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    Falling apart.

    Yesterday, afternoon, I was called to my bosses office and told I was not allowed to do part of my job and may need to move to another department. I work for a large hospital and have been in the same position for almost 15 years. I am fearful that I will not be able to have the same hours or learn a new job. My case had already been sent to human resources. My boss had no choice but to tell me. She will be speaking to HR on Monday. She wants to keep me within my department, but doesn't know if she can. I am not being fired. I'm sure they are being careful not to break Any ADA laws.

    This came out of nowhere. I am embarrassed because I thought I was doing a good job. Based on my cognitive issues (MS related), I am told I work too slowly. I am not a nurse and do not work directly with patients, so there was no danger in that respect.

    This morning, I reached out to my coworkers. Only one person responded. I gave my boss permission to tell them this is related to my disease. I did not want anyone to think this was because of laziness or lack of trying . I I feel terrified and alone. My husband is very supportive. I have a few good friends. But I loved my job.

    I have taken a few days off. Today has been filled with sadness, anger, and full on panic attacks. I will be messaging my therapist so she will know what is going on. I have appointments for a swallow study and a new MRI. I am no where near qualifying for disability. Thanks for reading.

    #2
    Sorry to hear kittysmith. I am glad you reached out to your therapist and that your husband is supportive.

    It does seem a little strange to me that your boss didn't give you a warning that your performance had declined and if it couldn't improve, a job change may be needed. That said, at least they are trying to work with you.

    Losing a job you like is painful. I still feel it. But who knows, it could wind up being a great move, something you learn to like and can be more successful at, and in turn, might help with fatigue and daily life.

    As for your coworkers, sometimes they can be short sighted. Maybe they feel they need to pick up some of your work and are resentful. Or maybe they feel you get special treatment. I had a little of that too. Or maybe they were just swamped.

    Hang in there. Since you have a few days off, maybe do some things that you enjoy and treat yourself to some pampering. Nails, massage, curl up with favorite book and tea or feel good movies, music, journal, color, knit, meditate, whatever helps you relax and gives your mind a chance to stop thinking about work.
    Kathy
    DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

    Comment


      #3
      Hi kittysmith,

      Sorry to learn about your job. That's a lot to take in, especially when not expecting it. I would have expected a warning first, too. You've certainly had some rough days lately!

      Don't know about your coworkers, but in the end their concern is about their own job. Maybe some are hesitant to reach out because of their own fears. Who knows. Try not to take it too personal.

      I'm glad you reached out to your therapist. Also that you have appointments for your MRI and a swallow study.

      I hope you can find some ways to relax right now. I hope this will lead to a job that's better for you.

      Best wishes
      Kimba

      “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ― Max Planck

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        #4
        I feel really bad for you! It seems to me that when bad things happen it can be relentless. First worse symptoms then the job issue. I hope everything works out for you.

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          #5
          Did you speak to anyone about

          Working from home? My daughter is COO with an insurance company and she tells me that is very common
          in the workplace, at all levels.You could ask them to give it a trial and if your production exceeds what you produce in the office they could make it permanent. If they won’t go all in on the idea suggest two days a week at home and really shine on those days.

          Be strong in the office. Everybody admires strength and they will come around. Good luck.

          Comment


            #6
            Hi Kittysmith.

            I'm sorry this happened to you. But don't assume it's all about you or your ms.

            The health care system is all about doing everything as cheaply and quickly as possible.
            My sister who is a doctor who doesn't have ms ran up against that. She was always being pushed to do things faster. All her patients and colleagues loved her but she refused to rush.
            Everyone's under pressure to do things faster!

            Hope they find a better fit for you.

            Comment


              #7
              I'm sorry, too, that you're receiving news at work that is difficult to hear. Sometimes, next to the sadness and the worry, might be changes that, in the long run, will reduce stress for you and make life more manageable. I'm hopeful that the good will follow the bad.
              ~ Faith
              MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
              (now a Mimibug)

              Symptoms began in JAN02
              - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
              - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
              .

              - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
              - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

              Comment


                #8
                So thankful for each of you.

                The last several days have been horrible. My stomach is in knots. I can't stop crying. Horrible anxiety and panic attacks. I was told, by my boss, that she'd get back to me today. Well, it's 5pm and I've heard nothing.

                This morning, I called Employee and Labor Relations. I was told HR could escalate a situation even without my knowledge. He gave me the name and email of our HR representative. He suggested I contact her to discuss my case. If I've learned anything from working for a large company, it's that HR is not your friend.

