Super Sister or Selfish Sister?

[sistercaregiver]

This is my first post and i'm just hoping that perhaps i can connect with other caregivers for a little encouragement. My sister-in-law (known her since she was 14 so to me she's my sister) has had MS for several years now and after a horrible divorce, she and her 8 year old moved in with my husband and I (and my mother-in-law but that's a whole nother story). Anyway, my husband travels a lot and my daughter is in college now and my mother-in-law (her mother) is little help at all so I have taken on the responsibility of caregiving to my sister and mothering my niece when needed. I work from home as an association director that keeps me very busy and with her doctor appts., PT, and general helping out, it gets awfully tiring. Every day over and over, day after day. God, is wish there was one day when i asked how she was doing and she said fine. I keep telling myself that I'm being selfish and that I should thank God that I'm healthy and able to help. I know she would do the same for me. I'm at the point in my life where I should be traveling with my husband and regaining my freedom since my child is off in college but it's not possible and i don't see it changing any time soon. Does anyone else ever struggle with these feelings? Am I a bad person? Most of the time I'm fine but there are just days when I get resentful and wish I could be free. I guess she probably does too, huh?

[tommylee]

I'm at the point in my life where I should be traveling with my husband and regaining my freedom since my child is off in college but it's not possible and i don't see it changing any time soon. Does anyone else ever struggle with these feelings? Am I a bad person? Most of the time i'm fine but there are just days when I get resentful and wish I could be free. I guess she probably does too, huh?

No! You are not a bad person!
You take care of MIL and SIL and Niece?
If you never had any selfish thoughts you would not be human.

God bless you for all that you do.

Most of us have lives that are different from our dreams, but we still dream.

Thanks for everything you do.

Please feel welcome to come here and complain or ask questions or just piss up a rope for a while.
You are welcome here and will probably find others that face some of the same challenges you do.

Thank you for taking such good care of your husbands family.
You are a rare gem of a person.

[Jules A]

You are not a selfish person! You sound wonderful and loving and your family is lucky to have you.

Most people don't realize how hard it is to care for someone else and I'd urge you to seek professional assistance before you become sick. It is not your duty to put your life on hold, imo. You can not do it all and no one should expect you to. Please insist on some help. Hugs, Jules

[TaoWarrior]

Nope not bad at all. A lot like my wife actually. She is there for me, helps her blind mother, puts up with a lot of grief from a teen daughter and less often but worse a me generation MIL who never got over herself (my mom I love her but it's true) yet rarely gets time for herself. She has a couple of medical issues herself which she puts on hold to help pay for my treatments and make sure the kids are taken care of and enough is left for emergencies.

It takes a special person to be a care giver and for that person to once in a while want to care for themselves is not selfish.

[sistercaregiver]

Thanks so much for all your kind words. It's hard to imagine the pain that a person with MS is suffering on a day to day basis and my sister has been having a "bad day" for over two months now with no relief. What i wouldn't give just to see her be able to drive for longer than 15 minutes at a time, or take a long walk with her daughter, or simply to be able to look high through the budding trees or bend low to see the sprouting flowers in the garden. She's not even 40 yet and I worry about what the future holds for her and for me. I feel so guilty sharing my feelings and resentment at times but it's nice to know that I am human and others understand and/or feel the same way at times. So we'll keep plugging on, trying new treatments until we find something that works and can ease her pain, even a little would be nice.

[Des]

You deserve a break today. OK, I know it was from a McDonald's commercial, but it is definitely true for you.

Hospice homes can provide caregivers so you can take breaks. I'm not sure what kind of help you're giving your sister-in-law, but it sounds like you are doing WAY too much on your own.

Remember you need to take care of yourself. Doing that is not at all selfish. It gives you the strength and energy you need to help everybody else.