My dad died and my mom doesn't understand MS.

[Redwings]

Hi kitty:
I'm sorry for your loss. Your father must have been a wonderful man for you to have loved him so much.

As for your mother, if she's been critical of you for your entire life, what she's saying to you now doesn't have anything to do with whether or not she understands MS. And deep down, I think you already know that. It isn't going to matter what literature you give her or how much you try to educate her about MS because that isn't the problem. Your mother could be the world's foremost expert on MS and she would still say mean things to you -- including about your MS -- because that's what she does. It doesn't have anything to do with you.

If your mother has been like this your entire life, maybe it's time for you to stop wondering why she does it and start focusing on why you keep exposing yourself to such venom. You can still love and forgive your mother without succumbing to her poisonous game. You can't change anyone else. You can only change yourself.

Again, Please accept my condolences for the loss of your father.

[Thinkimjob]

I'm so sorry about your Dad.
By the sounds of it, your mum has always been like this, and she won't be up to making changes just yet.
I'm guessing she seems much worse, now you don't have your Dad with you.
A difficult parent is extremely hard to deal with at the best of times.
Turn the other cheek, if you can, until the shock of his dying passes.
If you make your stand right now, she will put it down to your grief, and not her long-term behaviour.
Look after yourself.

[Seasha]

I'm so sorry kitty. Sometimes life seems so terribly unfair and no one holds the secret of why. Just wanted to send you big (((HUGS))) and a bouquet of roses

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like your mom is going to change. No one can really change anyone. One just needs to change how one reacts. It is like that in all of life's experiences.

Please allow yourself to grieve and remember your loving dad. And take care of YOU! The added stress is something you don't need.

[Camsue]

I buried my Mom on Monday, my Dad died in 2005...It is very sad to lose your parents ...

Please try and be supportive to Mom, she has lost her husband and maybe she'll start treating you different.

I am very sorry for your loss and share your grief

[Shashi]

I'm so sorry about your dad. I know how much it hurts. My dad passed away a month ago tomorrow. My prayers are with you.

It's almost impossible for someone who does not have MS to understand what it does to you, so try to overlook your mom. I'm sure she is hurting too and sometimes that causes people to lash out at anyone around. And don't feel guilty. You know what you are capable of.

Big hugs,

Lisa

[maitrimama]

Value of Supportive People

Truly supportive/understanding/accepting people are priceless. I am sorry you lost your dad. That loss can come in many forms - death, divorce, relocation and sometimes simply change.

Years ago I was in a program dealing with another chronic "invisible" disease. The Psych emphasized that it is not the responsibilty of those around us to understand our disease (MS, Bi-Polar, Addiction,Celiac's etc etc etc) but our responsibilty to surround ourselves with people who understand and accept (if that is important to us).

[mjan]

((( HUGS KITTY SMITH )))

Just wanted to off you a hug and compassion for your dad's passing. I am sorry for all you are going through. You have enough challenges with raising your Autistic son and having MS.

I bet you would love to know your mother understands and maybe even offers you help and support. But now, maybe you need to just accept that your mother does not know how to be there for you the way you wish.

As you said, she has always been critical and self-centered. That may never change. So what CAN change is you and how you handle her criticisms. Set boundaries with her and follow through each time. I would suggest some grief counseling as this all ties in.

I also believe in praying for those who upset us, and to find healthy ways to cope. Would it be nice to know why she does it? Would it make any difference if you knew why?

It is a shame she is losing out in being close to her son and daughter. Be there for your brother, and especially for yourself. Try not to obsess over this...hard as it may be right now. And we'll be there for YOU!!

Celebrate and smile over your wonderful father as my belief is that he is all around.. continuing to protect and love you in spirit~he is loving you right now!

Sending you some more gentle hugs.. please let us now how you are doing. You may write me too if you like, my email address is in my profile

Warmly, Jan

[urbanchic]

Hi kitty,

Sorry to hear that, dear.
it's pretty obvious that your mom is difficult and being unreasonable.But all you can do is honor your mother, despite all her negative attitudes.