ANY ADVICE?

[Kim-newly diagnosed]

I have been newly diagnosed. I am 47 and a mother
Of a 15 and 14 year old boy and girl. I h
have about 26 lesions. I can't see well and
Cannot drive.

I feel as though I am failing my kids miserably.
Sometimes when I talk to them I cry.
This feels awful. Any suggestions? My life
Is not moving normally and I'm scared to
Death I will lose my vision. I have them
In my brain stem- one for each eye- lucky me.

I have has steroids twice- no improvement.

ANY ADVICE WOULD BE WELCOME!

[22cyclist]

Kim: I am sorry you were just diagnosed; I know that can be scary. I have lesions in locations very similar to yours. Have many brainstem lesions, and lesions on my optic nerves on both sides. I have problems seeing as well. Sometimes it takes a while for your sight to come back, if it will, from a bought of ON, I mean a while like a whole year sometimes.

You are definitely not failing your kids. You are a good example for them in showing them how to overcome things. It just feels a little overwhelming right now. Once things settle in you will get into a routine and it will become second nature and this MS thing will be a second thought to your family.

If you need to, look for a therapist to help you through this difficult time of being newly diagnosed.

What chat are you waiting for?

Best of luck to you. Just wanted you to know you are not the only one with symptoms like this, and it is possible to get through it. Things get better. Give it a little time.

Lisa
Moderation Team

[owlnona]

I'M SORRY you're feeling so sad. Have you a MS support group in your area? I've been DX for 13yrs now & my biggest help have been my children,along w/ the MS support group.
Keep us posted, God Bless, Nona

[KatW]

Hi Kim,
I agree with Lisa that you are a good example for your children and that it can take a while for symptoms to get better.

I am your age with grown children. My kids were teenagers when I started to have symptoms. Of course, they were not happy that I was sick but they were happy that I was always home.

Also, some states have a hardship license for 15 year olds. That would help with your driving situation. I was so grateful when my kids started driving.

Good luck and keep in touch.

Katherine

[MSW1963]

When I was dx'd, I experienced crippeling fear, in addition to MS sx's, the financial effects on my toddler daughter adopted at birth, when I was the bread winner, multi-tasker from hell and otherwise healthy. I wasn't that person any longer. But I was fierce when it came to caring for my daughter. My priorities changed and essential care for her was my priority versus stressing over the less than optiomally clean house, perfect meals, the less than perfectly groomed and styled child.

Rest, take naps and rest more. They are your friends. You life has changed and there is no turning back the clock for you or your children, but rest and naps do promote recovery are your new bffs.

Get support and help from family, friends (even your children) if that's possible. If there's a spouse in the home or in picture who's a reliable and loving parent, it's a given they must step up their game. Summer trips to dad's or grands during your recovery are not optional, they are esential for your restorative rest and recover.

Although you may have doubt and fear, you can do this. I have confidence in you.

[MSer102]

MS is quite a shock that I don't think anyone can be prepared for! So basically you are still in shock and grief so no wonder you feel overwhelmed.

You might not have the skills yet to adapt to the challenges that MS brings but you can find and develop them.

The best advice I can give you is to get counseling with a mental health professional who works with people who have grief and chronic health issues. Talking with a qualified therapist will let you blow off steam away from your family and friends in a supportive environment. Sometimes airing your fears can make them less scary. And the therapist can help you develop constructive ways to deal with your emotions and challenging situations. You might be surprised at how much strength you have inside you when you figure out how to access it. A therapist can help you do that.

We all have to go through all of the stages of grief at first. So don't be to hard on yourself about feeling lost and overwhelmed. You aren't a helpless victim! You are just in unfamiliar territory without a map or supplies. You can get them by getting a guide to help you.

It will get better with time. I got over the grief part OK but it took me about 2 years before I stopped being angry. So it's OK to be freaked out about what MS does. But what you want to prevent is being freaked out about being freaked out. A therapist can help you with that. You don't have to go forever. Just long enough to find your footing and get your skills and emotional control down.

You'll also be setting a good example for your kids by showing them how to recognize when to ask for help and then work through personal issues. Think of it as part of their life skills training.

What makes our lives isn't as much about what happens to us but how we respond to it. As Franklin Roosevelt said, we have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Spending time and energy on fear and worry doesn't prevent or change anything. Its such a waste when you can be happy instead. Believe it or not most of it is a choice. You might not be able to believe that right now but if you start off in the right direction and take baby steps you will get through the darkness and overcome the tricks your mind will play on you to pull you back. The sun is going to come up tomorrow now matter what you do. So you might as well be your own best friend with MS and set yourself up for emotional success.

A lot of us have vision problems and other physical problems. But a lot of have learned how to live well in spite of them. You can too.

Asking for advice was the first step in the right direction. Please don't hesitate to see a therapist to get you through the rough spots.