Ready to give up

[BeneathTheLies]

This is not how I imagined my new year would start. Not in the slightest. I have to refill my copaxone and knowing this in advance I set up a flexible spending account through my insurance. However my visa card for this account has gone MIA and the insurance company is saying that it will take at least two weeks to get a new one. I have at least 2 weeks of meds left but that's it. I can't afford to get my meds without that card since it's over $500!! I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like life is just so unfair and doesn't give a rat's butt if you have a disease.

It's as if the cosmos doesn't want anything to work out for me. I guess if this is a sign I might as well listen. At least I wouldn't have another daily reminder of this miserable disease. I never wanted to give myself injections or take more pills then either of my parents. I was really hoping this year would be better but I'm starting to doubt that. I just want my life back. I want to be me without all this unpleasant stuff. Would it be wrong to just give up? I don't mean suicide. I mean the doctors, the meds, the therapy, and everything else I'm now subject to. Just give it all up and hope I can ignore this monster eating me alive for as long as possible. Ignorance really is bliss. I wish I never would have gone to the doctors in the first place. Hindsights 20/20 right?

Ugh! I just needed to vent. Just another crappy thing to happen to start another crappy year. So much for the happy.

[gomer]

Cheer up BNL...........

Things usually do get better. I gave up on doctors for a few years with my diabetes. I simply continued the same insulins etc as the docs had me on. I had become so frustrated with docs and felt I could manage it better on my own.

Back in Jan 2007 I fell an tore a rotor-cuff. MY diabetes got out of control and so did my BP.. I ended up in ER, then a clinic and then a NEW family doc. I barely was able to cross his threshold, not walking very well either.

My new Doc got me the shoulder surgeon I needed, my diabetes back on OK control, to an ENT (who ignored the MS signs on the MRI, CNS issue "investigate if warranted")

I am also on copaxone, it seems to be helping slow things down a bit. I have had a MS complication since I was 18, but not formally Dx'd w/MS till I was 64!

Relax.. take a deep breath..... Things will get better!

Gomer

[BeneathTheLies]

Thanks Gomer. I try really hard to stay positive but sometimes it all seems so overwhelming. Today is just one of those weepy days. I can only hope tomorrow will be better.

[hunterd]

while today may start cloudy, it may end sunny!

[cloudedmoon]

Did you call the drug company and tell them what is going on. They are usually good about helping, then there are the MS organiztions. One of them might help. Hang in there I know all the insurance stuff can be a bear. I just keep keeping on, eventurally things usually work out.

[CatMom0001]

BNL,

I hear you. New Year's Eve morning, I had a complete meltdown. My husband is retired and does nothing. He stays up all night and sleeps until noon. I get up with the dogs. I'm supposed to keep them quiet so hubby can sleep. They're dogs! They want to play and talk to the other dogs in the neighborhood. A silly thing to completely lose it over, but I did. I just can't take the stress anymore.

My husband is really not a caregiver. He's very self-centered and selfish. I wonder what my life will be like if I'm ever wheelchair bound...

We all have bad days (sometimes weeks or months), but there is so much to experience in life. I'm going to keep putting one foot in front of the other for as long as I can.

I'm glad you took the time to vent, it made me be able to vent a bit about my husband.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. You are important!

CatMom

[mjan]

First of all I am sorry this crappy stuff is going on.. enough eh? Luv your user name too.. very interesting and perhaps revealing..

So with that said, what this experience did so far was help you get in touch with some true feelings which may have needed to come up somehow, someway. And it sounds like you may be questioning why you are taking these shots.. common and legit thoughts I am sure.

Dealing with insurance and all those type of complications is LEGIT to say the least..they rule dont they ? Or it seems that way. Dont get ME started LOL.

BUT.. NEVER EVER deny your true feelings AND coming here to share them safely ok hon? That is WHY we're here.. commiserate..share..support..

Now with this Visa card going MIA, will they reimburse you if you have to pay for it in advance? If so, how long will that take? Is it time to switch to something else? These are all questions you need to reflect on and made a decision.

In the meantime, I am here for you.. along with others.. cuz we care, we know and will support you~

Hugs, Jan

[BeneathTheLies]

I want to thank everyone that took the time to respond. It's why I come here.

As for getting my meds, I'll figure it out but sitting at work was not where I wanted to do my figuring. At that moment I just needed to let it all out. I'll be calling both the drug company and my insurance co and I will be getting this figured out. It's in my nature to freak out and then reflect and make a plan on how to proceed.

Hunterd- It actually did end on a sunny note. My boss thought we were getting a major snow storm and let us go home early. Yay!

Cloudedmoon- Thanks for the advice. I will get this whole situation dealt with.

Catmom- I'm glad my post allowed you to vent also. One of the reason I love this place so much. It's the only place where people understand.

mjan- You are always so kind in your posts. As for true feelings, I've finally gotten past the numb phase. I just started reading MS and your feelings so I hope to work towards experiencing my true feelings.

Tomorrow is another day and hopefully better. You all are such a wonderful support network. Thank you!

[BigA]

Call Shared Solutions 800-887-8100 and tell us what they say.

You can read about their $35 copay

http://www.sharedsolutions.com/Getti...Insurance.aspx

[BeneathTheLies]

BigA- I'm already on the $35 co-pay program and it hasn't been a problem until now. Apparently my insurance wants their deductible before they'll go back to that or something.

Either way they're now holding my meds and won't release them till I pay $100 that's past due. My fiance has been laid off for the last month and I just really don't have the money. So, I'm giving up. I don't care if copaxone is working or not. I'm done with MS and everything that includes. I'd rather be in pain and clueless, then keep putting myself further into debt trying to manage this monster.

[mjan]

OH dear.. major hugs being sent your way~

Just wanted you to know I care and feel for what you are going through.. along with the $$ STRESS..

Jan

[BigA]

BigA- I'm already on the $35 co-pay program and it hasn't been a problem until now. Apparently my insurance wants their deductible before they'll go back to that or something.

Either way they're now holding my meds and won't release them till I pay $100 that's past due. My fiance has been laid off for the last month and I just really don't have the money. So, I'm giving up. I don't care if copaxone is working or not. I'm done with MS and everything that includes. I'd rather be in pain and clueless, then keep putting myself further into debt trying to manage this monster.

Call shared solutions anyway and tell them. They may pay it for you. Seriously.

Also, don't cut off your nose to spite your face. You MS doesn't care what you think about it either, but it has the last word.

But one thing - copaxone doesn't stop pain or any symptom. It lowers exacerbations. I guarantee you that one exacerbation is going to cost more than $100.

If you get no joy, call the MS Society. $100 available. Don't let your frustrations get the better of you.

[CatMom0001]

Hang in there, BTL!

BigA's advice is solid. Call Shared Solutions and if they can't help, then call the MS Society.

You haven't exhausted all your avenues yet!

I'm sorry to hear that your fiance got laid off. Many positive thoughts are being sent your way to help you get through this tough time.

Hugs to you,
CatMom

[Thinkimjob]

I do love living in Australia, when I read threads like this. The government's Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme means Copaxone etc costs only $30 a month here.

And once you are paying more than $750 (I think) in all per year for prescription drugs, the price drops to $3 per script.

It's always $3 if you're on a pension, unemployment benefits or a single parent etc.

Mind you, we'll probably go broke. And I do believe America is the next best country in the world. (Or maybe Canada

[hunterd]

BNL, we got 14" of the white stuff i'll gladely share. Keep your head up in the meantime. Things have a way of workin g out!