Need advice - quitting sex?

[LSA298]

Background: I am a 49 year old 100% disabled veteran who is almost (should be) in a wheelchair. Sex is a complete hassle for me. My wife has always loved it, as did I, but not anymore. The problem is, she wants me to "enjoy" it also.
That seems impossible at this point, although that isn't my wish. I am still willing to take the levitra and let her "enjoy it" but like I said, I can't
Question: When/how do you tell your mate and when do you stop? I hate for this chapter of my life to end, but reality is reality. She doesn't deal well with reality. She gets upset, which I understand, but that really isn't my problem, other than it creates stress.
I have told her she is free to leave (it get's that bad sometimes for other easons also) but says she won't go unless I send her away, and that she will take half of everything (she doesn't work). What/how did you deal with this....nobody else understands like people with MSespecially Progressives.

Thanks,

Randy

[sniper762]

sorry dude, i cant relate. im 52 with advanced ppms also, but im exactly opposite from you. thats about the only thing ive go that still works and i want it all the time. only thing, thank goodness is that my wife does all the work.

i hope i can hold on a little longer.

[fishead]

LSA I am so sorry for you. That part of intimacy is tuff to deal with when you have MS. Have you tried "couples-counseling"? Have you spoken with a counselor yourself?
How does your partner feel about this?????

[GJinUK]

I can empathise with this situation. I'm 54, with similar problems.

However, sex is like life. It's a journey, not a race. So, it's how you enjoy getting there and there doesn't need to be a winner.........

If that's not too profound

[jiiimmm]

my wife has lost her desire due to MS and I go months without. I'd like nothing more than to be with my wife but when your partner is not into it, you can feel it, and it's just not the same. I'm considering paying for it, have not done it yet but getting close. I know the frustration from the other side.

[hunterd]

i`m in your shoes, except my wife doesn`t care for sex. take it or leave it she says. have you tried any "adult toy catalogs" maybe that could help both you and her.

[EXELEVMAN]

i'm also in same shoes. i am 62 and would very much like to be sexually active. my wife was unwilling to help with the situation, we even tried watching some porn video, which helped me, but she was totally against it, so after 30 years of marriage, she told me she had people to see and places to go and i was slowing her down. sooo 10 years ago she became my ex. my new wife also has ms. mine is ppms and hers is rrms. we still haven't consummated our marriage of 7 years, but it is fun trying, trying new approaches. hoping one day something clicks. good luck to all and don't give up trying.
~~"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming... "Wow! What a ride!"

[Josette]

I'm sorry and I understand this is off topic but this:

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming... "Wow! What a ride!"

gave me the biggest laugh I have had in a long time. Thank you.

I have progressive MS also. From a female stand point all I can say is that women need intimacy to get "warmed up". We need the cuddles, hugs, and all that other gushy stuff to put us in the mood.

I'm not an expert guys but sometimes things get a little stale after many years in a relationship and you need to spice things up.

As for the original post be honest. A relationship has to be based on honesty. There are other things besides sex that can create closeness and intimacy in a relationship. You have to be "who you are" to be happy.

[hunterd]

JOSETTE, I LOVE THE OPENING QUOTE!!!!!
I COULDN`T AGREE WITH YOU MORE, BUT IF BOTH PARTNERS STILL ENJOY AND WANT IT, THEN WHAT? A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE ON THIS ISSUE IS GREAT!!! THANKS

DAVE

[Josette]

Confused

Dave I think I'm confused. If both partners still want it what's the issue?

I know by the end of the day I'm pretty tired and the last thing on my mind is sex. It's not that I'm not interested in sex because I am. I think about it during the day when my energy level is higher.

Soooo, sometimes that means planning ahead. Making sure I take it easier that day so that I'm not so fatigued. Being spontaneous isn't always an option.

But, with all due respect to the MS, we are older now guys. Or at least I thought that I read somewhere that we are all a bit older. Even without the MS we get tired and unfortunately sex usually ends up on the back burner.

Once again it means planning ahead. Communicating with your partner and letting them know you would like a "special" evening so that you are both on the same page.

As the MS progressed it became harder for me to achieve an orgasm. I could see that my husband thought it was because he was inadequate in some way. No matter how much I reassured him it wasn't about him he still felt some insecurities.

In the same respect he didn't want to "bother" me about sex because he could see how exhausted I was when he came home from work and throughout the evening.

This went on for months with him thinking he couldn't satisfy me and me thinking I was unattractive (because he never initiated sex) and both of us being miserable because we missed an intimate relationship.

I finally brought the topic up. That's how I discovered all the aforementioned. We talked about it. We both wanted the same thing but needed to figure out a way to communicate better and plan ahead. Just another way that age and MS have altered our lives.

I spoke with my OBGYN Dr. about it. I didn't know anything about a woman's body and aging. He explained that as we get older it can make it harder to achieve an orgasm and offered many suggestions of things we could do to help that process. I came home and told my husband.

Women need to know that they are loved and they need to feel close to their partner to get in the mood for sex. Intimacy starts with having conversations like my husband and I did and working together to solve problems.

I hope this helps.

[hunterd]

JOSETTE, I CAN TAKE THE BLAME FOR CONFUSING YOU, I`M NOT CLEAR WITH MY POINTS OR QUESTIONS. I WAS JUST SAYING THAT I AGREED WITH YOU. I SHOULD HAVE SAID, IF BOTH WANT IT, THEN WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? I`M SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION. I JUST DIDN`T FINISH MY THOUGHT (WHICH I OFTEN DO).

DAVE

[Josette]

LOL

No problem Dave. I agree with you too...if both want it then what is the problem?

[Susan14]

Find a way to make each other happy....

My DH does so much for me now, cleaning cooking, helping me dress, and on and on. That just makes me love him more and to keep him happy too. We can't do all the things that we used to do, but we've found other ways to please each other.

We are in our late 50's so it makes me feel good to be able to enjoy intamacy together. Sometimes I'm tired and can't, but when I'm feeling better and initiate something....he is ready.