Traveled to Europe to be Insulted

[KatieAgain]

I have read numerous posts about insensitive crap people say to MSers. My initial thought is blow it off...people are jerks. And honestly, I have never been insulted by anyone except my ex-husband. So I guess I really did not understand until today...and I am so sad and feel so defeated. And I need to calm my butt down or I am going to flare.

A bunch of us hired a professional tour guide from the States who came with us. First vacation since 2008. I have spent the last three days on my feet for at least 6 hours each day...non-stop. And we are having an unexpected heat wave. I drank the first glass of wine I have had in 15 years last night!

I have lasted better than most of the other gals in spite of my MS. Everyone knows I have MS and there is a younger gal on the trip who has had MS for a couple of years, so I am trying to be a role model.

The tour guide points to my Walking Stick today and says, "Do you really need that?" I looked at her completely flabbergasted. I swear she was ashamed of me. My gut told me to knock her #%+ out! With the adrenaline pumping through me, she was not going to need to go to The Vatican to see Angels.

Well, luckily my head and not my gut prevailed. I just told her yes I do or I would have been lying on the ground within the first 30 minutes. What really kills me is no one else said anything. No one...

I am embarrassed more than anything. We have had people on here talk about not wanting to use assistive devices. Now I know why. And I am humiliated.

I don't want to embarrass anyone else, so tomorrow I am going to tell everyone at breakfast that I am doing the rest of the week alone. I have been here before so I know my way around.

I have said it before and I will say it again...MS is a journey for one.

Sorry for the rant...I just want to go home back to Katieville where it is safe. No more vacations for me.

[Windwalker]

I don't want to embarrass anyone else, so tomorrow I am going to tell everyone at breakfast that I am doing the rest of the week alone. I have been here before so I know my way around.

Don't do that.

What an incredibly ignorant thing to say...(tour guide).
Maybe ask her why she asked such a question...to start a dialogue on what an insensitive comment it appears to be.

[poppydarling]

Hey, it's pretty brave to take on a European vacation, and I feel 100% sure you deserve every minute of it! Hope you're having fun, seeing cool things and enjoying delicious food despite the ignorance that surrounds you :-)

Was the tour guide advised that some people on the trip had special needs/mobility issues? If so, shame on her. If not, her compassion button seems to be broken in any case.

If it makes you feel any better, a friend of mine (who I've known for more than 35 years) once asked "Do you really need that?" when I met him at his car in my portable scooter to go out one night. I think he found it annoying to have to help me break it down, despite being fit and able bodied. I wanted to say Yeah, I need it like you need your legs — and if you think this is annoying, try having MS.

But I didn't. I just don't go out with him much anymore — it's useless to try to explain to people like that.

I think the choice you're making is valid. I also think it's valid to not allow her to ruin your fun, and require her to make accommodations for you, which are your right by law -- or "educate" as the more positive among us would refer to it :-))

[hunterd]

that was incredibly insensitive! I think I would have said something like, yes I need that, if for nothing else I can smack stupid people like yourself with it! LOL ( I am only kidding, I would probably have done what you are doing)
don't give up on your vacation, it would be a shame to retreat and lick your wounds. Use this as an opportunity to help educate others.
I would take a moment and approach the tour guide and let them know how insensitive that comment was, and possibly it can turn into an educational experience for them.

[pennstater]

Katie,

Sorry...how insensitive. If you enjoy the company of others on the tiyr, don't let the guide ruin your time. Maybe since it was a walking stick instead of a cane, she didn't get the need. Regardless, it was an incredibly horrible question to ask. Any chance it was asked because one of the destinations includes rough terrain? Trying to understand why someone would ask...

Hope you do have a great time.

[MSW1963]

KatieAgain, we may need to grown thicker skin with this disease to tollerate the stupid comments people have the audacity to say to someone who is a complete stranger.

I posted earlier this week about a convenience store manager who I've seen a couple of times a week for the past 7yrs. He's made inappropriate comments in the past, but I considered the source and let it go. He's not the brightest individual.

