless of what you did.

[justacowgirl]

For all of you who posted that you can't change your anger, your sadness, your loneliness on Christmas.

Christmas is because of Christ. Whether you believe or not. It is still the reason for the holiday.

Christ is a symbol of hope.

I am sorry if you have no hope for today or for a better tomorrow. It isn't other people or money that makes the day a happy one. It is faith and hope.

Christmas is just December 25th. It is the hope and faith inside us that makes it Christmas.

When I read the posts above filled with loneliness and anger I am deeply saddened not just for you but for humanity.

J

[Cat Mom]

3 out of 4 of my DH's and my parents died in December. My dad on the 2nd many years ago, my Mum on the 19th 2010, DH's Dad on the 16th 2012. As well, my ex-husband, father of my 3 kids, last year also.

Needless to say, we're just happy to get to Christmas without somebody passing away. Being regulars at the funeral home just sucks.

If your family is still alive, please keep them close to your heart even if you feel deserted by them. I hope someone reaches out to you, or better yet, you feel comfortable to reach out.

Life is too short. My sister and my kids are the only blood relatives I have left. DH has a big family and I thank God for them every day. If you don't feel comfortable calling/visiting your family, maybe send a card to let them know they are still in your heart.

Jen

[kittysmith]

For all of you who posted that you can't change your anger, your sadness, your loneliness on Christmas.

Christmas is because of Christ. Whether you believe or not. It is still the reason for the holiday.

Christ is a symbol of hope.

I am sorry if you have no hope for today or for a better tomorrow. It isn't other people or money that makes the day a happy one. It is faith and hope.

Christmas is just December 25th. It is the hope and faith inside us that makes it Christmas.

When I read the posts above filled with loneliness and anger I am deeply saddened not just for you but for humanity.

J

I'm sorry that my sadness is causing you to lose faith in humanity. Not everyone on here is a Christian. I celebrate Christmas for my son. I celebrate the birth of Jesus. I also embrace many Buddhist principles and teach my son how to be happy from the inside. Great, again, that you can turn to God for comfort. Not everyone has the same beliefs as you.

All I was trying to do was give this woman a break. If you have a lot of sadness in your life, Christmas just exacerbates your already unhappy feelings.

Please try to accept that everyone doesn't think the way you do.

Where is the Christ in Christmas anymore? All people worry about is getting the right gift and decorating. I worked a lonely day at the office. My family forgot to call me "because they were having so much fun". How can you not let that hurt you? My father died, I am dealing with a special needs child, I'm having overwhelming stress at work, I have MS, we can't pay our bills. Some days, you just can't pull the happiness out.

Seeing others try to convince someone they can be happy if they only think a certain way makes me lose my faith in humanity.

[MizMeesha]

Alone at Christmas has been much of my adult life. My friends are usually full of their own holiday buzz but I manage to to pepper the season with visits before the big day. My family is fractured and far flung, a large group but we are not a close bunch so I have no expectations.

There is a lot of perceived social pressure at this time of year, and I know well, keeping a straight face and saying things like “Yes us too!” when hearing others planned activities; knowing I might order out my fave asian dish and hope to find something unseasonal on TV. You learn how to do that after a few rounds of actually telling someone you're alone for the holidaze and seeing their disbelief and then receiving the gift of pitty. Honestly, seeing someone feeling bad/sad for me for being alone for a holiday, really, just makes me feel worse.

I think its okay to feel the darker feelings of being alone at this time of year, and I think its okay to honour those emotions, so long as we don't dabble in wallowing, but even a little of that isn't always bad. I rather enjoy the indulgence of tears down the cheeks to the neck once in a while – and heck, I'll even bring it on just to get it out of the way! (TIP: sad movies are great for relieving stress).

So to ruthr's question on how do I avoid the bitters and depression. . .
I focus on 3 things to manage through this Holiday
1) Being a beacon of calm in my busy friends pre holiday buzz. I'll keep them company on errands and invite them by while they're running about just for a breather. I actually get to see more people that way, and am happy to have a quieter holiday.
2) Being at peace with being alone. Being alone and being lonely are very different. I spent a few years figuring out that a lot of my personal “lonely” feelings were based in social expectations of the season/my family/etc, and the ones that were true lonely feelings, missing someone or remembering an event - deserved to be honoured; making being alone much more peaceful.
3) The New Year – I start going on about the New Year about the middle of Dec. It makes moving public conversations off Christmas much easier, and it brightens people up to take their mind off the hectic schedule they are managing – it becomes their light at the end of the Christmas tunnel too!

[justacowgirl]

I'm sorry that my sadness is causing you to lose faith in humanity. Not everyone on here is a Christian. I celebrate Christmas for my son. I celebrate the birth of Jesus. I also embrace many Buddhist principles and teach my son how to be happy from the inside. Great, again, that you can turn to God for comfort. Not everyone has the same beliefs as you.

All I was trying to do was give this woman a break. If you have a lot of sadness in your life, Christmas just exacerbates your already unhappy feelings.

Please try to accept that everyone doesn't think the way you do.

Where is the Christ in Christmas anymore? All people worry about is getting the right gift and decorating. I worked a lonely day at the office. My family forgot to call me "because they were having so much fun". How can you not let that hurt you? My father died, I am dealing with a special needs child, I'm having overwhelming stress at work, I have MS, we can't pay our bills. Some days, you just can't pull the happiness out.

Seeing others try to convince someone they can be happy if they only think a certain way makes me lose my faith in humanity.

Actually it just saddens me to see so many people in one thread express such loneliness and unhappiness.
I have never lost faith in humanity. But I am greatly saddened by humanity at times.

I think I mentions you don't have to be a believer but Christmas is about Christ. Whether you are a believer or not that is what Christ-mas is celebrated for.

Actually Christmas is you or it is me if we choose. If we do an act of kindness or we stop to reflect on teachings we are celebrating Christmas. While there is certainly plenty of decorating and shopping I find the spirit of Christmas reflected in many ways.

But yes; I do believe we control our own destiny and that we decide our fate. Good or bad. And I do believe that we can be happy or we can wallow.

Maybe I can't pay my own bills. Maybe I have unbelievable stress at my own work. Perhaps I have a dying husband or have recently lost a dear friend. Those are sad things but they do not define my life. I have hope.

Merry Christmas to all.