Have you ever asked a stranger

[502E79]

if they have MS?

Upon leaving a store yesterday I saw a woman approaching and stopped to allow her to pass. She had a cane and her arm was in the "broken wing" pose... my mind immediately went "she has MS." Realizing I was staring right at her I quickly said something about the nice day and hoping she was enjoying it. She smiled and responded in kind, and passed slowly, quite hobbled.

I was thisclose to saying "May I ask you a question? Is MS the cause of your disability?"

No one knows of my MS, although another MSer could take an intelligent guess after observing my gait.... and I don't know how I would feel or respond. Thoughts?

Jer

[Jules A]

I haven't ever said it but I sure have wondered. I think it is like seeking out our own kind in a way.

[0485c10]

I do so pretty routinely after being diagnosed with MS...usually not the first time i see someone using an assistive device or walking strangely, i will ask after i see them a few times.

i try to do it politely, first i volunteer that i have had MS for 7 years and i ask them if they would mind telling me whats wrong with them, but i won't be offended if they prefer not to tell me.

last person i did this to, a few months ago, was a young man, who worked at McDonalds. He told me it was cerebral palsy and it was very expensive to have. He cleans the tables and mops the floor at McDonald's.


He told me he goes for therapy at a swimming pool to maintain his mobility. He was nice he told me what he had going on when i asked, but he seemed upset to have done it and ducked into an employees area immediately after telling me. I'm kind of embarassed to have asked..but i highly admire him for keeping on, keeping on.

MS and cerebral palsy have so much in common, i have a cousin with CP, mentally disabled,able to walk, not talk, or with enough dexterity in his hands to unzip his jeans to go to the bathroom. someone has to unzip his fly every time he has to go to the BR. It was cute when he was young, as an adult male. Its not so cute and much sadder.
it was from the beginning and it will be forever for him. Its always been so for him.

i worked as a home attendant to a mentally disabled 56 year old quadripalegic woman with CP when i was in college.

MS & CP are so similar, they can both be mild or severe...but one has always been so for the person who has it and one was acquired.

it has always left me with the knowledge that MS is like.... having loved and lost is better than never having loved at all. although there is a great deal of depression in having lost love, most would choose the depression than not having experienced love at all.

[Lendi]

I've sure considered whether or not several people have MS. I've never asked anyone if they do, though. And, unless I knew them pretty well I doubt that I ever would. If I knew them that well they'd probably know I have MS as I'm not all that shy about it and I assume they would tell me if they were also an MSer if they wanted me to know.

As I said, I'm pretty open about having MS, usually. I don't think I'd like it if some stranger came up to me and asked me about it, though.

[andeolus]

I don't know, maybe I'm overly sensitive but I really dislike when a stranger asks me why I use a cane. To me, it's such a personal question. Floors me every time. When I tell them I have MS, they tend to say "oh" and they look very uncomfortable. I don't know if they expected me to say I was in an accident or something.

I also wonder if it's because there's not a lot of awareness about MS. I had a friend ask me straight up if it was fatal.

[Jules A]

I had a friend ask me straight up if it was fatal.

I don't get offended very easily I guess because I would be glad they ask if they were concerned about it.

It sure can be would have been my answer.

[SwedishPrince]

Last summer at an outdoor event, my wife noticed the wife of a fairly new acquaintance wearing a cooling vest. So my DW asked her about the vest, and the lady said she has MS. So of course there were lots of conversations between us after that.

[Windwalker]

I would not hesitate to ask a person who I thought had MS.
For me, I guess it comes out of a sense of comradery.

I'm anxious to meet others with MS...and believe me, few have as obvious symptoms as mine. I seriously doubt they would take any offense at all.

[StillOkay]

I don't ask, even if I suspect, because my reactions to people asking me are not always positive. It depends on timing and on intention.

If I'm just enjoying being out, not thinking about MS at all, and someone I don't know asks what's wrong with me, just out of curiosity, I resent that.

If I know someone is asking out of concern, I don't mind answering. Or if someone is in a similar situation and needs someone to identify with, then I don't mind.

I always answer children's questions - they're usually about my power chair, and I can truthfully give them a positive response about how much fun it is to zip around town in it. Better they grow up thinking a disability doesn't have to be the end of the world...

[Seasha]

A few months ago I went to a concert in a big arena. Sat in the handicap section with my w/c next to a woman who had a really cool power chair. Of course I was curious... while we waited for the music to start we talked a bit and I asked her if she liked her chair. I asked what brought her to using a chair and she said "cerebral palsy". She asked, "what about you"? MS.

It was a very pleasant conversation about our disabilities and when the music started we both rocked out in our chairs! You never know when or where a positive connection can be made unless you ask or speak up!

Maybe we were fortunate in both of us being very open. I guess it could have turned out differently.

[Camsue]

I often wonder and did finally ask someone in my Weight Watcher's group who uses a 'round-about' 'Jazzy' kind of rider.

She has fibramyalgia along with another condition and is on daily steriods..interesting but not MS.

I picture myself hugging a fellow sufferer and calling them sister/brother. Our local MS group disbanded and I have not driven to another city.

[Scooter24]

Yes I have, it was a golfer at the course I play at, found out that he and another guy he knows with MS play together as they move a little slow and don't want to hold other people up, I now also play with them on a semi regular basis, though we do discuss ms occasionally regarding recent changes etc, we really share tips on how to keep our game going and cooling tips. We call our selves the thre gimps. but we have a hell of alot of fun together.

[Shallwearpurple]

to ask or not to ask...

I don't think I'd like being asked by someone who is just holding a door for me or passing by quickly.

Maybe if you are sitting beside one another for a time at something like a concert as was already mentioned, it makes sense...if you both have a cane, walker, chair, scooter.

I have offended people with disabilities just by hurrying to open a door or offering assistance. These particular people wanted to do it all alone. I can't imagine their response if I had asked a personal question.

[onlyairfare]

"Because I look so good," (I do not have any visible signs of MS other than a limp and mild balance difficulties), I don't think anyone has ever asked me if I have MS. If they did, I might say "Why on earth would you ask me such a personal question?" And I would certainly never ask a stranger if they had MS; that would feel rude to me.

OTOH, if I were in a conversation with a new acquaintance, if they were nice, and if the conversation were headed in the direction of health and why we both had some problem (say, trouble walking), I'd probably ask/answer the question "Do you have MS."

Or more likely one of us would say "My problem with walking is because of MS."

[Tomjadg]

I agree with stillokay and purple.

I usually don't ask strangers.