Now my heart is breaking too

[shellos8]

I have an almost 8 year old son and a 19 year old son. I just sat my 19 year old down and told him about my MS. He started bawling! I've had quite a lot of problems with this kid for the past year and a half or so and I truly thought he hated me and now he can't stop crying because I'm sick. I was completely shocked by his reaction.

I tried explaining to him that I'm not going to die from this, etc. etc. But he's very upset. The good news is that when we got done he called a friend of his to see if they could go hang out and while on the phone he told his friend about my MS and the friend's mother actually has MS too! She was diagnosed officially 7 years ago and is still walking and working and I think that made him feel a little better.

I'm not going to tell my younger son anything just yet. I want to wait for more information from the neurologist. I just felt my older son needed to know because I'm going to need his help...such as yard work that I simply am physically unable to do right now.

*sigh* This sucks and all I want to do right now is cry my eyes out too. It was heartbreaking to see my tough 19 year old son break down like that

[Lendi]

That's a tough one for sure. Nothing hurts us nearly as much as when our child is hurt. I'd walk through fire to save one of my children and I know you're feeling the same way.

hang in there, though. as your son see's you and how you react he'll feel better. Grief hits not only us for having to go through our journey but our loved ones too. Perhaps, not that I'm saying MS is better, but perhaps your illness will bring you and your son closer together. 19 yr olds go through an awful lot but still they're children.

Wishing you sooo much luck, sooo much happiness and your children as well.

[1_4_Kimberly]

I agree with everything Lendi said.

It's always a tough decision, to tell or not to tell, and who and when. When it's your children it's even harder.

I have a 5 and 7 year old. They both know about my MS because I was up front with them from the beginning. (In terms they understand of course.)

My parents always hid illnesses and lied to us kids, and we always knew. I didn't want my kids to feel that way. We're very open and talk about everything. Not knowing is usually more scary then knowing. I'm sure everything will work out for you, your son and youngest. Good luck to you.

[justacowgirl]

I think that it is wonderful that at 19 yoa your son cares..so many young men would have blown you off.

Be happy that your son has a heart

[gomer]

I agree with Kim!

NOT telling anything is far worse. Kids (even adults) will IMAGINE things are even worse than relaity if NOT told.

Kids KNOW, they sense things are not quite right, more than you might think or even dream. Many of us here know how hard it was for us not knowing WHAT was wrong, for many of us the formal MS Dx was a relief just knowing, it's even harder for kids.

I am diabetic, one time my wife ahd to call an ambulance to revive me. I had cleared a couple steps of snow, cam in sat down and without any Sx or warning, it was lights out for me. That was very scarry for my kids.
One way or another, something will happen and the cover is blown, and its never when you can sit down with them and discuss it calmly with your kids.

They do not need all the details, or a blow by blow. Let each kid set the pace for how much THEY want or are comfortable knowing at their age and maturity.

NOT telling anything is a sign of distrust, telling shows trust and LOVE!

Gomer Dr. of, Been There, Done That

[Justsayyes]

All good advice, just wanted to say that as a mom we hurt when our kids hurt. It's very hard! I support your decision to tell him, and am glad a friend is helping.

My kids were 11 and 16 when I told them. I tried to reassure them, but you know how they really can't get beyond how this affects them at first. That is pretty normal for kids.

[sunshine008]

hi

it's always hard to have "those" types of talks with our kids. Yet i agree the kids will feed off your response to it all, and how you handle it. The good old modeling behavior thing lol. yet i think it's also ok for them to see you upset, be human etc.

it's nice to know our kids do care, we often think our jobs are not recognized by them and even the most awful kid and trust me i have an 18 year old who currently has misplaced her brain cares also.

i told my kids, i had to. they have known fora long time something was up and i had to take my youngest w/me to the neuro appt. she is far too smart to pull the wool over her eyes.

i just said it's not big deal, i'll be fine. things may or may not get a bit harder as time goes by yet that's ok we'll handle it together as a family yet i'll be around for the next forever to hassle you!


hang in there

((hugs))

[Justsayyes]

I just wanted to add that contrary to what I expected, the younger child took it better than the older one. Telling him in an upfront positive way worked well. I basically told him what I had, that I had to have medication, and that things were going to be OK.

[Deer In Headlights]

To Tell or Not To Tell

It's ok to tell them. They know that something isn't right and they are not sure about what it is. When my daughter found out 1 1/2 years ago, it was from her cousin in class at school. I still am ticked off at myself for not telling my daughter before other family members.
Wish you well

[Golden_Mommy]

There are so few things as hard as seeing our kids struggle, but I agree with the others that your son must really have a tender heart to have reacted the way he did. It is scary for kids to think about their parents having life-altering diseases.

I'm new here, but so glad to be meeting you all!

Erika

[Toomnyhats]

Yes, the glass is half full!

shellos8, in a very warped way this may actually be a good thing for your children.

I'll explain my crazed reasoning:
19yo - at this age we all think the world revolves around us and we (& our parents) are invincible. Your son just got a reality check. I agree it's good the friend's mother has the same dx , he'll have that friend to help him process & understand.

8yo - my dh always says children who grow up w a h/c parent/sibling are more compassionate & caring. Even if you have a mild course, he'll see you on your "bad" days and learn how to help you.

All that being said, I wouldn't wish this MonSter on my worst enemy for any reason.

[cosake]

Although your son is hurting, it's obvious that he does not in fact hate you -- which is a wonderful thing. You may have some work to do with this relationship, but it may turn out that this was a blessing in disguise.

With regards to your youngest, I agree with the other posters that you should tell him - soon. I waited until about 4 weeks after my initial neuro appt; once we had bloodwork and MRIs and things all back and could confirm what was happening. So I do understand you waiting for now. Kids pick up on your vibes more than you think. Be honest and upfront with him. I told my boys (age 11 and 14) in a basic explanation without a lot of details. Told them it wasn't fatal and not to believe everything they read on the internet if they looked it up. Told them if they had questions, I would answer them; and if I didn't have the answers, we would find them.

Best wishes.