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My life feels like I’m on a tightrope

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    My life feels like I’m on a tightrope

    Ok I just looking to vent a little, I’ve been doing ok but I get these moods of mine and get down and worried a few so often.

    coming on 2 years since dx and pretty much sx free the whole time, my neuro said so himself he’s not worried about me. That’s a huge positive for me. But other things in my life have me concerned, I had a house and a girlfriend for most of my 30’s and now single 38, have little money and zero savings, investments and feel like I failed in a lot of areas regarding finances. I have never been married, no kids, but have a job thankfully (a hard physical job) furthering my education this winter in an interesting field (corrections) but feel like I can’t get any traction,

    I just got accepted into a consolidation loan program to txke care of $27,800 worth of credit card debt for 4 years, and as long as I’m employed I can keep my head well above water and try to start saving. I’m just so uncertain about a lot. But I. See this as s huge chance to work on myself and kickstart my new life.

    Hopefully it all works out I just have a feeling that I could do better but I’m trying,I need to have laser focus and live in the moment. Life is not perfect but I jus listed a few huge positives but I still felt scared s little, it’s a very fragile situation I feel right now. I’m searching for stability right now I’m barely making it hold together with this very demanding job of mine, it is good exercise tho. 34,000 steps in a day is a lot!!!

    anyways there’s my rant..
    min trying but it’s hard.

    ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

    #2
    Sober

    Ill add to this that I’m 35 days sober today which I’m proud of,
    Originally posted by Ant1981 View Post
    Ok I just looking to vent a little, I’ve been doing ok but I get these moods of mine and get down and worried a few so often.

    coming on 2 years since dx and pretty much sx free the whole time, my neuro said so himself he’s not worried about me. That’s a huge positive for me. But other things in my life have me concerned, I had a house and a girlfriend for most of my 30’s and now single 38, have little money and zero savings, investments and feel like I failed in a lot of areas regarding finances. I have never been married, no kids, but have a job thankfully (a hard physical job) furthering my education this winter in an interesting field (corrections) but feel like I can’t get any traction,

    I just got accepted into a consolidation loan program to txke care of $27,800 worth of credit card debt for 4 years, and as long as I’m employed I can keep my head well above water and try to start saving. I’m just so uncertain about a lot. But I. See this as s huge chance to work on myself and kickstart my new life.

    Hopefully it all works out I just have a feeling that I could do better but I’m trying,I need to have laser focus and live in the moment. Life is not perfect but I jus listed a few huge positives but I still felt scared s little, it’s a very fragile situation I feel right now. I’m searching for stability right now I’m barely making it hold together with this very demanding job of mine, it is good exercise tho. 34,000 steps in a day is a lot!!!

    anyways there’s my rant..
    min trying but it’s hard.

    ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by Ant1981 View Post
      Ill add to this that I’m 35 days sober today which I’m proud of,
      Ant, that's terrific!

      One day at a time!

      Take Care
      PPMS for 26 years (dx 1998)
      ~ Worrying will not take away tomorrow's troubles ~ But it will take away today's peace. ~

      Comment


        #4
        You recognize the areas you need to get better at and that's great. You have made plans and are making changes for the better. That's great to hear.

        If you are anything like me, the biggest battle you'll fight will be against yourself. Keep your long term goals in mind when fighting those short term urges.

        Keep us updated.
        The future depends on what you do today.- Gandhi

        Comment


          #5
          This is such a great place to vent and share your fears, Ant.

          One day at a time, and one foot in front of the other. Keep on moving forward through those stumbling blocks we all get from time to time and keep up that laser focused fight

          I'm so proud of you!
          1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
          Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

          Comment


            #6
            You're taking a lot of positive steps -- finances, debt consolidation, education, etc.

            Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. When you break your goals into small steps, they become manageable and easier for us to deal with and confront our fears.

            Sometimes, it also helps to do something positive for someone else -- either volunteer somewhere, or just a simple RAK (random act of kindness). It can help us to focus on something bigger than, or different than, our own challenges.

            But, take care of yourself first. Other times, we have nothing left to give so our energies need to be spent keeping our own heads above water.
            ~ Faith
            MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
            (now a Mimibug)

            Symptoms began in JAN02
            - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
            - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
            .

            - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
            - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

            Comment


              #7
              Hey Ant - congrats on the 35 days. That is huge and a big step that will help you with all your other goals.

