Employment and starting a family

[als5445]

So I just graduated from Nursing school. Me and husband have been married a year now and were thinking about having kids. The issue is fitting it in with the whole trying to get/keep a job/worrying about relapses/financial issues.

Since I'm on Tysabri, I believe it's six months that I would have to be off meds before we could even try. Being a nurse, I don't know that I could trust myself working and not being on meds. So I figure it would either be we try now and I don't apply for jobs for a year which a) I don't know if we could afford especially being as I have to start paying back student loans on top of everything else, b) i don't want to forget half of what I learned in college and c) it looks bad on a resume. Or I could get a job and work for a few years then quit, which also looks bad on a resume, plus I'm impatient.

I guess I'm looking for opinions and also just venting. Just another thing that MS has to complicate.

[Shallwearpurple]

adding babies to the family...

All other concerns aside...My husband and I were married two years when we started trying and four years before baby came. In hindsight, over twenty years later, I see that it could have been of great benefit to our marriage to have waited a bit longer. We have a wonderful marriage and our children are a joy. However, it is just a fact that adding to the family adds stress. There are many things married couples don't realize they need to work on until baby comes. The stronger the marriage before baby, the better.

I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and so am glad that I didn't start an important career. Since we were not dependent on my salary, I was able to quit work and stay home with our children.

Since you want to get your career started, I'd advise you to wait on the baby just a year or so. It isn't just your MS during an unmedicated pregnancy that will affect your career. You will have to be absent from work for all those doctor appointments for the pregnancy, then absent for 6 to eight weeks after the birth, then absent to take the baby for her many check ups/shots/illnesses. You might want to get a solid year under your belt before starting all those absences. I had difficult pregnancies and was on bedrest for much of each of them. I only worked outside the home during my first. That employer would have fired me if they could have due to my absences. I had many extra appointments due to problems with the pregnancy. At one point, I was having blood drawn three times per week for a couple of months. I had to be late or leave early on all those days.

[Jules A]

In my experience not working as a new graduate nurse makes finding a job very difficult when you are ready unless of course things turn around and the extreme nursing shortage comes back. Keep in mind that sadly nurses aren't always the most compassionate to peers with regard to family obligations or illnesses.

Although it wouldn't be ideal if I were you I would work for a few years now while you can and bank some experience and money for what we know can be an uncertain future with MS.

As a new nurse I'm guessing you are aware of the possible implications with regard to MS and deciding to have biological children. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[quietposter]

Speaking from an employer point of view. I would want an extremely conscientious person like you on my team. Caring about your ability to care for others is so valuable.

I have no idea what your age is or anything like that, but assuming you have time on your side for childbearing years, I would say get a foothold in the industry before you begin the process of having children.

I would also research your state laws, the ADAA laws and FMLA. That will give you a better idea on your employee rights overall as well as timing to qualify for things like FMLA, for the purpose of job security.

I also read somewhere that if you go off Tysabri you can't go back on it, so you may want to check that with your doctor. I might be mixed up, wouldn't be the first time, but I thought it was Tysabri.

[Redwings]

Two good reasons to start your career now you've already mentioned: 1) getting a foothold as a new grad to put your fresh knowledge to work right away and 2) starting to pay back student loans.

Another important reason to start your career right away is to establish a work history and start paying into Social Security. That's an absolute requirement if you become disabled and have to apply for disability benefits. There are too many sad stories of stay-at-home moms who either never establish or lose their eligibility by not working and then have no financial safety net (even though it isn't much) when they find they need to work and then can't because of disability. So there's something to be said about getting your minimum work credits accrued before starting a family.

As far as it looking bad on a resume to work a few years and then quit to have kids, what looks good and bad in a person's job history has changed a lot over the last 10 years. Who knows what the job market is going to be like in five years? Employers might change what they're looking for in a job candidate, or circumstances might be that you can't quit. (It's been a new millenium for a decade already. It's not a good idea for a woman to plan to quit working and depend on someone else for support.) Fortunately, nursing is (at least for now) a profession that can be practiced part-time.

[Bob698]

There's a lot of good advice in this thread.
Never mind the MS angle, I've seen a lot of people fall into that "I want it and I want it right NOW" trap.
They have a job or two, a maxxed out credit card, a house they can't afford, a new car to pay off, kids in daycare, etc., etc., etc. and they wonder why they're always broke while they pray to muddle through til next month.
That isn't living, that's existing as long as the money keeps coming in.
Not saying this is your situation, I just know some very unhappy people.

Definitely take the time to settle in as a couple and get to know each other. Definitely get your finances in order prior to having kids.

[onlyairfare]

Nursing is a flexible career, but it is easier to get the flexibility after you have some experience working as a nurse.

One of the flexibilities might be working different shifts - nights (11pm - 7am) or evenings (3pm - 11pm) - or a different work week such as 12 hour shifts on Friday/Saturday/Sunday (and being paid for 40 hours when you work 36 hours). That leaves some "normal" hours during Monday - Friday from 9 to 5 for doctor appointments, or for you to be home while your spouse works those normal hours.

My husband is a nurse, and he quit work when our oldest was born, in order to care for the baby while I returned to work pretty quickly; my employment situation was the less flexible one. When he went back to work, he did find it harder as a male nurse to drop back in to the work force than it is for female nurses. It seems employers believe it is normal for women to take time off from work to have kids, but not men. However, he eventually did get the flexible hours that complemented my work hours.

So I suppose I agree with those who say "get a little experience first," but really it's your own decision as a couple as to what will work best for you.

[kebsa]

it is a really valid point that taking time away from nursing soon and after qualifying and not doing a graduate program can make things tougher when you are looking for work, so i would try to consolidate your training first if i were you. It is true that nursing is a career where traditionally, ill health is not well tolerated by peers but having said that, once you have a good foundation, it also a career where there may be more options available to you if the MS starts having a bigger impact on you

I have been a nurse for 30 yrs now, i had a serious accident that damaged my right leg straight after qualifying. I managed to consolidate my training and when i started having more problems with the damaged leg i was able to find positions where i could pick my hours more readily or i could work from an agency so that i could pick when i was able to work or not. 15 yrs ago i had my righ leg amputated and then 8 yrs ago i was dx with MS- i have been chair dependant for over a decade and although only part time, i have carried on working as a nurse ( for the past 11yrs i have worked in the telehealth area). But i think this would have been more difficult if i had no formed a good foundation to help when things got tougher.

the post that advised you to check out the relevant legislation in your area gave you valuable advise too.

lastly, the saying "prepare for the worst and hope for the best" comes to mind. I know that MS is a degenerative disease but don't forget that it progresses at different rates for different people. Even then, there can be times when it seems more aggressive to a person and then steadies out. So i would be setting myself up for the chance of a long career, not forgetting about family - but also keeping in mind that at some stage the MS is likely to cause some problems-

Good luck with the career ( and family)- i know i have saide that nursing as a profession can be unkind to its own have health problems but i actually think that having health problems and having been on the other side as a patient can only help to improve our ability to provide good care, so get out there!

[als5445]

Thanks for all the replies. Supposedly there's going to be a huge nursing shortage coming up so maybe If I would take off mid career and try to go back it won't matter so much.

Kebsa- Was it difficult to get a foot into the telehealth field? I wouldn't even know where to look to get a job like that.