Disclosing to best friend

[quotefanatic]

Hello,

So I am yet to be diagnosed and have had symptoms for over a year and a half now (daily.) I am seeing an ms specialist nuero every six months, have been tested for many many things and seen 6 other specialists. I am also in highschool currently.

This situation is awfully complicated, given that I am not diagnosed but still have symptoms daily.. Recently, I had to tell my close friend about my health simply because I was falling on her so often. She handled it fairly well, and doesn't really understand the seriousness of my symptoms.. But, helps me when I need it.

Though, I do have a best friend, and have not disclosed to her yet. She makes too many odd remarks and is beginning to think I'm hypochondriac because of these "random" issues for me not to disclose now in my personal opinion.

I already grew apart from two extremely close childhood friends this year (neither relationship me being the one who changed.) I do not need another... I'm just scared to tell her and see how she reacts..

Any advice on how to disclose?? Thanks!

[gomer]

HONESTY is usually the best policy, even in this situation, BUT that is just MY OPINION.

A true friend will stand by you.

I think I would tell her a MS neuro is seeing you regularly and be honest. Obviously your doc suspects MS and you can tell your friend that, might add that it may take some time to be sure its MS and not something else.

I would not over do on the MS issue, tell your friends as much or as little as they seem interesting in knowing.

NOT TELLING your BEST FRIEND? I would think your 'best friend' would be the first FRIEND one would tell. Usually best friends share secrets and the first of friends to know. Your best friend by feel hurt or left out, especially iif she learns about your health and doctoring issues from another source instead of YOU.

This is only MY OPINION, you have to do what YOU are most comfortable with.

Gomer

[Redwings]

Hi quote:
What are you thinking you're going to disclose if you aren't diagnosed yet? That you're having health problems? Sounds like your friend already knows that.

Even grown-ups struggle with the right way to tell someone something. I think that how to disclose is different for every discloser and disclosee.

If you were going to tell your friend something personal that isn't about your health, how would you do it? That same approach might be a good way to start with telling her about your health. Sometimes, the less information a person gives, the less the chance of it being misunderstood. Giving someone more information than they have the background to understand can make everyone uncomfortable.

With that guideline, you could try starting with a general description, like, "I've been having some trouble with my balance. I've seen some different doctors and they're not sure what it is yet, but we're working on it. I really appreciate all the help you're giving me while we're trying to figure it out." Then you have to kind of go on instinct, giving as much (but no more) information as seems appropriate to the situation.

[BigA]

It's always an interesting question as to when to disclose. My boss knew before my mom or any of my friends. The first friend I told and I hardly speak now. Another friend from long ago was there for me. It's an interesting experience.

Firstly, you don't have to tell anyone. I think your friend can be forgiven for thinking you're a hypochondriac. You're not suppose to have anything wrong with you at 18. In any case, at 45, my wife *and* my doctor thought it was in my head, so don't be hard on your friend.

My advise is to tell your friend if they're truly your best friend, but if some feeling is telling you not to, then trust it. Don't worry about losing your friend. It may be hard to know at 18, but we all change friends all the time and only find out who are forever friends are after it happens. It may even be a good outcome, but again, trust your intuition and you have all the time you want.

I hope this makes some sense and isn't patronizing. I know it's a difficult question and it's just such a wacky thing to discuss with people.

[quotefanatic]

Thanks for the support!

The other reason I told my close friend first is because I figure she will handle a health issue better than my best friend. My best friend has never really been exposed to this kind of issue. Not saying she can't respond well, just saying she is certainly more of a variable.

I think I'm just going to be as honest as possible without completely overwhelming her.. Just enough so she understands that it's serious and not me overreacting.

Thanks again and best wishes to you all!