Dating with MS-advice please!

[KempoGrl]

So for all MSers who have been on the dating scene... I have relapse/remission MS and I'm currently in remission. I have been on 3 dates with this gentleman and we are going out again this coming weekend. My question of course is when do I tell him I have MS? (Please note I say WHEN not IF.) I don't want to overwhelm him by blurting it out too soon but I don't want him to feel like I withheld information by waiting too long. And how does one tactfully bring it up in the first place?
Oh, and just to save time:
I know if he doesn't understand, he's not for me.
I know I shouldn't try to hide that I have MS. I don't.
I know I should accept myself for who I am. I do.
This is the first date I've had since being diagnosed last Oct. and I really like this guy, so if you've been there, done that, I'd sure appreciate any advice! Thanks everybody! : )

[Redwings]

Hi KempoGrl:
Since you haven't been out with this guy in at least 4 months, you could mention your diagnosis as part of catching up on what's been going on with you both lately. Since your relationship sounds rather casual at this point, you can keep the revelation and the explanation equally casual. (Of course, when and how you bring it up depends on how the date's going.) After that, it's up to him. I hope the date goes well for both of you.

[mooseyes]

Hi

My wife has Ms. when we were first intoduced to each other she informed me on our 2nd phone conversation, we had not gone out on a date by then. Well i thought about what she told me and we went out any way.That was almost seven years ago. We were married a year later and have been happy ever since. She has the same type of Ms as you. We have had our ups and downs with her Ms. But it has not changed the way feel about her. Good luck to you.

[rosepetals]

When I was dating my husband I told him on the second date so he could make a decision if he wanted to continue the relationship.

[lorib]

I told my husband early on when we started dating. I was in the process of being diagnosed or recently diagnosed, so it was important to me that he knew what was going on with me in case I started getting weird symptoms. I really liked him and didn't want to scare him off.

I think at the time I had no symptoms, so he wouldn't realize the extent of the disease, soI told him kind of as an aside, "By the way. . . " Since the relationship was new I made it sound as casual as possible so I didn't scare him off and once I knew he was okay with it I later told him about what the relapses were like, etc.

[Marco]

Make sure you are ready to inform them understanding their reaction could be very positive or very negative. Your own physical and emotional well-being is far more important than having someone else know about your diagnosis.

There is simply no “perfect” time to disclose your Multiple Sclerosis with others. Since your MS does not pose an immediate threat to their medical condition, there is no absolute requirement to inform them. If you had something infectious or obvious that would require an early discussion of your condition. A few days early or late probably won’t make much difference to a well-intentioned individual.

Considering you haven’t had a date in 4 months, I would probably defer the news to another time. Just catch up and enjoy your time with each other.

When you do decide to inform them, explain that you care and trust them enough to share personal information with them. Gauge their reaction, allow them time to breathe and ask questions. Try not to get bogged down with very specific details … they probably won’t remember them anyways.

They may or may not already have some experience with MS or another chronic condition, but be prepared to answer general questions about Multiple Sclerosis. How would MS impact them and your ability to have a relationship with them? Have additional information available for them, possibly the MS for Dummies Book or similar resource.

Pick the appropriate time and place for sharing the information. Be considerate of their needs and state of mind. Don’t tell a firefighter immediately after a fighting a 5-alarm fire. Pick a location conducive to having a private conversation. Dropping a bomb in traffic, at the movies or at dinner with others just isn’t cool.

I am glad you have someone special in your life and hope things work out for you. My wife changed my black & white world to a world full of beautiful colors and I could only wish the same for you.

Godspeed to you both!