How long till the tears go away?

[imrachelk]

Hi all I am Rachel ... I introduced myself the other day ...

I have been home from the hospital 6 days ... I recieved the 5 days of that nasty IV steriod while I was there ...

My diagnosis is up in the air between MS or NMO -

My question is this ... 6 weeks ago my life was basically normal then I felt like I had the flu without the virus part just the yucky achy nasty feeling ...

since then all I do is CRY ... cry because I hurt, cry because I am frustrated, cry because I am crying ....

how long does it take till we stop crying?? I am just so overwhelmed.

Thanks.

[October22]

Hang in there...

The beginning and being in Limbo is so hard. The rush of so many different emotions is draining and the lack of answers is beyond frustrating.
It does get better! You are still you, regardless of what the diagnosis is. Try and take it one day at a time and not worry about the future and the what ifs. That will just drive you nuts!
I'm still a newbie (diagnosed last month) but I've "known" since October of last year. Getting some answers (when they come) helps and then making decisions to take control of what you can helps more. Then you can come here and rant and rave and scream and cry - that helps, too!!
Wishing you peace!

[Debby]

Rachel, all of this has been a horrible shock. All I can offer is that you must go through your feelings, you can't heal until you feel.

Also, know you have every right to feel whatever you're feeling. There is no right or wrong, it just is what it is. Don't put yourself on a timetable...it's like when you're grieving the loss of a loved one, you just have to let it be what it is, and one day you'll notice it's a little better, and then with more time, a bit easier. And then, every once in awhile, something will happen that catches you off guard, and you might cry again.....but you will survive, you will go on.

And eventually, the pain will lessen, the acceptance will settle into your heart and mind, and you will be ready to do whatever it takes.

We all have good days and bad, with and without MS. You will too. Just remember, you have lots of love and support here on the board, people who truly understand what you're going through...and hopefully love and support from your family and friends and faith in a higher power...

[imrachelk]

Thank you ladies ... I slept in the chair last night ... that seemed to help the overall pain .... I am figuring out the forms for ST disability for work and today my 4 year old is home with me ... it is hard to have her home but in reality she makes me take my mind off things.

[CaroleL]

Cyber HUGS!!!!!

Debby has said it so well, I have no words to add.

[Cat Mom]

I found my experience to be the opposite of what the previous posters have said. When dx 7 years ago, I was actually thankful that it was "only MS" that made me lose sight overnight (vs. a brain tumour or a stroke). I found myself being the person who calmed those who were shocked at my own dx... I know I sound completely off my rocker.

I haven't had it as bad as lots of us, COpaxone has been good to me. But MS has taken its emotional toll, and I still can't believe I'm that sick. It's finally sinking in that I have to put up with it for the rest of my life so I cry more now than at first, more out of frustration than sadness.

I took the "Relapsing Remitting" to mean having attacks, but returning to my old self in between. Another misconception I had was thinking its unpredictability to mean not being able to commit to something in the future (a few months or even years)... NOT a few hours.

OK, now I feel like a total knob for admitting that! It was my own lack of wanting to know too much that got me into this state, not anything my doctors neglected to do or say.

I hope your tears are somewhat healing and you start feeling a bit brighter soon. This message board and the compassion and encouragement of its members had been a God-send. Please keep us updated.
Jen

[Marco]

Hi Rachel,
I'm sorry to hear of your potential diagnosis. I completely understand going from a relatively normal position to having to question everything.


I am going to try and answer your questions one at a time to hopefully bring clarity.

My diagnosis is up in the air between MS or NMO -

Until recently NMO, was thought to be a form of MS most would refer to as Devic's. For MS patients with optic neuritis as their initial symtom the diseases can often present themselves as the other. Considering many doctors get confused, it's no wonder that patients are left feeling disjointed or worse.

Have you taken the NMO-IgG blood test? This may be called the NMO antibody test or Aquaporin-4 test or something similar. The key is to get the test until doctors can conclusively determine NMO vs MS. You WANT them to know the difference so you can get the best treatment plan for your condition.

