Stay at Home Mom

[Momma22]

Hi everyone. I am looking for opinions and I realize that no person knows what the future holds.

I am a stay at home mom to our young children. We made the decision to stay home because two people working was too much stress on our family. (I was working part time with my first child and we both felt the stress from it.) Thankfully, we planned and I am able to stay home living well within our means.

My question.. my DH was recently diagnosed with MS. Thankfully, right now, he has no symptoms. Now all of the sudden I am starting to worry - should I look for a job now to have insurance "just in case". Or, does the stress from me working do more harm than good?

If I did need to get a job urgently at some point, I am college educated.. but who knows with the current economy?

Just looking for thoughts or anything we haven't considered.

Thanks!

[BigA]

Hi,

I'm in a similar situation, except I'm the husband and my wife doesn't work. At first, we worried terribly, but I'm still working 2 years later. It's simply not true that everyone must quit their job with a diagnosis of MS.

That said, you never know when something may happen and the extra stress your husband may feel with all the weight around his potentially weakened shoulders can be the thing that makes him worse.

My advise is:

Don't panic or assume the worst.

But don't expect that your husband is sharing how worried he may be. Watch him and if your worry is bigger than his, don't burden him with yours.

Just tell him that you're happy to stay at home as long as he's comfortable. But if things get more difficult, or if he has too much stress and wants to find a lower stress job (which means lower pay), that you will help support the family.

If you want to do something in the meanwhile, you can start by putting together your resume or taking classes or even getting a part time job. Your main goal is to be ready, while minimizing his and your stress.

Does that make sense for you?

BigA

[kingrex]

Hi everyone. I am looking for opinions and I realize that no person knows what the future holds.

I am a stay at home mom to our young children. We made the decision to stay home because two people working was too much stress on our family. (I was working part time with my first child and we both felt the stress from it.) Thankfully, we planned and I am able to stay home living well within our means.

My question.. my DH was recently diagnosed with MS. Thankfully, right now, he has no symptoms. Now all of the sudden I am starting to worry - should I look for a job now to have insurance "just in case". Or, does the stress from me working do more harm than good?

If I did need to get a job urgently at some point, I am college educated.. but who knows with the current economy?

Just looking for thoughts or anything we haven't considered.

Thanks!

Sorry...I'm confused. Your husband is the one with MS and not you, correct? If that's the case, then why would your getting a job be stressful for him? If insurance is or will be an issue, then nothing could be worse than him having MS and neither of you having health insurance. But maybe I haven't got this all straight.


rex

[Momma22]

BigA - thank you for your reply. I am glad to know we aren't the only ones in the same situation. You really never know what life will hold, and I am really not trying to think the worse.

kingrex - you are right - I do not have MS, DH does. It was, and would be, stressful for me to have a job because it was too chaotic of a life. Rushing kids out the door every morning and home at night, limited family time, feeling like too fast of a pace, etc. It was a stress on both of us when I worked. We are both much happier with me home.

[BigA]

KingRex has a point; your husband is the one facing the biggest challenge. However, it's important to remember how stressfull it can be for other family members.

Momma - if you are feeling anxiety about your husband's condition, be sure to get help for it. What you feel may be related to what's happening, but it's not caused by it. That is to say that you do not feel stressed by your husband's disease - you feel stressed by what you feel about your husband's disease. It's a subtle difference, but what it means is that you have to deal with your own mind.

To the extent you are able, discuss your concerns with him but do not drop them in his lap. I suspect he doesn't need you to work yet, but it would be a relief to know that you would work if needed.

[freedom1]

Hi Momma,

Just wanted to say that I worked for 20+ years with MS before leaving my job. If MS didn't screw with my vision I would probably still be working!

Most people with MS work for many years and many never stop working because of the illness.

I think it is far more likely you will return to the workforce because of the cost of living than the MS. I was a stay at home mom until my youngest started school. As my kids got older they got more expensive and then college tuition! Fortunately I was able to work until the year my youngest graduated from college.

Talk to your husband, learn all you can about MS and enjoy your kids. You will know when it is time to go back to work, I did and I never regretted it for one moment.

[newbie but goodie]

Im sorry to hear this! My 2 cents:
Seriously save, you could use a decent nest egg for rainy days. Consider staying home for now if he is able to work still. You will be more able to support him through this transitional time. Be ready for things to change- they might or might not- and have a plan for if they do. In the meantime, good luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.