PERSONALITY CHANGE

[HereIam]

Hi All, Have been living with MS for quite a while now, and am into SPMS for a couple years. Have lots of symptoms and disability, etc., etc., and in the past year or so I SWEAR my personality has changed.

I'm a nice person, really, I am, but I've had incidents where it seems like my brain to mouth filter is busted, gone, not working. I was a social worker in my previous life, but that compassion and understanding that was a huge part of me is completely gone at times it seems. And, I am having trouble getting along with people, and that has never been a problem for me. It's crazy! On SSDI, my "work" is now all volunteer, but I'm screwing that up with my mania. There are times when I am just not nice and it's not related to fatigue or meds (which haven't changed).

Some times it seems that I should simply keep my trap shut and just listen and enjoy, because when I open my mouth sometimes it's crazy. Now, most of what comes out is spot on the money, but that doesn't make it right! With the annoying clients in the outreach where I volunteer, I would previously always side with them and be caring and compassionate. Last week I said to one of them "Are you all out crazy or is it me?" OMG.

Today a guy running past our house on a side street, his dog off leash (a personal peeve of mine), dog came to our fence to visit our dogs and I gave this guy a talking to about ever having a dog off leash. I went off on him about that. Now, that comes from a real place, since I run a dog rescue and cannot tell you how many dogs we've had surrendered to us when owners can't afford vet bills due to the dog being hit by a car.... off leash.

Have any of you long-timers experienced such personality change? I do have a lot of cognitive loss.

[mjan]

Boy can I identify with what you are experiencing. I too am/was a social worker. Would you believe a PSYHOtherapist!!! Now on SSDI.

I don't get out as much, missing the social contact, so I asked both a male and female friend if they would let me know if I am speaking inappropriately. It seems sometimes I am lacking my filter at times. Turns out I am not as bad as it seems, but not always LOL

Actually my compassion has remained in tact..whew.. butI HAVE said I better shut my mouth if I am not sure what to say is proper !!

I bet some old MS lesion(S) have taken over our personalities!!!

Best to you.. you can speak to me anytime LOL

Warmly, Jan

[JerryD]

Prior to being dx'd with MS, I was finding that I spoke out more than usual, and it was not language that was flattering to the people or situations . My boss, at the time I had a job, took me aside to check my attitude. My father-in-law commented to my mother-in-law about my attitude change.
I got my pcp to prescribe a mood drug. I was very skeptical about these drugs, but it seems to help. I also take LDN which modulates my endorphins and helps me sleep. Sleep has a big influence on mood. I hope you find a combination that works for you. Good luck.

[valeriem2220]

I too have experienced this.
Approx a month before my big flare last year I was scared that I was on the verge of getting fired at my job because I was constantly just blowing up. I have never been like this before. It didn't matter who you were, if you made me angry you were going to know why and how you needed to fix the problem.
Ever since I have been telling people that yes my filter is broken and I say things that I probably shouldn't say to people.

I have angered some people, but nothing I say is a lie. I just let people know the truth now.
I sometimes wish I could go back to the way I was and seriously have tried, but my mouth seems to be bigger than my will power.

[muse_7]

Don't beat yourself up about it, it's another one of the joys of MS and most of us have done it.

For me I mostly blow up when I am seriously fatigued or in pain but it can also be from too much "input" to process all at once. For some reason the stereo or TV on too loud when I walk into a room makes me irrationally angry. It almost physically hurts.

Just like a lot of our other problems, communication goes a long way to understanding. I try to explain to people close to me what can happen and apologize and explain to others when it does happen.

[Cat Mom]

The overwhelming fatigue and feeling like there's never enough rest sometimes makes me crabby but overall I've mellowed a lot since dx (I was already pretty mellow).

I cannot use up my "reserve" of energy getting angry, I've trained myself to pick my battles very carefully based on how much energy it will waste. I don't have a stress-free life by any means but have learned to turn a blind eye (seriously, no pun intended, my left eye really is blind) to many things that would have boiled my blood before MS.

Now it's a totally different story if I've been on a round of steroids... no more mellow Jen, watch out... yikes!

[HereIam]

Hey everyone and thank you for taking the time to share your experiences.

It is frustrating to realize that I am a totally different person than I was 4 years ago. Often I feel as if I should reserve my energy and compassion for my most important relationships, those with my family and long-term friends. I find it very difficult to get along with others.

