need to talk to someone with mostly cognitive symptoms

[rdpilgrim]

My sister, mid 30's recently dx'd has almost no physical symptoms..hers are cognative, emotional. We have no idea how to help. Her husband is not saying anything...not talking to her to avoid making her upset or angry. She says she wants more focus on what she's going thru, then gets pissed if you say anything. We desperately need input from someone who has been dealing with this. An example..she said she is tired of the outbursts, yet when I gave her a article to read she is furious..said she doesn't have outbursts. Anything said can cause an explosion, so those living with her are saying nothing...which upsets her. help please...

[Thinkimjob]

Was she always a bit like this, or is it only happening now, after diagnosis?

MS is hard on everyone in the family, not just the one who's got the disease.

It's not a get-out-jail free card to treat everyone else like crap.

She may need counseling, drugs, or just more time.

I have no idea how to help. My nana had an anxiety order her whole life (it turned out) and then dementia.

The whole family's every day was taken up with coping with her. Six of us, one of her, but she was in charge.

Couldn't argue with her, couldn't contradict her, couldn't say no.

I told her, eventually, (and we're talking 15 years here) that I was very upset and it wasn't doing any good for me to spend too much time with her. "I don't seem to be able to help you."

You love her and you care, and that's the main thing.

[LisaL77]

Intervention? Seriously, with a psychologist present and everything.

She needs to seek medical attention for her personality change/depression/anger management. There are drugs, counseling and therapy that can train her how to reign in the anger and prevent the outbursts-that-aren't-happening-according-to-her.

I could feel that I was irritable as all heck before my first flare, but I knew it and controlled it enough to stay consistent at work.

It's probably hard to approach her because this is a medical problem that affected her mind and reasonability, but you wouldn't hesitate to intervene if she was abusing drugs that affected her mind and reasonability.

[happy42day]

I deal with more cognitive symptoms as well, and it's an emotional roller coaster for sure. She definitely needs to speak with her neurologist about meds for her specific cognitive/emotional issues. And if that's not the answer, perhaps she can get a referral from her neurologist for a mental health specialist.

Much as you and your family go through this whole MS lifestyle.

[Arthur Spooner]

Hi rdpilgrim,

Before your sisters diagnosis, did she have mental health issues? Does her husband see a connection?

My beautiful daughter displayed almost identical behaviors to your sister, yet does not have MS. She needed counseling and anti depressants, and a lot of patience from me and my son until she was not so difficult to live with. She still has her moments but the bad days seem less.

I think your sister needs help, wether she wants it or not. I hope you can convince her to do something.

[rdpilgrim]

thank you

Thank you all for the input. She never had any issues before the ms. it seems this is goingto be horribly difficult. I just tried to share some info with her and she told me to but out, she would duo her own research. I think I am going to suggest her husband talk to her MD alone. But in her current state that may her over to where she shuts down even more. Omg...I think prayers that we find something may be the best hope we have. It doesn't help that I am hundreds of miles away. Again thank you all...any insight is more than what we have now

[rdmc]

What lead to her diagnosis? Was this sort of behavior and emotional issues what caused her to be diagnosed, or are they just since her diagnosis?

My line of reasoning on that is that if these outbursts are just since her diagnosis, it might be a way of dealing with the shock of the diagnosis. I know people deal with stress in different ways, and people deal with the issue of finding out they have MS in different ways.

But if this behavior is what led to her diagnosis...then it might be an ongoing thing, and meds are called for. Does your BIL know where her lesions are....has he talked to her neuro about the problems? There's such a thing as a neuropsychologist and they can deal with differentiating cognitive and psychological issues and whether they're MS related or not. Might be worth seeking a referral. If she researched it, it would not be abnormal for someone with MS to go for a neuropsych evaluation....they often do it to establish a baseline so that when you file for disability, they can verify how much your cognition has changed.

That to say, she might not see it as an "affront" on her condition or your concern if it was suggested as a normal part of the MS eval.

[mjan]

OH dear how sweet of you to come on here in behalf of your sister. My thought would be to yes, ignore her, forcing her to need to respond to you, her hubby etc. Is she like this with others outside of family? If not, then I would think she is not only having MS/emotional signs, but grieving as well.

Look up pseudo bulbar effect. Yes there is a part of the brain where it occurs, yet one can learn how to safely let out out of control emotions AND if we do, apologize!!!!

Cognitive to me, is scarier. Others may not even notice, but you do. Thinking is difficult, mental fatigue, word find or speech problems makes you feel like you have dementia. Aricept IS used in MS too.

Yes there are meds to help too. But something tells me that she's having an especially difficult time accepting this diagnosis and worries about the future, losses, changes she has little control over.

Stages of grief: shock, denial, depression and regression, bargaining, all before acceptance, if one ever gets to that last stage. You can remain stuck on any stage or not complete any particular stage.

Well you found us, hope your sister will come here soon. Think she will? It helps to learn that others can commiserate with her so she doesn't feel so alone.

I just think you are a wonderful sister to seek out help for her. Bless you~

Warmly, Jan

[BigA]

Hi,

I think that you may be overthinking this to ask about "Cognitive Symptoms Only".

A diagnosis of MS is a psychological hurdle for the whole family to overcome. The fact that someone doesn't look sick makes it all the more difficult.

Think about how you might feel if you had a problem with your eye and went to the doctor who told you that you have a serious disease and will go blind, though it could take anywhere from 1 to 20 years. It's not a great analogy because nothing is certain in MS, good or bad - but consider the emotional part of it and that for the next few weeks, you're dealing with "going blind", though you can still see almost perfectly well.

She should seek out a therapist and as many resources as she needs. It takes a year to come to terms with it and it may take longer for the family. As Job said, it's not an excuse to be abusive, but it must be understood that there is a normal grieving period for a person in her circumstance.

[journeyman]

Take a look at Rest Area 51

I made a long entry but in the middle of the note I talk about my psychological/emotional problems. If it doesn't help look on my profile for e-mail address and I'll give you some things to help. ex-MS.-retired psych RN. and four years of dx MS plus 20 years of symptoms before dx. Looking forward to hearing from you. Or I'll keep watch here for further entries.

Dave in Tampa, Florida

[jackjackson]

I have MS, and was dx in 2009. My wife's sister's (now ex) husband also has MS.

My brother in law was having outburst much like you describe. He got down the path too far. He ended up in a state mental institution, against his will. By this time he was too far gone and the marriage was over.

I think they got his medication right now, and he is doing OK. Unfortunately it was too late to keep the marriage. I wish they could have gotten the meds right before.

Get the help you can while you still can.