Why do I always have to be strong??

[fitzy]

Hi Everyone,

I was dx'd 2 years ago on my 10th wedding anniversary. My husband is great, very patient.

Even though he's great I feel like I can't talk to him or anyone else about my MS. I have a pretty mild case with mostly eye pain, numbness and fatigue. I don't want anyone to think I'm a whiner and I don't want to cause my family anxiety or fear.

I work 30 hours a week and I go to college part time. I have 2 kids and 1 of them is disabled.

Ever since my dx I just keep going all the time. Like the Energizer bunny. I never stop. I have never taken the time to feel sad about the MS. I figure I'm better off than lots of people so what gives me the right to be sad.

Sometimes I feel so close to bursting! All it takes is some little thing at work to happen and I want to quit my job or never get out of bed. But, I just get out of bed and keep going, and going, and going, and going. I'm so tired.

I want to start some counseling but I live in a rural area and I really want to see someone who has experience working with people that have a chronic disease. I can't seem to find someone in my area that fits the bill so I just ignore my ever increasing sense that I am going to fall to pieces, and just keep going, and going, and going.

So sick of having to be strong. What does everyone else do? If you don't have a person to confide in how do you handle it?

[tommylee]

So sick of having to be strong. What does everyone else do? If you don't have a person to confide in how do you handle it?

Prayer seems to help me feel better and stronger.

Could ask your neuro about it?
Many people with MS seem to have issues with strong emotion problems or depression besides physical problems.

[gaje8061]

i feel the same way

I am so glad you posted this. I have been confirmed dx for about a year now. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year as well. anyways, Men in my opinion just don't understand the fatigue and pain we go through everyday. I go to school full time as a nursing student. Then I do many hours of homework, try to run, and do household duties. I am just exhausted. I too feel like I always have to be the strong one. If i don't show enthusiam when we go out places I get the if you didn't feel good we should have stayed home. This disease is unpredictable and you never know when that fatigue is going to come on you. I too have a mild case. I'm only 24 and its very difficult. I often feel in the dark most of the time and don't talk about it to anyone. That's why i come on here a variety of the time. To try to find someone to confide in and talk to about these types of issues. No one understands unless you are dealing with it yourself. I'm defianately here to talk anytime. I found a website last night that breaks it down for people who don't have it and activities that they could do to simulate what we feel. I hope this helps. Keep your head up. You do alot everyday and thats wonderful. Some people aren't as lucky as we are.

[poohb3ar]

fitzy,
you don't and shouldn't always have to be strong. you need a break every once in awhile. you might end up running yourself into the ground or just falling over.

does you DH know how you feel? it's not whining it's communicating with your partner. i know it's hard to explain to non-MSrs. i, too, don't always mention how i feel so i don't get the pity or whatever. but we're still only human.
do talk to your neuro. a lot of MSrs are on antidepressant meds. it's not a bad thing, a fact with MS - it causes us to be depressed. go figure! you can get very small doses if you're opposed to meds. i think it'll help you feel better about life.
i applaud your efforts to keep going. but please be careful. sometimes we do so much that our bodies force us to stop.
been there, done that when my dad had heartattack, stroke, then 3 subsequent surgeries PLUS moving my family and him 3 states away into one house. all within a 3 mos. time period.
i pray a lot and God got/ gets me through. but after it was all over, 2 days after his last surgery i fell to pieces.
left side was paralyzed and couldn't move my wc, potty or anything by myself. i ended up being a burden to dad & DH.
sometimes we just got to keep going, but do give yourself a break when you can.
for me being a Christian, prayer & Bible reading helps a lot.
but God created us to be socialable. i've used hotlines from MS orginazations to talk to knowledgable people. it's confidential and no one in your small town will know. if you take one of the DMDs they always have a nurse hotline, which i have found helpful. find one you particularly like t and ask for them.
i'm praying that you find the relief you need.
gaje, praying for you too.
ya'll hang in there and may God bless ya!

[Jules A]

Don't assume there isn't anyone in your rural area that has experience with chronic illness or wouldn't be of any value to you if they don't. I'm a big fan of counseling and medication if needed.

Hang in there. I know how crazy work, school and MS can be but it makes me feel very proactive even with my exhaustion.

[Polanya]

*HUGS* I know exactly how you feel. I finally ended up going to a therapist who helped me get a handle on the fact that its OK to breakdown every now and then. For me and I bet for you its much bigger than just the MS (as if that wasn't enough). Every time something upsetting happens I always felt I had to be the strong one because everyone always leans on me so I had no system in place to let myself lean on them. I'm still working on it I talk to my therapist, God and I keep a journal just to rant and get it off my chest that no one will ever see. Get it out there and off your chest. Heck find someone to send random emails to, (yes I'm offering). You need to do whatever it takes to may you feel better because you can easily start resenting those you love for leaning on you when you don't feel you can reciprocate.