And, yes, walking into a room with people talking, tV on, etc., is mind-boggling for me. Often my husband will arrive home to find me knitting in my chair, no tv or radio on, and it seems so odd to him. It feels great to me.

Adjustments, this disease is all about adjustments.

[WendyRochet]

me too...

Don't beat yourself up about it, it's another one of the joys of MS and most of us have done it.

For me I mostly blow up when I am seriously fatigued or in pain but it can also be from too much "input" to process all at once. For some reason the stereo or TV on too loud when I walk into a room makes me irrationally angry. It almost physically hurts.

Just like a lot of our other problems, communication goes a long way to understanding. I try to explain to people close to me what can happen and apologize and explain to others when it does happen.

you sound just like me.... fatigue gets me from nowhere! but im never prepared for it,
its like im going and going then my energy drops

then all the sudden im like a psycho---mad? then sad that i lost control of my temper around those i love the most

the only way i can describe it best is.. its as if i were diabetic and my bloodsugar dropped? i hate it

i was on paxil which helped but caused too many other really bad side effects

so, i took myself off of it and man that was a horrid experience!

im sometimes considering another antidepressent i just hate the fact that what they really do is just numb you out in my opinion. at least thats what i feel the paxil did

i also dont want the insomnia,night sweats, loss of sex drive, and constipation..... this was horrible

i really hate feeling out of control though when i freak out

[WendyRochet]

thank you, your not at all alone...

it saddens me to say... people that know me love me.

i'm one of those people that is loed and loves people but this MS and pain and crap has gotten to me

unfortunately my closest loved ones have been the brunt of my wrath and I do notice now that its because i havent learned to pace myself, fatigue get the best of me

good days, i take advantage and do way too much like im the old me...

bad days are bad and i still do too much even then. im like addicted to moving my body can't seem to sit around too much for fear that one day i may not have a choice

even though im in pain or tired i got stuff to do you know

but im gonna try harder for my family, i hate it when i freak out

[centerles3]

personalities

I call it as like an alien has taken over my personality, as I really don't know him. I can tell when I miss my anti-depressants

[HereIam]

Well, I sure would hate to get all of us in a room together, that's what I think.

I have a few different personality shifts--responding differently to noise, sound, crowds, stress, fatigue, heat, conversation. None of these shifts are pretty, I can tell you that. I used to sit on a few Boards of Directors for non-profits but stopped that madness because I started to say things I couldn't believe were coming out of my mouth. Also, I would attack what I saw as "stupid" ideas by others.

For me, I think the answer is clearly to preserve and nurture the valuable relationships in my life, what ever strategy that takes. Those are the relationships that sustain. I have been very nasty at times to those closest to me, and they do not deserve it. And, that nastiness occurred because my bucket was empty from spending my patience and energy on pursuits outside of the home.

[JudySz]

I am just the opposite. I am much calmer than I used to be and hardly ever yell anymore. maybe it is the depression, maybe I just don't care about others anymore, but it is kind of nice. i even dyed my hair red to make myseolf ifestier. did not help.

judySz

[lusgirl]

HereIam, thanks so much for bringing this subject up. I thought it was just me being a really nasty no-nice person.

It seems my personality has changed as well. I do not want to be bothered with other people nor their problems. I know this sounds selfish but it is just so true.

I use to be able to listen to people and show compassion and care for all they are dealing with, but NOW, forget it! I just do not have the energy to deal with people and their many drama episodes.

I really covet the quiet times that I do have and can you believe it, DH and I are now in the middle of an addition!! Stress, noise, little sleep...you get the picture.

Thanks for the topic and thanks for letting me vent. I really appreciate this board.

[LisaL77]

I was irritable as hell before I had my first flare, I am more subdued now, and I credit the gabapentin and sertraline for that. I try to lasso it in before verbalizing my real thoughts. LOL!

This disease is really something. If it makes me become a curmudgeon, then I really want to kick it's @$$.

[Thinkimjob]

It's just impatience, in my case. And it's fair enough, I think, because noise actually "hurts", and I can't stand having to wait, because that hurts, too, literally.
I am a very tolerant person. Honestly. Either that or I just don't have the energy to express how annoyed I feel.
Whether this is MS or just old age, I don't know.