one step forward; two steps back

Well, at least that's how the saying goes. For me, it may be more accurate to say, one step forward and grab a walker.

I have to say, I still can't tell, sometimes, if I am starting another flare or if I am going through a pseudo-flare because of some kind of infection or even stress. I am learning toward the "possible infection" scenario this time. Partly because I just finished an antibiotic about a week ago and Prednisone a few days ago.

I have to say, I really just want to feel good for awhile. Too many times being sick, this year, has led me to feel plain ol' worn out. I need to feel good again; to feel slightly normal (my own version of it) again.

I am so tired of being tired. So tired of extra naps because I "overdid" it again. I have plans and dreams that I have been excited about. I don't want any more flares and I don't want to spend another upcoming school year at home without some occupation to make me feel useful and "alive" once again.

Please excuse my little pity party; at 5:24 a.m. with an aching back that has awakened me since 4:30-ish, I am not in the best of moods.

What do I really want? I would really love to feel better, for one. I would love to improve in my health enough to convince my husband (& self) that I can teach again. I mostly want to homeschool my daughter and teach handwriting skills once/week for the homeschool Co-op in the fall. I did turn in my paperwork to my work, letting them know that the doctor has released me from medical leave. If I can't do both (teach one college course and homeschool/volunteer to teach one day/week in the fall, I would definitely want to homeschool my daughter.

How can I get well enough to even consider these as options, when I can't seem to get/stay well enough to do the basic day to day tasks (and I am not even talking about cleaning house)?

Trying not to become discouraged, but it is hard.

[mercadies25]

Well I definately feel your pain. I just got out of the hospital with some mysterious infection. I was there for a 5 day stay, white blood cell counts were so low and dangerous they would not let anyone in my room with the sniffles or anything else. I had a temp of 103 with aches and pains all over. Bladder infection. and who knows what else.

I still don't feel much better and don't know when I will.

I think that most of us were very active at some point and now we are homebound. I don't work any more. I was a mgr. of a bakery for 15 years and now I just take care of myself and my dogs. Some days I can't even do that.

So vent all you want, most people here understand.

Good luck!!! Best Wishes!!!!!

Ugh! So very sorry to hear that you ended up in the hospital, Mercadies25. I am not in the hospital, nor am I running any fevers. As a matter of fact, my normal body temp is less than 98.6 (more like 97.6), so when I have a temp of 99.5, it feels more like 101 or more.

I hope you are feeling much better by now. I know I hate the very idea of being back in the hospital, at this point. As a matter of fact, I was nervous last night because my legs turned to jello before I even finished getting supper done. I recognized, all too well, that feeling of all-over weakness, overwhelming sudden fatigue, foot drop/leg drag, and inability to focus/think clearly. The thought occurred to me that I could be experiencing a flare, but I cringed at the thought of it; of going to the hospital again.

Today, I have my regular 6 month checkup with my pcp. I think I'm going to take a copy of the lab results showing that my IGG and IGM levels were flagged as low. I don't know if she'll have any idea as to what I can do (dietary changes or whatever) that may help them improve. I just need to talk to someone in the medical field to see if there is anything at all that I CAN do. My neuro is off this week, so the MS nurse told me it would be sometime next week before I will hear anything about getting in to see him.

I just want to feel better. I just want to be able to function in my own home within my limitations. Thanks for understanding my vent. I know that many on here have also seen how their lives have changed (some more drastic than others) once MS has interfered.

May God give us all the strength we need to face each new day and to battle the desire to give in to discouragement.

Blessings to you,
Sherry