              34,000 steps a day at work is incredible. You have to be in great shape to manage that!

              As others said, taking one day at a time when struggling is the best approach. If you can break your goals into smaller steps, that helps. Once you consolidate your debt, if you put together a realistic savings plan, you can celebrate each goal you hit. Start small, but being able to have small success sets you up to continue having success. Before you know it, you will hit some of the big goals.

              If I remember right, you work out. Just like you set short and long term goals there, you can with other things in life. They can change over time,so you need to revisit. But those small short term goals are what really help.

              You have lots to be proud of. We all struggle at times with life and with MS as part of it. I am glad you come here to share.
              Kathy
              DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

              Comment


                #8
                Congrats on your sobriety and taking positive steps forward! Life isn't easy; life isn't perfect. MS simply throws a monkey wrench into the mix. IMHO, stay on your DMT, focus on your nutrition, relaxation (esp. sleep), and exercise as you are able.

                Optimism: Every obstacle is a stepping stone to your success! Remember: The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step!

                You got this!

                Best,
                Donna
                Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's learning to dance in the rain!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Thank you

                  I appreciate all the responses, I just realize that it’s gonna take me a lot of grit, resilience and tenacity to get outta this one.

                  I like to list my positives since dx

                  -finally got a job since April this year, it’s hard but I regained an income.
                  -have a nice new car and older truck still.
                  -obtained a consolidation Loan to get after my credit card debt
                  -entering corrections officer schooling in 2020 Jan 07.. very excited
                  -MS is stable and I’m very healthy an in good physical shape
                  -sober for 36 days now 💪
                  -feeling optimistic about my direction.
                  i think I’ll be ok but I come here to vent it does overwhelm me wat I need to do now.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    You are a winner! I really mean it. You are doing everything anyone could possibly do and more. It is not the MS that is holding you back. I have met many Americans in your situation. I hope it is a comfort to know you are not alone.

                    Also, don’t be hard on yourself. Many people who have become sober and have no desire to ever drink or use again experience sad feelings.

                    One of my helpers revealed to me that he was clean and sober for 3 year. He was 23. His girlfriend had just gone and he was lost. He was the kindest most selfless guy you could ever meet. But he was so sad. He just couldn’t believe this girl had just slipped away. He was very attractive, too.

                    He went to truck driving school and was planning to help work on the ski lifts in the spring but he was sad.

                    A lightbulb went off in my head and I knew what I could do to help. I said, “when people go through treatment they constantly pound down the self”. Then, he recited something from the AA scriptures so he definitely knew what I meant. I told him that the elimination of the self is to get off the substance. But you are sober now. Now is the time to be selfish. Sometimes you have to be too selfish for awhile until your reach a balance between yourself and others.

                    Well he did and the next time I saw him he was a different man. It was wonderful to see. He kept saying, “you helped me so much!”

                    He just got married last weekend to a beautiful girl, bought a house and is working hard. We have become lifelong friends.

                    I am telling you this story just in case you can relate. Best of luck!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Hi Ant.

                      The thread I wrote to you before is something I would like you to print and put in your blue book for three years.

                      When I read you were sober I immediately thought about my friend. I’m sorry I missed one detail. You said you have 35 days. That is still a very short time, not to minimize the accomplishment.

                      I hope you have really strong support in your recovery. MS is something we can’t do much about, this is something we have a choice about. That seems pretty awesome to me. You are traveling a hard road but you are doing it.

                      After you have walked this road for three years, take the paper out a read it.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        42 days sober

                        That’s a very inspiring story,thank you.

                        with newfound sobriety I am learning to play guitar, canoe +fish, and learning more about myself more than ever before, sobriety opened a whole new world for me. And it’s only a matter of time before I find someone too and finish school to be in corrections and have a fulfilling career and life. Still got lots of hard work, patience and determination to do.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          ANT

                          YOU ARE JUST UPSIDE DOWN ON PAYMENTS.IT'S OK. WE ALL GET TO THAT POINT. UST STOP USING CREDIT AND DO DEBIT. CALL DEBTORS AND REQUEST LOWER PYMTS. SAY YOU WILL GO UP WHEN POSSIBLE. IT WILL WORK OUT OK, TRUST THE PROGRAM DUDE. THE UNIVERSE IS ON YOUR SIDE.

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