Feeling Depressed @ holiday time

[tellnhelen]

Hi Everyone Its Christmas so Merry, merry or (Happy Holidays) to all.
I was responding to someone here when it occurred to me that I'm depressed.

Last nite I was at a party when somebody wanted to go see a singer we know perform. Everybody (except me of course) piled into the car and left. Even if they had asked me asked me to goI have never been to this location;dont know the layout so I probably would have said no anyway. I was gracious about being left behind but....

Sometimes I feel sad because its a burden to have me along. Before MS I would be to one say lets go (just spontaneous ya know). Now it takes a major friggin game plan to have me along.

I have "feelings" about this stuff. (Don't want others to feel burdened) but I FEEL SAD and sometimes left out. Feel angry about all the planning that goes into getting me around.

TELL me ways to handle this. Is there a way to help others feel more at ease with my physical challenge?

[Seasha]

Wow - we must be on the same wave length, Tellnhelen. I was just debating about starting a post on this very subject, but didn't want to seem like such a "downer"....

Yea, it's time to be happy and joyous and jolly, but what if you aren't? I know I'm really an upbeat person generally, but right now I could crawl in a hole. Yesterday was an extended family get-together and I ended staying at home alone. Too much noise, too many expectations - I haven't been feeling well, my whole body aches and I knew I'd be no good at faking it as I so often do.

Today is a walk with friends and some fam, and although I just got a new transport chair, I opted to stay at home alone again. Actually, no one even thought to ask me until I mentioned it. They said they wanted to do a "power" walk with exercise....(well, they could really get some exercise while pushing me, but never mind)

Tomorrow all are coming over (12) for dinner. I'm hoping I feel better then.

Sorry to be talking just about me, but I'm feeling sad and left out too. Spontaneity is not in my vocabulary either anymore. Being depressed during this so-called joyous time is the pits! I am on an anti-d, but think it's just situational right now.

Hoping we both feel better

[dalechilders51]

depressed

I know exactly how you feel, have the same problem myself. Thanks for posting this because I need to think about the solution also. For me the last sentence in the post hinted at the solution, I need to be comfortable with my physical limitations and not project my negative feelings on other people. Don't start thinking I know how to do this but it seems to make sense. Dale

[Sara Angela]

I feel you both! Me too!

Sara

[marti]

I know this sounds really weird. But, I kind of like to be "left out". I feel better staying home. It's easier, quieter, less stressful. If I feel tired or in pain I can just lay back and rest. I lost my desire to go anywhere a long time ago.

[Thinkimjob]

Hello. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings etc.
I think people find it hard to deal with any sort of disability. I know I did, before I joined the club.
Whether it's fear or embarrassment, or just not knowing what's the right thing to do or say, I don't know. In my case, it was fear, because when I saw a person with a disability, I saw what I knew was coming, and I could not handle it.

Shame on me.

Maybe people assume you won't want to do things, or that you can't.
And I know I always say I feel fine, when I don't.
Maybe it's better to just tell it like it is. Not all the time, or you inevitably will drive people away, but every now and then.
Let them know the state of play. Let them know what you can do, and what you'd like to do. If they're good friends or family, raise the subject at another, neutral time about how it hurts to be left out.

[Jules A]

I was responding to someone here when it occurred to me that I'm depressed.

Your insight is a great sign. Perhaps seeing a mental health care provider would be helpful?

Although I do believe adjustments, proper planning and acceptance are very important when dealing with a chronic, progressive disease like MS I also know there are physiological components that can often be addressed with antidepressant medication, for example, if appropriate.

Hang in there and thank you for your thoughtful post. So many of us feel the same.

[JerryD]

Merry Christmas to all,
I hear you all, and I will contribute an embarassing item that happened to me, earlier this week.
I was at my mother-in-laws' house, earlier this week. I was picking up something for a Christmas party my wife had scheduled for Monday evening. In the course of a regular conversation about the holidays and such, I began to tear up and had to turn my back and wipe my eyes. Does that sound like 'depression' to you?
I apologized to my MIL (she told me 'Don't give it another thought' ), and I swore to myself that I will never fall into the trap of feeling sorry for myself or my situation, period. I know that many of you are worse off than me. I think that is my 'gift' to me this year. Merry Christmas

[techie]

This is literally the darkest time of year.

It has the least sun light and the weather can make it dark too. So turn on those lights!and get moving too if you can.
S.A.D. seasonal affective disorder.
You may need to expose yourself to a special light too.
techie

[Tawanda]

Yesterday, I was too depressed and exhausted to even post! I think the sadness for me is in the fact that my DD is the most happy and energetic during the same season that I am the exact opposite! Then I start feeling sorry for her, and simultaneously for myself for not being able to experience the joys of motherhood the way a healthy woman could. As for my husband, if he really hated being married to someone with MS, no one could stop him from leaving. DD, on the other hand, is stuck with the burden of a very sick mother until she goes off to college.

