Can't help but to feel like an outcast...

[Torn]

I know everyone is here for support, and I'm sure I'm being overly sensitive (as I am these days), but I can't help but to feel like an outcast. For me, I come to this sight to help educate myself. Unfortunately, I'm not to the point where I can be very supportive to others because I'm still so angry about having this disease, and I am not a very nice person these day, but I wish everyone better days. I just feel like when I do post, some of the replys to me are cold and harsh. Like I said I'm super sensitive these days, and I know it but can't help it. I'm sure if everyone feels as ****** as I do, they don't care to be kind with there words. Just wondering if I did something wrong or am I missing something, or is everyone just as angry all the time as I am?

[Redwings]

Hi Torn:
I haven't read all of your posts, but I can't find anything that you've done wrong, so don't let it worry you.

Except for the formality of registration, this is an open forum on the Internet. As in any open forum, there's a wide variety of personalities and communication styles. There are posters who are more cushy fluff than substance, some who are more substance than fluff, and the whole spectrum in between. With all of those differences, there's bound to be some misunderstandings and clashing of styles. So it's important to look at the message rather than the packaging or the messenger.

Some posts in a forum are all about emotion, some posts are about discussions of facts without emotion. Sometimes the two collide, and the juxtaposition can be startling.

I think that if posters coming into an open forum do err, it's in thinking that everything they say is going to be automatically agreed with and validated because they came for "support." That's not always the case. Sometimes support does mean hugs and encouragement. But support can also mean stopping someone from thinking or doing something that's untrue or unwise, looking out for someone so they don't get misled or go down an erroneous path. So if a poster is expecting huggy validation and gets responses that don't do that, those responses can seem harsh even when they aren't. It happens all the time in forums, and may be what you've noticed.

So you didn't do anything wrong. Everyone gets their say, and sometimes it may be something you weren't expecting to hear. Each one of us who adapts to the realities of an open forum takes what's useful for us and leaves the rest. Does that make sense?

[pjsSissy70]

Hi Torn. Folks here will be bluntly honest and no sugar coating. The problem with typing your words, is that you cant tell the emotion put behind it like with the spoken word. The words may seem harsh or cold, but not meant to be that way.

This disease sux, and everyone will agree. Ive had it for 20yrs and I still get angry. With every flare, with new disabilities, heck yeah I get angry!! Every shot I take burns like crazy, and it makes me angry that I have to do this long term. But you do learn to get use to it and learn to live with it. I hate the term 'my new normal' but unfortunately that what it is. The new way to do things, etc.

This disease takes so much from all of us, but Im determined it not take my positive attitude. Sure I get angry and sad and my attitude stinks from it, but then I have to pick myself up and dust myself off and keep fighting. I know this is a fight I can't win, but thats not keeping me from trying

[dougl]

well it says you have made 22 posts. i just read all 22 and i cannot find anything that you said that would cause anyone to be cold or harsh towards you.

one problem with a conversation on the internet is they are much harder to "read" then words spoken in person.

i am guessing you are just being overly sensitive and misunderstanding peoples' responses.

i have heard that being overly sensitive is common in pwMS. my partner is one of them.

we try to use it to our advantage. for example, when i scratch her back or elbow, she purrs just like a kitten.

MS is all about adapting and enjoying life as best you can regardless of the obstacles it throws in your path.

i think anger is such a useless emotion (unless you use it to motivate you).

take care.

[Thomas Jackson]

I think due to the chronic pain and never-ending frustration of dealing with MS we sometimes forget that words can hurt.
A little too sharp on our response. A little too adamant on our opinion. A little too forgetful that we are all in the same boat and it has a big leak and is taking on water. Patients helping patients should be the first , middle and last thought
of all posts here. If we want to do otherwise we should try to get on the Jerry Springer show or become a politicain.

[cosake]

Sorry that you are feeling this way. As the others have said, it is hard to know the feeling or emotion behind a post when it is just words on a screen.

I can't tell from your post if you think that posters are being "short" with you; or if you feel that they are disagreeing with you.

Some people are concise and blunt, to the point. It could be just their personality, or it could be that they have problems typing and need to get what they want to say out in as few words as possible.

Others go about posts in a more round-about way to avoid offending anyone; it is just their personality.

Many people here are passionate about what they feel - and it doesn't mean that it is a bad thing if someone disagrees with you. Often these types of posts will make me consider a situation from a different perspective. It might not make me change my mind, but it does give me an alternative view and makes me more understanding about certain things.

I haven't read any of your other posts yet - but everyone else here says that you have done nothing wrong. You might just be "reading" the posts wrong because you have no tone of voice or facial expressions to go with the words on the screen. Oversensitivity is definitely an MS "thing".

Please stay and hang out with us.

[palmtree]

It was touching to read your post. You express feelings so well. I'm sure most of us have had these feelings, they are just not as in touch with them.

I've been angry about my diagnosis, too, and it's been 2 years.

It's good to be sensitive. Someday you will be able to help someone else who feels this way. But there is no rush. Dealing with this ***** diagnosis is enough.

[Seasha]

Believe it or not, there are those of us who are just as sensitive as you are, Torn. Because I am one of those, I'm sending you a big (((HUG))). I do know how you feel about those of us sounding to be uncaring or blunt. But I've learned here that we all have different styles - and for sometimes conveying the same message!! I have also gained a new perspective from this.

Please don't give up, OK? You did nothing wrong. So, take care and keep posting!!

[valeriem2220]

I have become overly sensitive also. Do I like it? No. Do I know how to stop it? No.
I am always having to tell my ex-husband, who is my best friend, that he didn't make me mad...he just hurt my feelings.
I feel bad because it seems he is always apologizing to me, when sometimes I know I am being foolish about what has hurt me, but still just don't know how to not get hurt by little things.

I am thinking that I am like this because I so badly want my loved ones to understand completely how I feel. I know they never will, but I want it so badly.

[onlyairfare]

I'd agree with what others have posted and also add that for those of us who have pain as part of our MS, it can make us very grumpy.

I have had terrible headaches for quite a few weeks, and though I am usually good-natured, lately I am most definitely not. I hope I have not been someone who seemed harsh to you, but if so, please accept my apologies.

Pain can do terrible things to people, and we might not even recognize it.

[Torn]

Thank you all so much! I know I'm being sensitive, but like many of you know, I can't help it! I appreciate the hug, the kind words, and the explanation. It means a lot to me.

Sorry for being such a whinny baby, I know it's annoying especially when you are hurting. The last thing you want to here is some whinny baby whining about her hurt feelings. So, I'm sorry.

Glad I didn't appear to do anything wrong. Seems like I'm doing everything else wrong these days.


**post edited by Moderator to break into paragraphs for easier reading! many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print**