That was until last week when he mimicked/imitated my 'stooped posture and shuffeled gait'. That was that. Initially I was humilated, five seconds latter I was furious at the repulsive, foolish dimwitt.

I hope you enjoy your trip with friends who's company you enjoy.

[Nicoly3467]

Hi KatieAgain,

Sorry to hear about that very rude comment from the tour guide. I can't believe it, but please don't let that stop you from using your walking stick. You keep on trekking with it and sounds like it helps you greatly. Good for you doing the Europe trip! That is admirable.

I can walk but generally not too far because I run out of strength in my legs. So sometimes I use my "cool" 3 wheeler mobility scooter to take the dog out for a run or I just go for a ride in the neighborhood.

I decided to not care what people think about my scooter and me riding it, but as long as it helps me that is what matters most. Thankfully so far, I have received nice comments from people and hope it continues. But if someone ever has a rude comment, I will be prepared to say back, "why does it bother you?" Or do you have a problem with that?

[Cat Mom]

Wow! How ignorant! Not sure which country you're in but 6 years ago my "BFF" went back to the Czech Republic for the first time in 40 years and was shocked to learn that they "hide their disabled" in institutions. There's no such thing as a handicapped parking spot or automatic doors for people who need them.

At one point she spotted a few obviously blind people walking down the street but quickly learned they were out for their walk... from the institution and back to it.

I'm shocked and saddened, especially hearing that your guide was from the US. We can all understand cultural differences but this was unacceptable. A huge letter of complaint should go to their employer. In the meantime, please try not to let this taint a wonderful, and MUCH DESERVED vacation.

Jen

[KatieAgain]

Thanks to everyone. Tysabri has enabled me to take this trip and I am trying to suck as much out of life as I can, because once I go off this drug I will most likely revert back to what I was...not good...not good at all.

The Tour Guide is very much aware of my MS. She is also aware that the second gal with a walking stick has Lymes Disease and one that uses a cane because of a bad knee. She is not aware of the young lady that has recently been diagnosed with MS. I am the only one aware of her condition and we have kept her MS a secret because she is not ready to talk to others about it...we have all been there.

I find it amazing that I was the only one singled out. And I am still not certain why no one else said anything yesterday. I am seriously questioning that. I do know someone said something to her today. However, yesterday's experience made me give pause...my "People Picker" might be broken. That's something I will have to address once I get home.

I had an extraordinary day today...by myself though. I hunted down Rome's best Gelato and had two scoops, followed by four French Macarones, followed by an Italian Panini. No MS Diet on vacation...just about as unhealthy as you can get. Followed by a two hour nap in the cool hotel then I toured a couple of the local churches. Although I am not Catholic...I felt an overwhelming necessity to light a candle for our Servicemen and Servicewomen...who are experiencing many more worries than I am today.

BTW...a young man on the Metro gave up his seat for me. I said thankyou to him in every language I know. Melted my heart....I think MS has made me a wuss.

I will be rejoining the Tour Group tomorrow...with my Walking Stick. I don't need broken bones. A friend of mine and I are staying an extra day.

MSW-Your story seriously trumps mine. If someone mimicked the way I walked...for me it would be worth a night in jail and a $500 fine. Additionally, if I was present and I saw someone mimicking you I would definitely be spending a night in jail. I'm not sure that makes me a very nice person, but making fun of people because of a disability is mid-evil. I am sorry you have been put through that.

Again thank you all for you thoughts, wisdom and wishes. Y'all really helped!

[Tawanda]

"How Being Right with God Looks"

Hi Katie,

Have you read this "trending" post on here today, "How Being Right with God Looks"? Maybe MS isn't a journey for one after all...at least here at MSW! Sounds like a lot of us are getting kicked to the curb by insensitive clods lately!

Personally I have had more vacation disasters than there is room on the Internet to post. My old boss's friend went on a trip to England and died! Ever since I heard this story, I go on trips with a healthy dose of skepticism. That way I am happily suprised when something actually goes RIGHT (I also have a long history of trips that have been more like Chevy Chase's "Vacation" than the nauseatingly perfect kind depicted on those "Sandals" commercials.).

