Don't have any real support

[JBWInColorado]

I'm single, live alone and don't have any close friends nearby. My (ex)boyfriend and I were on very thin ice before my diagnosis last month, now we're pretty much through - I know I can't depend on him for anything. I asked him to go to my drs appt with me, and he said he didn't want to get up that early, and when I was taken to the ER and admitted for 5 days and diagnosed - he left and went hunting. I'm disappointed but not heartbroken. I deserve better.
So I'm quite alone, and not sure what to do.

Thanks for reading,
Jessy

[Temagami]

Thinking of you. Yes, there are the lows, but you are still a person worthy of love even if he cannot handle the implications of MS. I had to visualize lifting the crushing stone on my chest that the dx creates and one day, I pushed that stone off to the side. Please google belly breathing and learn how to do it whenever the enormity of this becomes too much.
May you have a restful sleep tonite.

[SEAMSGUY]

For a teeny-tiny start, come here JBW. When I have a particularly trying day (like today), I come here to see how my peeps are doing. Nobody understands like we do.

[misslux]

I'm sorry to hear things are tough. You deserve a partner who will support you and clearly, he isn't it.

Do you have a local chapter of the NMSS near you? Maybe see if there are some local support groups for MS or chronic illness in general?

[suziq38]

Do you have family?
If you do, I would move closer to them, or move back in with them until your health situation improves.

If not, ten I would join an MS group ASAP in order to get support.

You can also can call the hospital and arrange to meet with their social worker. Every hospital has one.
H/she can help you get support and assistance.

Good Luck.

[suziq38]

Sadly, your boyfriend can not handle it.
You can see that. Not everyone can.
There are even girlfriends, wives, and husbands that can not handle it.
It is all up to you as to when you want to move on.
I would make plans for myself without him while I still could.

It does not mean that he is an awful person.
It means that he is just not strong enough mentally and physically to care for you.

[JBWInColorado]

Thanks so much everyone. Your words do help.
As for the ex - he can't even take care of himself, I knew a long time ago that he'd never be able to take care of me. He's not a bad guy - just... completely self centered and immature. We've been on & off since March so I'm pretty much over it at this point.

I did get hooked up with an excellent contact today for the Rocky Mountain MS Center, so I'll see what they have to offer.

Thanks again for your kind words. It's been a bad day.

[Cat Mom]

So sorry...

Im so sorry you're going through all this. This is going to sound unsympathetic so I apologize in advance... thank your lucky stars that you saw this side of him at the beginning of your MS rather than thinking you can count on him, and discovering different. You don't need the added stress.

16 years before MS, my ex husband, father of my 3 kids, totally let me down in a medical emergency. Things were already bad, then I woke up one morning and discovered I was having a miscarriage. His solution was to pass me the cordless phone while bleeding on the toilet, then go back to bed!

That was "the point of no return", we separated 9 months later.

There's a saying, women see men like parachutes, chances are if you're not there for her once, there probably won't be another opportunity.

I hope things get better for you and you find the support you need. I have found this message board a great source of comfort, when I need someone who really understands what it's like to live with MS.

Please take care!

Jen

I'm not anti-man! Got it right the 2nd time plus added 3 amazing step-sons.

[BillyL1677]

A new day

Today is a new day! Everyday is special in its own way!

It took my wife a long time to be supportive of me. I really thought she wouldn't come around. In a way she is very self centered. But... One day I woke up and she began to understand. I am one of the lucky ones I guess.

You will find peace within yourself. Once you do, you will see a whole new world! I miss the person I was but have come to grips with the "new" me. Good or bad I must take it day by day.

I am truly glad that you found this site. It took my a long time to find it. people have been so helpful. It does take me a really long time to look through and read posts but I am very happy to see people have answers or suggestions to issues that I have had! And proof reading...hahahaha.

Anyways your with good company here and I hope you are able to string a few good days together! (you will)!

Billy

[JBWInColorado]

Thanks so much to you all, really. Big Hugs

[pennstater]

Reaching out to the Rocky Mountain MS Center is a great start. Local support groups for the NMSS can be also a great help. If you are a religious person, some church groups can be tremendously supportive as well. And as you discovered, there is always support here.

Sometimes even family members and friends can't handle it. In the beginning, it took a while to get over the hurt. I now realize that it's not that they love me less, it's just some folks can't handle it. So for some folks, I've learned "MS boundaries" - I don't look to them for support.

While your ex couldn't handle it, there are many who can. Don't give up on people because of him - I met my husband after I was diagnosed.

Hang in there. I hope things go well with Rocky Mountain center.

[heliotrope]

Thanks so much everyone. Your words do help.
As for the ex - he can't even take care of himself, I knew a long time ago that he'd never be able to take care of me. He's not a bad guy - just... completely self centered and immature. We've been on & off since March so I'm pretty much over it at this point.

I did get hooked up with an excellent contact today for the Rocky Mountain MS Center, so I'll see what they have to offer.

Thanks again for your kind words. It's been a bad day.

I'm going to second, third or fourth giving your local MS society a call. They can help you - at the very least - come up with a list of numbers to call if you need emergency help when you don't have a "back up option." They've done it with me. That should give you the comfort of knowing that you're never going to be completely alone. It's not going to solve the day to day emotional support issues, but it's a start. And if anyone figures out how to solve the day to day, please let me know

[football-mom]

I'm afraid my local nmss chapter is useless. I contacted them several times by phone and email when I was first diagnosed four years ago and have never been contacted in any way except when they do their donation drives. I'm very bitter about it. This is Denver, so hopefully yours will be better.

[JBWInColorado]

Thanks everyone.
I've called the rocky mnt MS center - playing phone tag with someone right now.

Still very hurt that my ex - who was so adamant about us staying friends - has totally let me down. (he was my ex before the diagnosis so I shouldn't be surprised). Up until this - he called me everyday at least twice - we were still kinda like best friends. Now - nothing.

Of course - the fact that he's a drug addict (been doing coke for 30 years) may have a lot to do with it. I think his brain is more damaged than mine will ever be.

I guess it's in hard times you learn who your real friends are.