Bad Dayzzzz

[foxz71]

<warning> the normally positive upbeat person writing this has been replaced by her evil twin.

arghhhh...I'm in a lot of pain today. Trying to stay at work because all of my sick time is used up for doctor appointments. My cognitive abilities?? wait what did I just type???? I'm useless here...but i'm making a showing.

And who says stress doesn't agitate symptoms? last night? Please don't get me started...Argument with husband. Of course it turns to money...always does, and he starts yelling about my medical bills...well that shut me up...usually does. I didn't choose to get sick.

Sorry...its a "why me" day...I get them too every now and then. Thanks for giving me a place to cry.

Kim

[salamandertom]

<warning> the normally positive upbeat person writing this has been replaced by her evil twin.

arghhhh...I'm in a lot of pain today. Trying to stay at work because all of my sick time is used up for doctor appointments. My cognitive abilities?? wait what did I just type???? I'm useless here...but i'm making a showing.

And who says stress doesn't agitate symptoms? last night? Please don't get me started...Argument with husband. Of course it turns to money...always does, and he starts yelling about my medical bills...well that shut me up...usually does. I didn't choose to get sick.

Sorry...its a "why me" day...I get them too every now and then. Thanks for giving me a place to cry.

Kim

Kim, I don't even bother trying to be one way or another anymore. I can't. I am just who I am - which is typically a slightly bitter person. Some days I am more bitter than others. Some days I am actually slightly positive. You shouldn't feel bad if you are having a day that you aren't positive at all - it is OKAY to feel bad about what happened to you. What happened to you sucks. We all have to deal with it in whatever ways we can. Some of us will be less positive than others. (= me) You are doing great - it is okay to have an off day. HUGS.

I am sorry you are in pain. I have a lot of pain too so I can relate. Why me day ---> I have them every single day. LOL. HUGS, I tell my husband all the time I would gladly trade my illness. I didn't ask for this. I certainly did not. That usually shuts him up. He is just stressed too.

HUGS. I hope you are feeling better soon!!!!

[lindajot]

Kim - sorry you are having a bad day . . . and nothing worse than trying to put up appearances when you feel awful.

I hear you about the hubby issue - mine is so stressed about money that I can tell he'd rather not even hear about MS or how I'm feeling. More tests? Another MRI? That means more conflict and stress - as if we don't know what's going on and hate feeling crappy all the time.

I hope for a smile for you somewhere today

[foxz71]

Thank you both...its really nice to be able to talk to people in here...on both the good and the bad days. Hugs.
Kim

[Lendi]

Hmm, I'm pretty sure I was told to minimize stress as much as possible. Now, how to do that is open for discussion. Just hoping you have a better evening.

BTW, I'd have to agree with telling the hubby that you'd be happy to trade places with him. He can have the tests and you could complain about the money. A nice change, anyway.

[Windwalker]

People with MS who portend to have all this optimism and "rah, rah" attitude are, in my opinion:

1.
Lucky to have very mild MS...I.e. "I still lead a very full life...even with my MS. Hold On..I need to catch my breath...just finished my daily 10 mile run."

2.
Just plain phony. It comes through loud and clear in their posts.

You're in a very tough place. Many of us, myself included, know what it's like to try and desperately try and hold a job while MS ravages us. MS is nothing if not a roller coaster ride. The ups and downs can be spirit breaking.
Do not be hard on yourself...the MS will do a fine job of that all by itself.

[isamadjul]

I'm sorry your having bad day! pain tends to bring a good day to a fast HALT!

I can't work anymore but I did try and go back 3 months after a flare and was to stressed after working 3 days out of 10...lol no lie! I ended up back on riods do to a psuedo(sp) flare. So good fo you on working BUT don't over do it! Do you qualify for FMLA? you don't get paid but they can't count it against you for leaving.

on a side note...KPHIRSH...so glad someone else thinks like me!!! I try to think good happy thoughts but give me a break...24/7 that not me! I was dx in OCT 2010, I'm 32 and I will not be able to work again. My last Neuro app went like this...oh yes u have aggressive MS and the SS will be able to see by ur scans just how bad it is!
then she went on to say how my back will decline...so if i don't want to be happy happy all the time sue me! lol remember i don't work..good luck! lol

[pds517]

I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I recently came back to the boards after a long time b/c I was feeling pretty negative as well. In my opinion we are all entitled to have a pity party sometimes. I am generally optimistic, but it's a lot easier to be optimistic when we are doing well

My biggest problem lately is feeling like people just don't GET IT. Even the people who love me and try just can't understand. So, that has been what has depressed me the most lately.