My question is this ... 6 weeks ago my life was basically normal then I felt like I had the flu without the virus part just the yucky achy nasty feeling ...

The flu (or any autoimmune response) can trigger an autoimmune attack. Your body basically starts fighting the flu and goes wonky and starts attacking your body as well.

since then all I do is CRY ... cry because I hurt, cry because I am frustrated, cry because I am crying .... how long does it take till we stop crying?? I am just so overwhelmed.

Don't beat yourself up for acting normally and crying. You are going through a lot right now and need the emotional release. Pain hurts, ensure the doctors are properly medicating your pain. Frustration is completely normal, especially when answers are not available or understood. Being overwhelmed is again NORMAL.

Being in the hospital sucks. The IVSM can drive you completely bonkers. A flare up of NMO/MS can leave you wanting to be run over by a truck for a little relief. This is a very good article about emotional changes and MS >
http://www.nationalmssociety.org/abo...ges/index.aspx

Incidentally, the summer before I was diagnosed I found myself crying quite a bit. I cried more in 4 weeks than I had in 40 years and have no explanation for it.

Most of us understand where you are, but unfortunately it is YOU currently dealing with it for the first time.
Hang in there ... things will get better. Take one day at a time, try to reduce your stress level, move towards the things that bring you comfort (God, family, movies, ice cream, books, etc).

[ME610]

TEARS

I, like others were "happy" about a final diagnosis. At least it provided answers that I was not in fact making up my symptoms.... however the reality that this is a life long problem that is completly unpredictable has reduced me to tears several times.

Once I was diagnosed I thought everything would return to normal.... not so much. I work when I want to for a catering company. A month after I got my official diagnosis, I worked a job and left in hysterical tears when I realized I could not carry a tray of dishes across the room, something that I had previously done without even thinking about it.
A GREAT friend owns the company and was so worried about me he didn't want me to drive home alone.(I won that battle). He was ready to have someone drive me home in my car and have someone else follow to drive that person back home... what a great friend....it was only then that I realized that my life would never be the same.

I personally do not like to be on any more drugs than I absolutely have to be taking.... but talk to your doctor about a drug to help you control your feelings/mood. I am on one. I take it less often now than I did in the beginning, but it definitely makes a difference. I take clomazapam.... just takes the edge off and makes me not completely break down in tears at the drop of a hat. I don't take it everyday but it helps knowing I have it. It will help while you come to terms with how much your life has and will change. AND it actually helps with the muscle spasms in my legs too.

[Leeaura]

Hi, I was diagnosed exactly 1 year ago out of the blue.

For a long time I couldn't even say the words "Multiple Sclerosis". I can say them now, but not without bursting into tears. For months, this disease was on my mind 24/7. My husband told me not to worry until we had something to worry about. That made me mad at first, but then I realized I was allowing this disease to take over my life when it wasn't time for that yet. Now, I can go days without even thinking of MS...and that's just fine with me.

This site has been wonderful for me. You never have to feel alone. Someone will always pop up and respond to questions or sincerely listen to your rants. That has been great for me because I personally only know one other person diagnosed with MS.

I'm not sure I've technically "accepted" all of this but, since I don't have any choice, I'm trying. Stick around and all of us newbies can learn from the others. We will each get there in our own sweet time...

God Bless and I hope you eventually find your peace!

[alliecjty]

This website is a great place for support in the message boards or chat room, you are in the right place. It saved my sanity more than once in the beginning.

Everything you are feeling is normal, completely normal. I think we all go through a grieving process because we feel a loss, life has changed. I cried a lot in the beginning and now and again since then. With every new "loss" that MS causes, I grieve again. When the doc said I had a neurogenic bladder I cried, when work gave me a hard time and demoted me due to my reduced work hours with FMLA (long story), I cried. Every time I felt that MS took something from me, I cried.

