Opinions needed

[Tracelyn]

I need opinions of others who have MS about having a home etc.

Here is the background.
I bought a house about 13 years ago before marrying my husband. The house is a long way from his work, but the payments are low, and the amount owed on the house is well below the selling prices of the houses in the area.

He has began to pressure me to sell the house and get something closer to his work so he does not have to commute so far.

My feelings are that a) we could not buy/rent a place even half the size of what we have now for the cost of my monthly mortgage payments, and b) If I ever get into the position where I can't work, this is the only thing I have of value that I can sell and keep me afloat until SSDI is approved.

My husband does not seem to grasp the importance of why keeping the house is important.

Am I being selfish for wanting to keep the house, or should I give in and sell the house and move some place closer to his work.

[Redwings]

Providing for your future isn't selfish -- it's smart. Too many women don't look far enough ahead and then find themselves destitute when their husbands die or leave them. Your situation isn't about MS, it's about planning for the uncertainties of life in general.

If the situation were reversed, would your husband consider selling a house that's his sole property and financial security? Would he consider himself selfish for not wanting to sell, or would he consider you selfish for wanting him to sell and move? He knew what circumstances were going to be when he moved into your house. Is there a reason why he wants you to put yourself at a disadvantage to get him out of an undesirable situation that he chose? What does he think you're going to gain by selling and moving?

Beyond whether it's selfish to not sell, there are some legal and tax considerations for not only how your ownership is set up now, but also for what might happen to you financially if you sell and buy another house. You could be giving up legal and financial protection for yourself if a sale and repurchase aren't done exactly right.

It's a decision that you shouldn't make until you've gotten qualified financial and legal advice.

[NeuroNixed Craig]

Actually, you are right on top of what's important today and long term, big picture thinking regarding your own situation. Your husband sounds a tad like me and more short sighted and "what's in it for me NOW," kind of guy. Many times this thinking followed by my actions has had disastrous results in the past.

I now rely very heavily on my wife, her opinions, thoughts, life's planning and everything. Because she has the same big picture view ability as you.

Right now, we would not be able to afford the home we live in, especially with me on SSDI. Speaking of a commute when you are looking at long term and current financial advantages, commute is a trivial point.

My recommendation is to keep the home at all costs and possibly have your husband use the commute time to get an auto-commute education by listening to self-improvement or educational CD's to and from work.

Stand by your principles on this one, especially in the current financial climate and housing market.

[rdmc]

Well, I'll play the "devil's advocate."

First I'd ask how far is a far commute? Is it an hour commute...more, less?

Reason I ask, my DH is about a 10 minute commute from our house and boy is it handy. He can come home for lunch, which is especially helpful when I'm in an exacerbation. And when he's tasked with more household chores, as he sometimes is, it's nice to know he's not getting home late and then having to start in doing stuff around the house.

And as far as buying another home, there are some great buys right now in almost any real estate market, so if you haven't run the figures as to what it would cost to relocate, counting in what his commute cost is (gas in our area is upwards of 3 bucks a gallon now)...you probably owe it to yourself to investigate. There are scenarios where you could sell your home for a profit, and buy another home and have more equity in the new home than you have in your present home, just depends.

Like I said, just looking at the situation from a different angle.

[NeuroNixed Craig]

First I'd ask how far is a far commute? Is it an hour commute...more, less?

And as far as buying another home, there are some great buys right now in almost any real estate market, so if you haven't run the figures as to what it would cost to relocate, counting in what his commute cost is (gas in our area is upwards of 3 bucks a gallon now)...you probably owe it to yourself to investigate. There are scenarios where you could sell your home for a profit, and buy another home and have more equity in the new home than you have in your present home, just depends.

Like I said, just looking at the situation from a different angle.

"EXCELLENT" points! You have nothing to lose simply researching the possibilities. The choice to say "no" is always yours in the end.

Funny how some one can change the paradigm of a thread and open the possibilities.