                The other suggestion was to have some new reasonable accommodations added to what I already have in place. I am filling out this paperwork tonight. My MS doctor has always been helpful and open to making sure I am treated fairly. I'm sure he will be agreeable to what I feel is necessary.

                At 1st, all I wanted was to go back to my job. Now, I am rethinking this decision. The reason I have stayed for the past 15 years is because I only work 3 twelve hour shifts a week. I like having several days off in a row. I am not a medical professional, so there aren't many other positions where I can work those hours.

                I may pursue the possibility of going on disability. Because I can still walk and take care of myself I didn't think I would qualify. However, my eyesight has diminished, my fatigue is more prominent, my balance is bad, and my memory is not what it used to be. I have my MRI tomorrow night. If I have more lesions or any other major changes, I believe disability may be my best option.

                As one of you pointed out, all they do in the healthcare field is push you to work harder and faster while not offering any compensation. This is definitely true for my job. We, as a group, were recently given statistics showing that were not working quickly enough. I am proud of the work I have done and will always be thankful for the skills and knowledge I have acquired. But how much is too much?When is enough enough?

                I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions about disability. Thank you all for your input and concern. It is truly appreciated.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hi kittysmith~ I, too, am sorry this is happening to you

                  About your thoughts of going on disability... I've been hearing that it's becoming more difficult to get approved, but is possible. Especially if you have an attorney who specializes in Disability to help you through this process and have a Dr. who is willing to help document. (which sounds like you have)

                  I've been on disability and met retirement age years ago, so maybe someone who has recently been through this process may be able to give you recommendations will come along. Things may have changed since my time.?

                  In the meantime, this is a summary that may be helpful - https://www.disability-benefits-help...ity-disability

                  In the meantime, good luck to you and let us know how your MRI report turns out and what HR has to say.
                  Take care
                  1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
                  Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Thank you

                    Originally posted by Seasha View Post
                    Hi kittysmith~ I, too, am sorry this is happening to you

                    About your thoughts of going on disability... I've been hearing that it's becoming more difficult to get approved, but is possible. Especially if you have an attorney who specializes in Disability to help you through this process and have a Dr. who is willing to help document. (which sounds like you have)

                    I've been on disability and met retirement age years ago, so maybe someone who has recently been through this process may be able to give you recommendations will come along. Things may have changed since my time.?

                    In the meantime, this is a summary that may be helpful - https://www.disability-benefits-help...ity-disability

                    In the meantime, good luck to you and let us know how your MRI report turns out and what HR has to say.
                    Take care
                    Thank you, Seasha for this information. Not surprised to hear it's more difficult to be on disability. I'll update my MRI results as soon as I can. I just want to be able to live my life with less stress than I am under now.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      kittysmith - I worried the same when filing for disability since I walked fine and had invisible symptoms. You could always consult with an attorney to see if they think you have a decent case. If you do, make sure a true SSDI attorney. They only get paid if you file and win.

                      A few thoughts.
                      1. I know you like the 3 12 hours, but is it possible the long shifts are part of the issue and contributing to the perceived slower pace? If you worked 5 8s, is it possible you may not experience the same trouble?
                      2. Have you had neuropsychs tests? I had them a few times and the results were used to support a vicious cycle of cognitive and physical fatigue. If cognitive function is part of your disability filing, you may want to ask your neuro about testing if you haven't yet.
                      3. Have you reviewed your medical file? You may want to look at the records and make sure they reflect correctly.
                      4. Aside from qualifying based on the MS criteria, depression and anxiety can also support it.


                      I know how you are feeling. The few weeks trying to figure out what I should do were the most anxious and tear filled. It will get better, whichever way you decide to go. Once I made a decision, it did get better. But while deciding, such a rollercoaster of emotions. Hope you were able to talk to your therapist.
                      Kathy
                      DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Update

                        I texted my manager a few minutes ago. I told her I would be updating my reasonable accommodations to ensure the ADA requirements were being followed. I asked if my coworkers were aware of why I had taken a few days off. They all know I have MS. I had given my manager permission to tell them. I didn't want them to think I had been reprimanded or fired. I just received word that they are aware and to show up for my regular shift tomorrow.

                        I will be writing down exactly why I am not responsible for what I was accused of. When and if I have to meet with HR, I want to be prepared. I am confident I can defend myself. I still have a knot in my stomach. I have had to worry about my job and my health which is not a good combination. I have my MRI tonight.

                        Thank you all for your help, suggestions, and kind words. I will keep you in the loop.

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