Stroke then discovery of MS

[Cinnveet1984]

I have been sick for 10 years being told I had Fibro., and it wasnt until 09/09 when I had a major stroke the dr's found out I have M.S. After having the stroke is when the major flares started. And so did the depression. I was no longer myself. The stroke took that away and I am left with short term memory loss. Speech problems and just very weak on left side. If only the ambulance got me to hospital faster, If only the hospital figured out I was having a stroke and could have givin me that injection to stop the damage of a stroke I wouldn't have been left with this aftermath.

Yes I know there are alot of people worse off then me. But for now I am trying to figure out who "me" is. I feel like when I was having my stroke and I was unable to speak and I was trapped in my own body screaming in my head. I am wondering if my old self is still stuck in my body screaming to get out. I think of these things, you know. I grieve over my old self as if she passed away because I no longer carry any of her traits. When in a flare I get so scared that it will produce another stroke. I dont know where to turn to for help. I talk with my husband but it is the same sentences I speak of over and over.

What do I do.
Cin

***Message broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Some of our members have vision problems with large blocks of type.***

[mjan]

First of all, I am truly sorry for ALL you are enduring and have endured. You have had a life alternating event with MS on top of that stroke.

I went through diagnoses of TIAs along with fibromyalgia for years until 1st MS neuro said I never had TIAs.hmm..sure presented as if I had. I also get these "epidoses" where I can FEEL like I am about to lose consciousness, my memory, speech is altered till I no longer can remain alert. I LOOK unresponsive BUT I can hear. I cannot move (most times paralyzed)..nor open my eyes, so I can identify with screaming in my head but unable to speak. No one till this day knows for sure WHAT those episodes truly are..or what causes them. But, I do come out of them. I have other complicating disorders which complicate MS and "these episodes"...

What I am concerned about is your depression and grief. Are you seeing a therapist? And do you get any kind of rehab? Just wondering if you can improve more. Can you?

Just know that I am here for you along with others who will care and support you. The stages of grief seem apparent and yes you need to complete these stages of grieivng..but it doesn't happen in nice little steps. You can remain stuck or plateau. When that happens, IF you want this depression lifted you need assistancea and support to guide you through. Also, do not underestimate how the BRAIN needs nourishment in the form of whole food nutrients. You'd be surprised how damage, with chemical imbalances, along with meds deplets the brain of the very nturients your body is robbed of with meds/trauma.

I know. I went to a specialized nutritionist and amazed my docs after they saw my improvement. Now its not a cure, but helping the brain work at its optimal.

Remember, you are NOT alone, we care and will be there for you. Who else do you have in your life to support you?

Hugs, Jan

[barelracer]

stroke issue

I can sympathize a bit, i had been having sx's for a long time, and in sept '10 i had a stroke...

It's hard to deal with the thought that at 38 i had a stroke, and my last mri was scary, showing the lesion from the storke had grown..(no answer as to why)

I get bouts of optic neuritis which have affected my vision and left lesions on my optic nerves...along with migraine with aura...every time i lose sensation in a limb or have a severe headache, i worry about another stroke too...

i am so sorry you are going thru this, but try to think of every day as a blessing, and keep trying to find answers on how to stop or slow the disease progression..

i am not diagnosed yet, only "probable ms" and a slew of other dx's....but look forward to the day i get an answer..!
so hang in there, and know your are so not alone!

[Thinkimjob]

I had a cerebral aneurysm burst five years ago - kind of a bleeding stroke.
I was at Sydney airport, didn't have any idea what was happening, got on a plane (!), and spent three days in a country hospital before someone decided I needed a cat scan. Ten days in intensive care, a month in hospital.
So I suppose I'm lucky to be alive. (Although sometimes you do have to wonder.)
I knew I had MS before the brain thing. It must have been a terrible experience for you to find out after.
You're right about grieving for the person you were, and the life you had. It doesn't ever go away, but it gets so you can live with it.
You're still you.