Family Help Venting

[rawksea76]

How do I get my kids to help more? They are plenty old enough to take on the responsibilities I have given them.
(13 & 11)

I have made 2 chore charts one Daily and one Weekly which has to be done by Saturday.

Problem is I have to ride them constantly even just to get ready for school and do homework.

And the I wants NEED to stop we have NO money!!!! We are down to 1 income and have had to eliminate a lot of things. Like Cable, If I get asked one more time when we are getting cable again I am going to SCREAM!

I AM OUT OF PATIENCE!!!!!

Grounding, taking things away no one cares and I am at my wits end!
My legs and arms ache like crazy! Legs are weak!

Please Any Advice is WELCOME I need all I can get!
Thanks so much my MS family!

[heliotrope]

"I need" is unfortunately just part of life with a teenager... I don't think I realized how little my parents' salaries bought until I was paying for my own things. One thing that did work with me was making me do just that.
My parents chose to put me on a clothes budget when I was in my late teens. They would pay for the bare essentials, and I was given x amount of allowance. I had to figure out how I wanted to spend it. The "I needs" almost disappeared.

As far as the chores go, I found I was neater once I moved out. Mostly because of the fact that there was no one else to clean up after me. Might be worth a try?

Good luck!

[Tomjadg]

They are old enough to sit them down(no music or TV on), and spell out EXACTLY what you expect from them.

Explain the financial situation, and be clear about why you can not give them everything they might want, but you will do your best to do what you can.

Have you been clear about your illness? Tell them that you expect their help, and it is not all about them.

Do they have cell phones? If so, and they do not help you, then take them away, or shut them off. Don't threaten, just tell them that is what you will do, then do it.

No reason to put up with them. you own them until they are of age.

[rdmc]

Grounding, taking things away no one cares and I am at my wits end!

For a chore list to be effective you do have to find something they care about. No kid (at least none I've met and are the ages you mentioned) really chips in out of sympathy for their parent. So appealing to their conscience probably won't work. Once they hit high school, I think they do care more about the health issues you face but middle school...nah, they're just being kids.

But back to finding something they care about, you just haven't hit on the right thing yet, or aren't making the restrictions severe enough for them to matter.

My kid went through a "reading stage" where he always had a book in his hand (worse when a Harry Potter book came out, LOL.) So we'd take away his books until his chores were done...sounds weird, but it worked. Another point in his life he looked forward to a youth group meeting at our church, and we'd say, "No chores, you don't go to church for youth group." There again, sounds harsh, not allowing your kid to go to a church function, but my point is it was what he cared about at that stage of his life. And it seems the restriction/consequence has to change according to what's important to them now.

And one other caution....don't do their chores for them if they don't do them. If you're doing them because they won't, they "win." Let the house go messy, or the garbage pile up. Teach them how to do their own laundry and don't do it for them, no matter what. They'll go looking for a clean shirt (well maybe not if they're boys ) and then figure out that clean laundry doesn't automatically appear in their drawers.

Good luck

[booklady]

I can relate!

I have gone through the same things with my girls. It really comes down to being willing to follow through. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Once they understand that the new way is the way it is going to be, they will step up. They will have no choice if you stick to your guns. It is not easy and you have to be stronger willed than they are! Good luck. You are not alone though, rest assured!

[rawksea76]

Thanks so much!

I am just going to stick to my guns. Period end of story. Not cleaning, their laundry (which they know how to do), etc.
And the first thing to go and stay gone WILL be phones!!!!!

I have taken them away for a couple days but it never seemed to faze them. Now it will be long term as well as The computer! As they each have their own. No phone no facebook!

What will they do with out the outside world???? CHORES!
I hope, Thanks please keep the advice coming. I am glad to know I am not the only one with this problem.

[Surfrgrl]

Been there!

Oh boy! Teenagers.....

My hubby and I did this with our kids a few years back and it has worked out really well.

We sat the kids down and flat out told them that it takes ALL four of us to run this house. This means we ALL need to pitch in with the chores. Dad and I are responsible for our own room, bathroom and laundry. Kids are responsible for theirs. Dog poop and the other house bathrooms will be "kid zones" as well. Whoever cooks doesn't clean the kitchen (I love this one!). Everyone has a week to vacuum and dust. There are also "other duties not otherwise specified". It has gotten to the point where if I am not feeling well one of the kids will just do my share knowing full well that I or dad will cover for them once in a while too.

Just as in the real world, if you don't do your job, you don't get paid this week. It sounds like part of your kids "compensation package" is use of a cell phone and computer time. My kids will find no direct deposit in their bank accounts when they hit the ATM. So sorry - NOT! It only had to happen a few times.

The upside is there are no arguments because everything has been spelled out. They can't run to dad and say mom is being unfair because the rules are that simple. You either did your job, or you didn't. End of story.

We also sat them down, showed them the paycheck and did the bills. That was a total eye opener for them. It's one thing to tell them, it's another to show them.

Good luck!