even when I feel good, I am not my old self

[JudySz]

Hi all,

As you know, I have been feeling pretty good lately...yesterday, and again today, I have the poor mes...Even days when I have my new feeling good, I cannot do nearly what I used to. Yesterday, I finished putting edging on my flower beds....that was it. Today, i started to finish cleaning garage, which I had started weeks ago, and that still is no9t done either. I do stuff for an hour or so, and then am tired......So frustrating. I was sitting on the front porch with my coffee and the dogs, but I got bored doing that. My eyes are getting worse (have appt. soon), so I cannot read like I used to. I am either trying to do what I used to, sleeping, watching tv., or playing on here. I am getting bored. Dd better have that baby soon to give me something to do.

Just a small vent. Nothing compared to what some of you are dealing with, but still upsetting to me.
The worst part is knowing that this is good as I will get.
JudySz

[CasinoKathy]

Hey Judy, your not alone!! With me it's not so much that I get tired doing something- it's that I can't get stuff started because my balance is so bad that I can hardly stand!

For instance, tried sweeping the kitchen floor today, could only hold the broom with one hand, had to hang on to the wall or countertops for balance. Then when i tried to use the dust pan, almost fell over!

Your right, it is frustrating not to be able to feel as good as we used to. I HATE it!!

I'm glad you did get the edging done on your flower beds, even though it was hard to do. It still is a great accomplishment! Kudos to you!!

Sure hope your eye appt. will be good news. This whole MS thing is crazy isn't it?! I never how I am going to feel every 20 minutes or so.

All we want like you said is to feel like our old selves when we do feel good. I so know where your coming from. (((HUGS))) Kathy

[CarriedAway]

Letting go of what I once was capable of is the hardest thing I've had to deal with since I was dx'd. I miss that part of me so much. Hubby tells me to do what I can and that I have to learn to let the rest go. So many things that I have to let go.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Hopefully very soon you'll have a sweet baby to love on. They're the best!

[tommylee]

Self expectations get in the way?

Been on a 5+ year health kick.
Eat a strict diet, exercise most days, PT most days.
My Dr's all tell me what fantastic shape I am in and seem real impressed with my condition and my attitude.....

It would be great if I could get excited with them.
I still can't believe this is as good as I am ever going to be.
It feels like my youth and stamina have been stolen over night. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get it back.
(where did it go? Invasion of the body snatchers?)

I can completely understand the dissappointment and loss.
I am in good shape but that does not stop me from thinking,"that's it?" "that is all I have?" I am 45 and I feel like I am 85. When am I going to feel good again?

If anybody has a secret for accepting what we have as the new normal, I would love to hear it.

Nothing brings a smile and warms the spirit like a baby!
Sitting still for long periods of time is much more fun with a baby to care for.
Sounds like your life is going to improve very soon?
Hope you get lots of time with DD's baby.

[M.S.inBama]

I feel the same way. I am a 34 year old male. It is like you get sick and you keep waiting to be 100 percent and it never happens. You never actually know what your new 100 percent really is. If that makes any sense.

[bookworm78]

I feel this way too. I'm mostly through with a big exacerbation, but I don't feel 100%. I don't know if I ever will. People seem to expect me to be fine; many don't understand the reality of MS. They're sypathetic, but when it comes down to it, they'd rather me just act normally and expect me to be fine.

I like what was said about learning to let go. I'd like to learn to do that. I rarely drive at night, especially on highways where there are a lot of headlights. But I feel so bad and embarrassed when I have to bow out of nighttime events. I hate to ask people for rides. I want people to see me as strong and capable, not weak and a charity case.

I agree that I feel sometimes much older than I am. I'm supposed to be in the prime of my life. I look healthy. But I'm not.

[QuickType]

I feel the same way. I am a 34 year old male. It is like you get sick and you keep waiting to be 100 percent and it never happens. You never actually know what your new 100 percent really is. If that makes any sense.

Makes sense to me. I've never been the same since my last exacerbation and am still trying to deal with my new "100%" - I keep thinking I "should" feel better, I "should" be able to do a particular thing, but a lot of times, I just can't.

[Crewser]

[QUOTE=tommylee;1225394]Self expectations get in the way?

Been on a 5+ year health kick.
Eat a strict diet, exercise most days, PT most days.
My Dr's all tell me what fantastic shape I am in and seem real impressed with my condition and my attitude.....

It would be great if I could get excited with them.
I still can't believe this is as good as I am ever going to be.
It feels like my youth and stamina have been stolen over night. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get it back.
(where did it go? Invasion of the body snatchers?)


I think we are all conditioned from an early age (with some exceptions) that when we get get sick, we get better. All the time growing up it is get sick, get well, catch a cold, flu, get over it. Well... somehow I keep thinking, like you Tommylee, that if I just workout hard enough, long enough, eat right, live right that this will get better. Doctors just prescribe and give me the "news" of the day or month.

My PT has been the biggest help for me. I, too, get the wow your attitude is great! Or you have such a great work ethic! She, (my PT) and I have had this very conversation. The one where I set myself up that this will "fix" me so to speak. She gets it. So she tells me we will continue revisiting this conversation so that I don't set myself up and then get disappointed.

I still work hard, still get fatigued, but I think for me (because everyone is different with this ugly disease) that even though this is the best I have right now it is better than the alternative. I'm still working on strengthening what I have. I used to hate swimming, watersports etc. Now? My best friend! I am totally free in the pool. I hate the gravity storm that hits when I get out but love the workout in the water. There is a sense of normalcy inside the water. It's a more level playing field for me.

My PT just taught me how to snorkel so I think I just might go to La Jolla Cove when I get brave enough and have a look around. Not my original idea of what I would be doing in life right now but... not a bad way to go huh?

Good luck to you, don't give up, keep the good attitude because it sure beats the alternative doesn't it?
Crewser