To compound everything else, I am very close to Sandy Hook, and there was not a parent in sight who is not hanging their heads low this season...after all, we used to think things like Columbine only happen far, far away...certainly not here!

I usually get some rest after the vacation when DD goes back to school, but the usual angst of having her leave my protective wing is about 1000 fold of what it used to be.

In any case, we should all cut ourselves some slack. Who made us feel that if we are not happy, happy all the time that we are freaks of nature?

[palmtree]

Well, this was Christmas. I was looking forward soo much for the gathering at my in-laws. My husband and I are separated but I'm still very close to them. i bought special presents for everyone.

The reality: Christmas eve the plumbing in my apartment backed up. The landlord didn't want to pay for a plumber so I called the Health Department. My landlord retaliated by telling me I had to remove all of my air conditioners and blaming me for the plumbing problem.

Then, as I was leaving for Christmas Eve, I picked up my mail. There was a threatening letter from my landlord that really got me rattled.

Got in the car and drove to my in-laws house that I had been to a thousand times. I was on the freeway thinking and thinking...then I checked the road signs to see if I had reached the freeway exit. I couldn't recognize the signs but decided to go a bit furthur to make sure. Then I started seeing signs that alarmed me. How far had I gone?

I got off the freeway and turned around and tried to access the GPS on my phone but the lights where changing to green and I was going to miss the midnight prayer.

I finally started to recognize where I was after using an extra half tank of gas. I got off the freeway at the right exit but I thought I was going the wrong way so I turned around. Then, I found myself at the beginning of a steep climb up a hill. OH NO! I was going the right way the first time.

So by then, it's almost midnight. I called them because I didn't want to miss the midnight prayer. My ex directed me and I screeched in at ten minutes before midnight.

My Mother-in-law walked over to greet me. She was so thin and frail. Everyone has given up on her because she has lost a lot of memory. She came and put my arms around her and she began to cry. I cried, too. They were tears of joy not sorrow. She is so precious and I don't think she will be with us much longer. I'm so grateful to know a family like that because my own was like the Manson family.

So, for everyone, Christmas is over. Just 2 dead days for New Years, unless you like football.

Now Christmas is over. I dread New Years. It's one of those holidays where everyone pretends to have a good time but just drinks too much.

For anyone who cries during gatherings, it might not be self pity. It might just be that tearing condition that we get. Usually, cold weather brings it on for me. I'm walking into the market and when I get in tears are streaming down my face.

[Auctioneer]

I agree with Marti. I would just as soon stay home and never leave again. I do still need to though because my kids and my granddaughter live about six hours away, so I will always go whenever I can, but I'm always happy to get home. I think I feel safer there.

[Tawanda]

I agree with Marti. I would just as soon stay home and never leave again. I do still need to though because my kids and my granddaughter live about six hours away, so I will always go whenever I can, but I'm always happy to get home. I think I feel safer there.

I said something to the same effect to my SIL Christmas Day! She said she felt the same way, that the best Christmas for her would be to spend the day in her bedroom, alone, with nobody asking her for anything! She doesn't even have MS!

Personally, I think the 2 hardest parts are trying to dress and do my hair like a normal person...although when I see the pictures taken of me later, I realized I failed miserably! Which reminds me of how I really, really hate having my picture taken...I also find it exhausting to socialize!

Day by day I am recovering. I just wish I could stop stuffing my face with Christmas goody leftovers!

[kewpiepowers]

Depression and the holidays

Thank you for posting about this. It is natural for healthy able people to be depressed near the holidays so for people with disabilities, health issues, etc., I am sure it is super common. I live a quiet life and do not surround myself with crowds of people because it does depress and stress me. I just got a great wheelchair with quick-release wheels so I can go places more easily but really, I am picky how I spend my valuable time. Yes - that's right - our time is valuable!

I am not close to my family and tend to make friends with other introverts so social demands are not too fatiguing. Sometimes I am depressed - but other times, I just think I am introverted and picky about how I expend my energy. I like to make others happy and do make an effort but I also know that I'm okay with my low tempo life.

Thank you for all your insights on this topic!

[marti]

I said something to the same effect to my SIL Christmas Day! She said she felt the same way, that the best Christmas for her would be to spend the day in her bedroom, alone, with nobody asking her for anything! She doesn't even have MS!

Personally, I think the 2 hardest parts are trying to dress and do my hair like a normal person...although when I see the pictures taken of me later, I realized I failed miserably! Which reminds me of how I really, really hate having my picture taken...I also find it exhausting to socialize!

Day by day I am recovering. I just wish I could stop stuffing my face with Christmas goody leftovers!

I hate getting dressed. It makes me think of my mom who passed away a few years ago. She never got dressed or went anywhere in her later years. Part of it is that I'm more physically comfortable in loose clothing which usually amounts to nightgowns. And yes.... I take terrible pictures. Hate to see myself in a photo. But this is a year long thing for me. Not just at Holiday time. But the anxiety is really worse in November and December.