I am a high stress kind of person... it's just who I am. I've tried to do things to minimize it, but the truth is... how do you change your entire personality? I love when people tell us to just NOT stress... yeah, that's really helpful. I'll get right on that!!!

I think if we don't allow ourselves these times to vent and feel sad, it will be more overwhelming later and we'll fall apart, so vent away. We are all here and we all GET IT!

[Thinkimjob]

Hard to be funny when there isn't any fun

Oh, yes indeed.
I read somewhere recently that the pressure put on people with cancer to be always positive and fighting the disease was unfair.
People felt guilty if they didn't get better, guilty if they felt miserable and guilty if they couldn't maintain a cheery front.
And a positive attitude had nothing to with the medical outcome. Drugs and luck had everything to do with that.
Patients said the pressure to be positive all the time was very stressful.

Sound familiar? And that's cancer, where awful as it is the majority of people have a chance to make a full recovery - to be cured.
There's no chance of that with MS.
Which doesn't mean we have a license to be horrible, or shouldn't try to be as kind to the people around us as we can.
It just means we've got a right to be angry, bitter and sick, if that's how we feel.

[LisMG]

Sorry for the bad day, Kim! I truly hope it takes a positive turn today.

And I agree we should be able to vent, cry and scream when we need to. The overwhelming cognitive confusion on my part about had me in tears last night myself.

I don't know what I would do if I couldn't come here and vent and have others to talk to!

Let us know how you are doing.

Lisa

[Tomjadg]

I agree with the others. "Positive thoughts", "hang in there", "we'll pray for you", "keep a good attitude", are nice to hear, but just isn't reality and doesn't make it better.

We deal with this every waking moment, and then we have to deal with uninformed people who have no clue. There is never a break.

I don't want to keep a positive attitude. I just try to keep an even keel, but stay away from me on a really bad day.

It is what it is Kim, and we just deal with it day to day. I just changed my off days from Sat/Sun to Fri/Sat after 10 years so I can make appointments on Fridays.

[foxz71]

I am really grateful to all of you for helping me to know its ok to feel this way. Its one of the hardest things for me to deal with.

I've always been accused of being a pollyanna and looking at the world through rose colored glasses. I've always loved my life (and don't get me wrong I still do); and took those remarks with a grain of salt. It was my world too and I was going to look at it any way I wanted to. And I was always the one trying to bring people up when they were down.

Now I have a tendency to try to hide the bad days from friends and family like its a dirty little secret and I feel bad when I have them. I hate admitting that I can't do something as simple as give my horses a bale of hay. I used to chop wood, train horses, do wilderness survival trips in the Rockies, clean, cook and work...now, walking to the barn to give my horses a pat is hard work. I hate that. I really do.

Truth is after I wrote that post, that night on the way home, I pulled the car over and had a good long cry. It felt good to get it all out. I cried some more at home that night. Maybe I am starting to come to grips with all of this, I am not sure. I know I will see the positive again and I know I will find a way despite all of this to look on the best side of things but right now...I want to be angry and sad sometimes. I'm just glad that I have you all to tell that to and get the feedback, because for a while there I thought I was losing it.
Kim

[Tomjadg]

I know exactly Kim.
I used to walk 10 miles a week on my treadmill...and just sold it.
I loved photography. Had published photos, and was good at it. I'm selling that stuff now because I cant hold a camera and a cane, and my focusing is no longer great.
I enjoyed taking my dog for walks in the woods. Can't do that now.
I enjoyed metal detecting for old coins. Just sold that stuff.

I just want to get to work, and go home to my wife and dog now.