But, in between all these episodes I am still a happy person. I have made myself a rule. I allow myself "a moment," I will let myself cry over something, then I will pick myself up and make myself go on, I have no other choice! Life must go on!

My 18 year old son told me one day, "Mom, I tell everyone you are my hero." I was stunned and overwhelmed with emotion. He said he saw me struggle and work hard to get through college with two kids as a single parent. And then after watching me get knocked down with MS initially, he saw me pick myself back up and move on. To hear these words from my son's mouth is priceless.

Everything is a learning process. Find great docs, lean on your friends and family and don't give up on life. I can't say enough how much educating yourself about MS helps! Even though I am a RN, my knowledge of MS was limited and I didn't realize that what I see in the hospital are the worst case scenarios. I didn't realize that most people with MS are walking around with the rest of us. I didn't know so much and my mind, left to its own tools, made things worse for me.

If the crying doesn't stop then you may need professional help and that's normal too. We can get depression several different ways with MS. Its the perfect storm! Lesions may cause a change in the brain causing depression, medications for MS may cause depression, effects of the disease on our life (loss of job, difficultly doing activities we once enjoyed, etc) is depressing, and its depressing to feel bad all the time!

I hope you are feeling better and I hope you get a proper diagnosis. 6 weeks is insanely fast to have symptoms and get diagnosed. Many of us have waited many years to get that diagnosis. I waited 8 years and felt relieved when I was diagnosed that I wasn't crazy. I was blown off by my doc over and over and I allowed myself to get blown off. I should have known better and in my heart I knew what was going on but didn't want to believe it. I have learned since then that I am my own best advocate. If I don't speak up for me then who will?

Good luck with everything!

[imrachelk]

Thank you everyone!!! Today was better ... no tears!!!

To answer the NMO blood test question - yes I had that test we are waiting on the results from the Mayo Clinic.

My journey has for sure been longer than 6 weeks ...but the last 6 weeks is when the MAJOR change took place and that was when my whole body started to hurt and then my second case of Optic Neuritis popped back up and then I ended up in the Neuro ICU - I got alot of test FAST ... 3 MRI's, a Spinal tap, a bunch of blood test ....

When I had my first round of Optic Neuritis in Jan of 2012 I had an MRI done and blood test that showed my Vitamin D level was at an 8 and my Vit B12 level was boreder line low. But we didn't not get any really answers of why the ON showed up.

This second round everyone except me took things seriously.

I did talk with my PCP yesterday about the crying and she said it is pretty normal with consideration of everything that was going on and did mention that I could take my ativan to help with the muscle spasms and I did that today like she said and they were way less today ....

The pain seemed to be less today also .... the frustration of the blurry vision in my right eye is better today too ...

I am sure we will have many more Answers when I go to the Doctor April 26th because all the test results should be back by then and we have a whole picture to look at.

We can look at the lesion on my brain and the lesion on my spine plus the blood results.

They told me something about if the antigen test comes back positive that they can do some plasma thing to help also.

thank you for being so supportive!

[fishead]

Rachael,

Whatever your diagnosis ends up, it will be some relief for you. Until then, you will have confusion and frustration. Coming here does help. Sending you prayers, hugs and positive vibes.

[imrachelk]

Thank you all ...today was much better my dad came and took me and my daughter to the mall it is the first time I have been out of the house/hospital since 3/7 .... (he pushed me around in a wheelchair)

NO tears today ... I am on day 15 of the cipro and woke up this morning with the all over body achiness GONE!!!

My legs hurt in odd places still ... they are weak still but getting stronger!!!

[Cat Mom]

So glad you've had a better couple of days. Thanks for letting us know!

[SNOOPY]

Hi Rachel and welcome to MSWorld

It's okay to cry Crying can release the build up of all sorts of emotions...that's a good thing, better than holding everything inside

There is a very good website for those with NMO --- The Guthy Jackson Foundation:
http://www.guthyjacksonfoundation.org/