Teetering on the edge (vent).

[kittysmith]

I was diagnosed in 2008. I guess I was blessed, because other than the optic neuritis that lead to my diagnosis I had no other issues. Today, I am on the edge of just giving up.

I have had 2 bad flares in the past 6 months. I've had bronchitis for 2 months. On my 3rd round of abx for that. The spacticity that has bothered me off an on has now extended from my leg all the way up my left arm to the shoulder. I didn't get my eye completely cleared up. Have to wear glasses now. 43 years old and peeing on myself. Supposed to get Botox for that.

I'm tired of sleepless nights. I'm tired of being in pain all the time. I'm tired of not having any energy for my 5 year old son with Autism. I'm tired of being sick and tired.

Anyway, I feel like MS is slapping me in the face and reminding me that it's here. Yes, I'm aware that you are here MS. I just want to feel good again.

Thanks for listening. And I pray for those who are worse off than me.

[rdmc]

Hi Kitty,

So sorry you're feeling "on the edge."

MS has a way of ganging up on us sometimes. Seems like everything's going along and we're used to our "normal" then whap...as you said, we get slapped in the face with all kinds of symptoms and we just want to feel back to how we used to feel. Basically the old "sick and tired of being sick and tired" cliche applies.

I really have no advice other than to say hang in there. Get as much rest as is possible (which is hard when you have young children, especially those with special needs) and wait.

Over the years I've found that sometimes when I'm feeling in the "pit" with my MS, trying to claw myself back to feeling somewhat normal, things will lift for a day, or a symptom will remit, and it will give me hope that if it went away for one day or even a couple hours, that I might be feeling better (well as better as we can feel) again.

Just the fact that you've been fighting bronchitis is enough to send your MS flaring...and the combination of illness fueling MS symptoms is really hard.

Are you taking symptomatic meds for the spasticity?

Do you have a support system in place that you can turn to when everything hits at once? Friends, or family, that can help you out when it all gets so hard?

[saywhat]

So sad for you. I am feeling very similar, just know that you are not alone. I'm 28 and have had 2 flares in 4 months. I am up all night with pain/numbness and peeing every hour at least. Also am a single mom to a 2 year old. Today is one of those days where I feel like I am just done. I can't take it one more second. Then I come and read threads like yours and realize that I am not alone. That there are others out there laying on their couches crying because they are too weak too move and to enjoy their kids. So sorry that you are having to go through this too. It's hell.

[tommylee]

43 years old and peeing on myself.

I'm tired of sleepless nights. I'm tired of being in pain all the time. I'm tired of not having any energy for my 5 year old son with Autism. I'm tired of being sick and tired.

TESTIFY!!!
Can I get an Amen!!!

I feel the same and I don't carry the extra burdon of a special needs child.

I am a food nazi,I exercise, do the PT...should be SuperMan... but I can't remember feeling good or being free of pain.
It is like I have had a Hang-over for 15 years.

Always Hang-Over time and never Party-time.

Sometimes I feel like I won the CRAP Lotto. (i didn't even buy a ticket. how did i flippen win?)

Hope you feel better soon. Your post reminded me my life could be more demanding than it is.

Bless you in your struggles.
I hope you still find some joy in this flawed life.

(somehow "flawed" does not seem to explain how bad this sucks?)
Thanks for letting me piss and moan for a while, it felt good.

[tellnhelen]

I'm sorry to hear you're not doing good..Will pray that all hear will at least have some good days too.

Really feeling Tommy's post. Tryn to do all the right stuff but....

[kittysmith]

Thank you

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and comfort. It helps a lot to know there are people out there who understand how it feels to have MS and...

During all of my flares and bronchitis my Dad fell and broke his hip. He had a stroke 6 months before that. He had to me moved to a skilled nursing facility. We talk every day. Sometimes he makes sense and sometimes he doesn't even know whether it's day or night. I can feel him slipping away. He lives in North Carolina. He's 82 and I know I don't have much time left with him.

Sometimes a black cloud seems to hang over me, but I have a wonderful husband and an amazing son who suprises me every day with new skills. I have friends I can talk to (who don't really understand), but they are there for me. I also have a brother back home that is taking great care of Mom and Dad.

I'm sure the waters will calm soon and I can get a break from all this stress.

I pray that we all can be strong and deal with this horrible disease. Thanks all.