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My fiance doesn't understand

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    #1

    My fiance doesn't understand

    I love and plan to marry a wonderful man who was there when I was dx, and has been with me ever since, and never thought of leaving. I have been having problems lately, though, because my symptoms have been getting worse, and I am in the process of applying for disability, because I cannot work full time (barely part time) because of the pains I have sitting or standing for long periods of time.

    My fiance thinks that I am psyching myself out, if you will...believing I should be worse, I am making my body feel worse (like when you were little and wanted to be to sick to go to school so badly you actually made yourself sick). I have tried over and over to explain that I am not making it up, or trying to make it worse, far from it! I wish I could just use the power of positive thinking to make the pains that shoot up my legs and make me limp for hours go away, or the pain that forced me to wear a wrist brace for days dissipate...it isn't going to happen. He doesn't understand and it kills me. He thinks I am getting 'to wrapped up in MS' and that my dx is 'changing who I am'.

    I just put all this on here because I am hoping someone has a way that I could make him understand a little better. This disease is an invisible one, as you all know, and honestly, if I could make it manifest itself visibly I would, just to make things easier for him to see.

    I hope you can help me >.<
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    #2
    we understand

    I understand fully I have had this Monster for 9 years now still walking riding motorcycle, helping friends out and working full time. There are time that sitting my back hurts so much that i need to walk to make it feel better. He needs to be understanding. I have been married to a wonderful and supporting wife for going on eleven years and I have been with her for 13 years. We have been through the good the bad and the ugly. If he is up for the challenge he will start to understand and accept you. Yes MS does change you physically but mentally you are still the same person he fell in love with. Have faith and hope he realizes you are still the woman the he fell in love with and wants to marry. Good luck we are here for you

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      #3
      I get so sick of reading about the "power of positive thinking" and feel that it is an insult to those truly struggling with a body that is betraying them.

      Please get some counseling for yourself and him if he will go. It sounds like your life is changing and having professional insight should help you. Be prepared that some people just can't deal with the harsh realities of a disease like MS. Best wishes to you.
      He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
      Anonymous

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        #4
        Understanding Caregiver

        I recently married my husband. He was diagnosed years before we met. I knew very little about MS before him. I have asked him a lot of questions and continue to ask. I have read books, joined this site and gone to lectures with him. These are things I would hope that your fiance is doing. If not, you might ask him to learn more.
        Since we have been together his symptoms have worsened. I don't think there is any way to truly prepare either of us for his changing symptoms now or in the future. The best way I am able to think about what it's like for him is to think about how I felt when I had mono. I try to remember that this is what he always feels like, but worse.
        Sometimes he tells me he is glad I am understanding. Other times he is frustrated at having to explain. I am willing to talk with your fiance if it would help. Good luck!

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          #5
          Originally posted by Jules A View Post
          I get so sick of reading about the "power of positive thinking" and feel that it is an insult to those truly struggling with a body that is betraying them.
          I in no way want sound like I succumbed to negative thinking but I fully agree with Jules A. Life goes, especially since I am the only breadwinner in the household, three screaming kids ages five and under (the youngest hit the "terrible twos" stage), maintain a very professional job that I am trying to keep my condition a secret for as long as I can, blah... blah... blah...

          It would be nice if the "power of positive thinking" could help me come up with the right six numbers to the Texas Lottery but I still have to face every day life head on. I still haven't lost my optimism but I still have to be realistic on a day to day basis.

          Comment

            #6
            still waiting for those powerball numbers can anyone help me out HaHaHa

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              #7
              Originally posted by diehl96 View Post
              still waiting for those powerball numbers can anyone help me out HaHaHa
              That is what always cracks me up so-called psychics. Researchers have conducted studies where they give a group of them cash at Vegas and then they do what they need to do to harness their psychic power (worship a tree, etc...). But they always end not having a pile of cash from the casinos.

              And they can't win at powerball or any other lottery...

              Call me a cynic but when they start walking around with a pile of cash then I will believe it... And not income from TV shows but from winning something...

              Comment

                #8
                Dear Razz: It's hard to keep life in balance and not get "too wrapped up" in this MS thing - especially early on when you are trying to adjust and see a lot of years ahead that could be difficult. I hope your fiance has what it takes to continue to support you. He might just have been having a bad day, same as we all seem to have but he does need to maybe visit this website or read a book of others experiences with MS etc. If he is loving and mature he should be able to handle and understand what you are going through. If it continues to get worse and you feel his support slipping away then you might have to come up with a plan B. I hope he is a good and loving man and will stand by you. If he is...then God bless him. My man is the best and I know how lucky I am. They don't grow on trees.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Although it is difficult to deal with, many men have a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality. I was engaged to one, but he couldn't be there for me when I needed to. I have a lot of trauma from the past that I know I need to deal with to move on and live a healthy life in the future. He couldn't understand why I couldn't just leave the past in the past and get on with it. He believed that I was causing my own stress and difficulties by focusing on the past instead of the present and couldn't understand that the past WAS affecting my present whether I focused on it or not.

                  I hope that your fiance is able to overcome how he feels and be the supportive partner that you need and deserve, but keep in mind that some men simply have this philosophy in life and no amount of therapy or conversation will change it.

                  Wishing you the best.
                  Kj

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