Do you ever look at other people?

[muse_7]

It seems like since I got sick/diagnosed that I notice people with gait problems or other disabilities everywhere. I was in my therapist's office yesterday and noticed a woman leaving that seemed to have drop foot. And two others with walkers. And I always want to ask but never do. I don't know if people would be offended or relieved.

Maybe it's because I don't get out a lot or the places that I am in because I am sick, I don't know. But one time I was sitting down playing with a puppy at the mall and a woman saw me and commented that he would be a great dog for me. I said I probably shouldn't get such a large breed because I had MS and she told me she did too. It seems to happen everywhere.

Is it just me or do others notice this also?

[cosake]

Interesting observation. I've determined that once something starts to "move into my orbit", I notice it alot more.

For instance, I bought a maroon van, and now I see maroon vans everywhere - because I'm paying more attention because now I have one.

Now that I have an MS diagnosis, I seem to know/hear about alot more people that have MS. I think it is just that I'm paying more attention to it these days.

[BigA]

It's part of being human. When you discover a kind of food or a song, suddenly you see it everywhere. Old people are invisible until we are old and handicapped people are invisible until we are or suddenly the possibility that we might be in the future.

Those are the visible ones. Since sharing my life with people, I've found out how many people walk around with different illnesses. It's not until we have the opportunity to lift the veil a little that we know what's out there.

I'm the guy with MS you passed on the street today

[journeyman]

It true !

It is true that when we experience or change something it seems to bring it to our attention.

Loved your comments expecially the orbital theory. That says it to a "T."

For me it seems to happen in a negative sense. I am a medically, MonSter ret. Psych. RN, High School Health Sciences teacher and for twenty years - twice a year I was a foreign, volunteer medical missionary. My Doc.s do not want me wandering away from home so far from medical help.

It seems that every commercial is about the suffering in the world and the medical needs and here I sit . It was the joy of my life. I sit and cry to myself that I am not doing more with my life.

I am a religious person and I pray to God to let me go. But something in me keeps saying - "Look at all you have done with your life." It has taken me two years of grieving to let go of that but I still cry sometimes. My wife just puts her arm around me and hugs me and that seems to make it OK.

Sometimes I think to heck with it I'm just going to go anyway. I would rather die in in the sticks doing some good than be hit by some drunk driver on I-75.

But I have found working with the homeless, doing B/Ps, working in the feeding program. I found that I can't seem to grow veggies but have incredible luck with herbs. So I grow and dry herbs to help flavor the dull, plain food we hand out.
I also revived my artwork. I do multi-media, acrylic painting.

Just doing those things have helped me feel better and since I moved into other people's "orbits" I seem to notice more and more places to serve here.

Gosh I didn't mean to make this all about me but your comments just kind of opened a door for me and made me take a look at myself. Thanks for opening that door. I do notice things more and that helps me with myself. Bless you guys. I meant to make this note a three-liner but you touched me and blessed me.

Dave
"journeyman" Tampa, Florida
Status: four months in remission. (usually lasts ~ six months.)
Weather: Rainy, humid and in the upper 80's

[502E79]

Muse_7;

RE: ....And I always want to ask but never do. I don't know if people would be offended or relieved.....


I thought similar to you and started a thread receiving some interesting responses. If you are interested:

http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=112486

Jer

[alishape]

I often want to ask people also - I always have, even pre dx. My cousin is paralyzed, that's how disability got on my radar screen. Plus I love talking to people. Usually I just say whatever is on my mind, but it's kinda taboo to ask someone why they are walking funny, or how come they are in a wheel chair. I know I tend to shake a lot. Partly MS and partly because I rarely get hungry anymore, (an unforseen MS bonus; I've lost 30 pounds!), so I guess my blood sugar gets low. If someone asked me why, you know not being malicious or anything, I wouldn't mind talking about it at all. Actually it would dissipate some anxiety I have, thinking that people notice the shaking and think I am strange.

Of course, you can't always use your own reactions to gauge what other peoples reactions will be.

[muse_7]

Thank you all for your replies. I learned a lot from 502E79's thread. "No one knows how to speak to a disabled person, not even a disabled person."

So far I have had some great conversations after volunteering that I have MS. I always feel like an attention seeker by saying it, but it seems to relax others with disabilities. Funny but I never know what to say to people when they ask ME about it, that's the cog fog. I am not offended though, I think that it is an opportunity to give MS a face and enlighten people.

So anyway, that staggering person you saw is me, feel free to say hi.

[journeyman]

ALISHAPE

Your response is great. Thanks. I am a Ret. Psych RN and HS. Health Sciences teacher. Those two careers make me very nosey and I find myself at ease talking to people.
Your idea is great for decreasing anxiety - theirs and yours.

Dave Tampa, Florida
Status: in the middle of my usual six month remission.

[Sara Angela]

Thanks Dave for sharing your heart. I miss so much being the one to help others.... We just have to help as we can. It may just giving someone a smile...

Sara

[macarolina]

Dave, thanks so much for all the volunteering you do, at home and abroad. If you have time to add after all the good you do for the homeless, is there a big refugee community near fow which you could volunteer? That are in need of help navigating our Heath service system, and could perhaps benefit from health clinics organized here. Might give you a bit of the feelings you experienced abroad?

[owlnona]

Thanks for the great post! It makes me think!
As for a puppy we have a little Carin Terrier ( think Toto on
Wizard of Oz) I love her dearly & she's my great lap dog,but she can get under my feet when I'm useing my Rollator.
Now my DD has a big black Lab & he's just great,never in my way,but he's such a "love bug" he wants to sit in my lap w/I go to her house,so funny.
I do look at other people sometimes & wonder why are they in a cart at the grocery,I smile & sometimes they talk,as I'm also in a cart. I'm kinda shy( O.K. don't tell that to my family LOL) but I'm not one to ask why someone can't walk. People ask me as I wear big ugly black braces on my legs due to advanced osteo arthrites in my knees.I can't have knee replacment due to not being able to do the rehab needed. Such a "Bummer".
Thankyou for hearing me out! I can relate as I have a son who after 12yrs still denies my MS. Even after comming w/ me to a big MS Dr. in Chicago saies he doesn't know what he's doing. So I just don't talk to him about it.
God Bless keep us posted Nona Judy

[gomer]

I have my own personal GoGo scooter and kids seem to notice me more than other adults (including store scooter users etc.)

One ice breaker I have used is ask them if they wanna race? If they look like a sour kitty I don't.

Gomer Sir Falls-a-lot

[limbo-lifer.73]

Great line Gomer: "wanna race?"

I was recently cornered by a 5 year-old. Every sentence out
of that child's mouth started with "What?", or "Why?".
Exhausting kid! I raised two of "em...think I'd remember.

As it was, he and his 3-something 'lil brother were running
up and down a wet dock, whilst dear ol' Dad was coercing
some reluctant worms onto sharp hooks. Recipe for: ???

I've no cart, but my diamond willow walking stick gets lots
of comments, and "where'd you get it?s". I gotta admit it,
I've become a people watcher, too. I see all the carts, and
wonder if it's MS, diabetes, obesity, a combo, or some sort
of "dreaded other"....Wonder, too, if I'll be joining the
ranks some day......

me