Duty of Care

[dm0329]

Does anyone know if family members have a "duty of care" over family members with MS? I know we frequently vent how others don't "get it" (living with MS, fatigue, etc.,) but do they have a LEGAL DUTY?

This is quite an awkward post. . .but in my heart I believe family members have an ethical duty but do they have a LEGAL DUTY?

I am a single, divorced, disabled woman with MS (20 years since dx, 15 years on DMD). My only "family" is a brother who lives out of state and is doing quite well for himself. He tells me "I'm lazy" "to get a job" etc.
I was just curious if family members are obligated to help? Really? Isn't this post just awful? Yikes!

Just wondering? I shouldn't feel guilty, but I'm thinking of signing my home, etc., everything over to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society in a will (as I should get a living will, etc.) as I feel if I ever need assistance (home repairs, etc.) I may have to resort to charity.

Thanks, in advance, for your input!

[Arthur Spooner]

I am no lawyer, but can't see your brother as having any more duty of care than any non relative. It sucks that he is a selfish, insensitive *******!

I think donating to a charitable organization is a wonderful idea, particularly if you do not have friends or family that you feel are deserving of your kindness.

I hope your brother gets his act together, but I would not plan on it. I hope you can find people in your own community that will at least give you friendship, even if they are unable to give you any MS related assistance.

[Sequoia]

To the best of my knowledge, there is no legally binding "duty of care" except in the case of the parents of a minor child with MS.

I have a friend whose family has completely abandoned him. He's housebound and depends on state and federal assistance for survival. His family is reasonably well off; they simply choose not to help him in any way.

Sadly, I don't think his situation--and yours--is all that uncommon.

[KatieDidNOT]

I agree with Sequoia, but I think this would be a great question to ask Mr. Feingold, who is a lawyer in the disability section. He might be able to point you in the right direction for assistance.

Regards--Katie

[Temagami]

I think not. My mother has not even acknowledged my diagnosis, nor my siblings. Dad is dead so he´s in the clear.

Sometimes it´s just a myth that blood is thicker than water.
It hurts less once you stop having the expectation that they should/ would/ will care.

Hang in there and find your daily joys.

[Thinkimjob]

Parents/ carers have a duty of care towards minors or people

for whom they have legal responsibility (such as foster

children or anyone who has given them power of attorney, such as a parent with dementia.)

In Australia, people can get a carer's pension, and I'd say there would be some standards they'd have to meet.

But they can pull out at any time.

I know all qualified people have a duty of care towards their clients, patients, children in their class etc but that has its limits.

You might have heard about the American man who allegedly let his wife drown / murdered her on a scuba diving trip to Australia.

He was convicted of manslaughter over here, because he was a qualified dive instructor, not because he was her husband.

So, for eg, if a madman with a gun bursts into the classroom, you can't do a deal and leave him to it, but you don't have to throw yourself in front of a child.

Apparently, if you are qualified to perform CPR, you have a choice whether to start or not.

Once you start you must carry on, but you don't have to start at all.

A moral duty is different to a legal one. And unfortunately only the latter can be enforced.

Sorry about your brother. Sometimes being an only child doesn't seem so bad.

[onlyairfare]

I don't know of any "Duty to Care" but I am speaking from a public health background, not a legal background.

There are Adult Protective Services in most states to protect vulnerable adults from abuse. For example, if family members live in your house and take your social security check to spend on themselves instead of your needs, that could be actionable.

And some states will pursue the estates of those deceased individuals who received state aid. So the kids can spend their parents' money taking care of the parents and get what is left (if anything) after their passing, or they can see the state grab "their" inheritance.

Spouses and ex-spouses may bear some obligation for the sick spouse's bills...that "for better or for worse" stuff.

But as far as forcing people to take care of their random sick relatives, I don't think the power exists. And thinking about it, would you really want the government making such intrusive personal decisions for you?

Say your brother has been an irresponsible drunkard all his life and now that he is sick and needs a liver transplant, the state would like you to take him in, clothe and house him, and pay his medical bills? Maybe you would like to - he is your brother after all - but maybe you need the money to send your kids to college.

I am not so sure I want the law saying that I must take care of some relatives, or they, me.

[Scooter24]

I don't believe there is any legal reasons why some one would have to take care of anyone other than minor children. My wife works in a nursing home and there are individuals that get nothing including visits from thier families.Many have family but when asked to replace thier worn clothing and such the families say they are not responsible for them and that the nursing home needs to take care of it.

I think part of it is that people are afraid of becoming legally responsible for costs involved with thier care and any other expenses if they pay for or supply anything to or for them. I worked with a woman whos father was in the hospital for an extended period of time and he had no money, she was all worried that she was going to be held responsible for anything that medicare didn't cover as he was in intensive care for over 6 weeks. Unless you sign paperwork that you will be responsible for these expenses there is no way they could come after you for it.

[MSSINCE09]

Sad

As far as blood family goes besides my son I have no one and want no one. My mom pretends to care but then the one day I really truly NEEDED her she was not there for me. In fact she answered the phone but when I started to vent she told me she was at the casino playing slots and she would have to call me back. That was the day I quit talking to her and she doesnt understand why.

I am fortunate to have a loving husband and my son but we all know even that could change at any time. As far as I know their is no legal reason for blood family to take care of some one unless it is a minor child. And I agree with some comments from before would you really want it if it was available? I would rather die than have my parents or brother which I have not seen or heard from in over 15 years and doesnt even know I have MS take care of me.

take care

[wildflower28_2001]

sorry that you have lack of support

When I was first dx and tried to continue to work (I held on as long as I could but was only about 10% productive and so drained), I didn't really discuss too much with coworkers until when I showed up at work with an IV in my arm covered by the lovely cotton thing they give you and was asked if I sprained my wrist told ppl I was on a treatment for MS. Still to this day this story echoes in my head:

Particular coworker responds with "oh, I'm sorry to hear. my brother has MS too but I don't talk to him anymore". When I asked her why she said (here's the kicker) "because he GAVE UP and went on disablity".

Now, at the time being so new to the world of MS even though I had the symptoms for a while not knowing what was up, I was really taken aback and confused but didn't really know how to respond.

TODAY, if someone had that same convo with me I certainly would have a LOT of choice words to say.

It is so sad that MS is one of those diseases that seems so widely misunderstood and underestimated. I thank god for any support I receive from anyone and pity the ignorance of those with opinions and arrogance such as my old coworker and your brother, DDM039.

Best of luck.