any MSers who are caregivers as well?

[Tawanda]

My Mothier In Law has been diagnosed with colon cancer that has metastasized just about everywhere else in her lower abdominal area. She lives in the same city, and decided to get chemo, which eliminates hospice (or hospice-like care) which she did have after she came home from the hospital. We didn't even know if she would leave the hospital, but she did. Now she can't have it both ways. With chemo., she can have some nursing assistance, but not round the clock. Plus, on the first night stay which was supposed to be last night, the nurse never even showed up and my husband burned up yet another FMLIA day today. He has 2 sisters. All are in their 40s and work fulltime.

Since I "don't have a job", and I look like I don't have M.S., my services have been pressed for more and more, and I think it will get worse before it gets better. At the same point, my husband isn't even going to work because he is so sleep deprived and so I'm not even helping protect his job. I have to bring my 9 year old over to the apartment as it is summer vacation and that is the worst part of it. She is bored and I am sleep-deprived and am sick taking care of someone sicker. Oh it is just a horrible situation. My MIL is really past the point of treatment, but no one would dare tell a person that who is still fighting the good fight.

I just wonder if any of you have been in any similar situations. I am doing what I can do, but I don't know what my limit is and I don't want to find out after it's too late. My husband keeps saying he is trying to keep me out of it, but that is pretty much not going to happen.

[Justsayyes]

Ohhh Tawanda, I am so sorry you are going thru this!

Yes, I have taken care of my mother who had colon cancer that went to her liver. She was diagnosed stage 4, went on chemo. She actually did very well for over a year. She was only sick right after chemo and would recover enough to do pretty well.

She ended up having a stent put in because of a ureter blockage and never did well after that, quit the chemo and we signed up for Hospice. She stayed at home, we ordered a hospital bed that we put in the family room for her. She had hospice coming to oversee her care. They did a wonderful job.

I did not have MS at this time, and I lived 250 miles away, going up on weekends. I cared for her the very last week along with my father and brother and the help of the Hospice nurses. For some reason there were no nurses available for several days right before she passed.

I will be praying for you and your family to get thru this. I can only give you my support here. Hospice has some wonderful information on the web, I recommend reading up for your own benefit.

[cocogirl]

First, Tawanda, I will be praying for you as you go through all of this.

Yes, my dh has esophageal and stomach cancer. He is only stage 2 and has only 2 lymph nodes involved as far as they know. It has been a back and forth thing for us. I have M.S. and now my own stuff happening with my common bile duct. He takes care of me when I have surgeries and cannot do for myself. I drive him home from his surgical procedures every 3 months and take care of him in between time when he is so fatigued he can't put one foot in front of the other.

It is a very stressful thing to go through and I could not do it without my faith.

Please find a time each day to devote to just you even if it is only for 30 minutes. Don't have the phone on, TV on, and have someone else to answer the door. You have to put your health as a priority too.

Blessings on all your family!

[rdmc]

I chuckle when they say "Avoid stress." I'm presently in my third go as a caregiver, of sorts.

My FIL was in a care facility just a couple blocks from us, and once he was admitted there, my MIL came to live with us. Both were very elderly. My FIL just needed "checking up on"...but that meant one of us popping in everyday, at least. And since we were so close, the care facility would often call when they were having issues with him, and one of us would go over there. I went during the day, my husband would go in the evening. My MIL wasn't terminally ill, but just having to be responsible for her meals, transportation, etc. was sometimes overwhelming (at the time our son was a teenager and I was around 50...so we had menopause, puberty, and senility all under the same roof, LOL.)

Now my mom has been very ill. For months we took shifts at the hospital (with my MIL and FIL it was just us, with my mom and dad, I have siblings who chip in.) I pushed beyond my limits and ended up w/an exacerbation. Now she has been home for 7 months, but completely bedridden. We have hospice and private duty nurses, but there are issues everyday that have to be addressed. I'm in another exacerbation and I haven't been able to participate in my mom's care "physically" (I can hardly get around the house and driving to their home has been beyond my ability)...there's still the mental and emotional stress, and I try to take on the role of calling docs/nurses, doing the bookeeping and paying bills, etc to take some of the burden off my siblings since they are physically involved.

There are no easy answers...just muddle through. I have decided one thing though, I'm going to quit stressing about being stressed, because there's no way to avoid stress w/elderly, ill parents. And stressing over being stressed does nothing except add to my stress level.

[freedom1]

caregiver with ms

I also am a caregiver for both of my grandparents. My grandfather is 92 with congestive heart failure and while my grandmother has no physical problems she is 90 and requires some care. So I am POA, chauffeur, bookkeeper, advisor to name a few of the hats I wear.

I am spms and on disibility, some days I feel as if I am being pulled in so many directions my head might explode, sort of like it did when I was working as a VP of operations at a bank. I also have 3 daughters, a husband and 2 dogs.

I frequently remind myself how my grandparents were there for me without question all of my life with any help that I may have needed and now it is my turn to give back to them. Some days it is very difficult and I have learned to tell them what I can and can not do and they are very accepting of my limitations. However they buried 2 of their 3 children, one from diabetes and one from severe MS. My mom is very ill with lupus, so maybe all of this helps with their acceptance.

It is not easy to care for someone else and show compassion when you yourself are dying inside but for me it is well worth the price, my grandparents were my rock and idols all of my life and as they would do anything for me I am at peace doing anything for them. I couldn't live with myself any other way.