Just my crazy opinion

[Beau2006]

HI there

People dont want to listen, because they truly do not undersand, and the thought of a loved one, or a friend or someone close having this scares them - it means that they too one day could get something that is not curable (at least not for now) and that just scares them to death.

Then there is the other type of person who sadly is self absorbed. You can tell who they are when u say that you have a very sore neck....and before u finish your statement, they begin to tell you about what is wrong with them...I usually tell these people, "this talk is not about u, its about me"

My family has been very good, but when they do not understand something, or forget that fatigue for example is a major part of my daily life, I tear out articles from various mags, resource material, and leave them in placess where they have no choice but to pick it up and likely read it......bathroom floor, coffee table, dining room table, seat of the car, any where - and for the most part, they do read the material, and I often get - "huh - I didnt know that". (even if I have told them several times)...

I give them examples...I just dont tell people I am tired, Ill tell them, not full of energy today...I feel like I took three sleeping pills, been up for 24 hours, and along the way drank a bunch of wine" "Thats how smart and energetic I am today"....

My daughter came home, she is 18, after working for many hours, and of course being a young person, partied most the night before going to work, she came home, and dropped on the couch....thats when I hit her up and asked her to help me move some furniture from the garage to the rec room in the basement....all she could do was look at me and tell me "Im dead on my feet, so tired I cant think straight....it was then that I told her "remember this very minute" and when I tell u that I am fatigued, remember this moment....

Just some things that I do....

Gary

[rocky282]

Yes the therapist hellps

I agree with some of the other posters, the therapist is really helping me. My husband is a disabled VET and he has his fair share of problems, but I'm the one with the MS. I have days where I can hardly get out of bed, but I have to. So much to do with 3 little kids and a house to take care of. Things to clean, cook, wash, etc...

What is the main point i'm getting at? Well as my therapist told me you have to dedicate some time to yourself every week. Just a couple of hours where you do exactly what you want and send the world away. I know it is rough, up until April I was working full time, going to school full time for my MBA, taking care of my 3 kids, the house, the vehicles, and everything else in life and most of it without my husband because he hadn't retired yet from the ARMY. It's rough, and breakdowns WILL happen.

I'll think happy thoughts for you, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Perhaps use some of those techniques others talk about to get the other person to feel some of your experiences. I really love the one where you ace bandage their rib cage so they feel how it is when you can't get a breath right. lol I know i'm deranged. hahahahaha

[yankeesonlygirl]

I cannot be strong anymore either. I have so many responsibilities that I have to do, it gets so overwhelming. There are days that I know if one more thing happens, I am going to snap.

I am like you, I have no one to confide in either. My husand, even though he sees what I go through, is somehw still in the denial stage. I run half the business, I am the bookeeper of the family, plus I am housewife. I have to do all these things if I am sick or not. I am so tired my nerves are gone.

I am alone in this also. There is no one that understand what this is like. What it takes away from yor life.

MS Active source that is found on the Avonex website have a phone number that you can call and just talk to someone that knows what you are going through. I have done it. I also think the MS Society can help you find groups or numbers that you can call.

Try it. Your not alone. We are all out here with you.

[Krysalus]

hugs

Hi Fitzy.

You don't have to always be strong. If everyone else gets to fall apart once in a while, why do you not allow yourself what you allow them? Why not do something for you?

I know what you mean. I finished college at night while working 2, count em 2 jobs. My younger son lives with me and I needed the extra money to pay his tuition in H.S. His dad gives me nothing that the court doesn't make him.

So - My family pretends I'm fine. They mostly operate on the 'if you don't see it, it doesn't exist' policy. They don't really discuss it with me or ask me if I"m okay. Some days I'm so tired I just want to scream. I can definitely relate to the idea of quitting my job and staying in bed some days. Of course, I then drag myself out of bed and go to work.

Don't write off the idea of talking to someone professional. They can be very helpful. You might not find the right person on the first shot but don't give up either.

I also suggest you take some time for yourself every week. Do something just for you because you are just as important as everyone else in your family. Get your hair done, your nails. Take a bath with some scented candles burning. It could be doing an inch of knitting on a scarf but it's time that is YOURS, not anyone elses. It took me a while to do this for myself. Sometimes 10 minutes of alone time can help me refresh myself and not resent the other 23 hours and 50 minutes where I am doing stuff for everyone else.

hang in there. Be well.

[Leola Stotts]

You need to begin to share how you are really feeling with someone you trust. You cannot always remain strong. It will begin to wear you down, and emotionally drain you. Try to be honest with others in small ways and they will begin to see that you have some issues. You need to be good to yourself. Do something good for just you every day. It might be just a soak in the tub with candles around. It might be just 10 minutes alone with a book or some quiet music. Try to learn how to destress.

[Krysalus]

just wondering how you are

Hi Fitzy.

I was wondering how you are. Hope all is well.