You have been looking forward to this vacation for a long time. I hope it is still salvageable. Chin up Katie! We are rooting for you!

[Tawanda]

Wow! How ignorant! Not sure which country you're in but 6 years ago my "BFF" went back to the Czech Republic for the first time in 40 years and was shocked to learn that they "hide their disabled" in institutions. There's no such thing as a handicapped parking spot or automatic doors for people who need them.

At one point she spotted a few obviously blind people walking down the street but quickly learned they were out for their walk... from the institution and back to it.

I'm shocked and saddened, especially hearing that your guide was from the US. We can all understand cultural differences but this was unacceptable. A huge letter of complaint should go to their employer. In the meantime, please try not to let this taint a wonderful, and MUCH DESERVED vacation.

Jen

I realize that young and healthy is the universal ideal, but your post shocked actually shocked me. Perhaps I am being naive to think things are that much better here....

[REG53]

Hello KatieAgain,

When I read you post I could not believe how insensitive someone could be. I am so sorry.

I am glad you had a good day today and you are enjoying yourself and I hope you have many more vacations.

[Tia1]

KatieAgain, I am so sorry that this happened to you.

I wonder if you were pushing yourself so hard being a role model that you played the role of able-bodied so well, that the tour guide really didn't see a need for the walking stick.

That doesn't take away stupid, but maybe, you were enjoying your trip so much, your military discipline is surely evident and your desire to make the most of this time allowed these careless words to happen.

As far as your friends, it takes us civilians time to formulate our thoughts, since no one was endangered, it sounds about right that it would take them a moment to figure out what to do/say, etc. I'm sure they didn't want to make it worse.

Forgive them and please, please, enjoy your fabulous trip. Next time…..take me with you.

[MSW1963]

KatieAgain, there is no 'can you top this' insult compition, and I know you know that. I'm just sorry that after all you've been through in the past year?+, that your European vacation was marked by an insensitive comment, one that resulted in you altering your itiniary. But then again some solitude can be healing.

I hope you rejoin your group of friends and enjoy the remainder of your vaca adventure.

[Dale76]

I have read numerous posts about insensitive crap people say to MSers. My initial thought is blow it off...people are jerks. And honestly, I have never been insulted by anyone except my ex-husband. So I guess I really did not understand until today...and I am so sad and feel so defeated. And I need to calm my butt down or I am going to flare.

A bunch of us hired a professional tour guide from the States who came with us. First vacation since 2008. I have spent the last three days on my feet for at least 6 hours each day...non-stop. And we are having an unexpected heat wave. I drank the first glass of wine I have had in 15 years last night!

I have lasted better than most of the other gals in spite of my MS. Everyone knows I have MS and there is a younger gal on the trip who has had MS for a couple of years, so I am trying to be a role model.

The tour guide points to my Walking Stick today and says, "Do you really need that?" I looked at her completely flabbergasted. I swear she was ashamed of me. My gut told me to knock her #%+ out! With the adrenaline pumping through me, she was not going to need to go to The Vatican to see Angels.

Well, luckily my head and not my gut prevailed. I just told her yes I do or I would have been lying on the ground within the first 30 minutes. What really kills me is no one else said anything. No one...

I am embarrassed more than anything. We have had people on here talk about not wanting to use assistive devices. Now I know why. And I am humiliated.

I don't want to embarrass anyone else, so tomorrow I am going to tell everyone at breakfast that I am doing the rest of the week alone. I have been here before so I know my way around.

I have said it before and I will say it again...MS is a journey for one.

Sorry for the rant...I just want to go home back to Katieville where it is safe. No more vacations for me.

That's when you calmly reply: No I really don't need it but it sure comes in handy when someone asks me a stupid question!

Anyways there are plenty of jerks around the world and they don't require a good reason to act like a jerk, that is just who THEY are and nothing to do with you. Please forget this person and hold your head high, they are the one who should be ashamed not you!