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Terrified of losing my spouse

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    Terrified of losing my spouse

    My husband and I have been married almost 22 years. He's a wonderful father and provider. He never complains. He cooks, cleans, and goes to the grocery store, not to mention he's just a very kind person. Not only do I have RRMS, we also have a child on the ASD spectrum who requires some extra care which we both provide (our son is high functioning, but not able to take care of himself adequately yet). I am so afraid something will happen to my husband. I could never take care of myself and my child without him. I worry constantly, every time he walks out the door that he will never come back. I know it's irrational, but I just can't stop worrying.

    #2
    Originally posted by kittysmith View Post
    My husband and I have been married almost 22 years. He's a wonderful father and provider. He never complains. He cooks, cleans, and goes to the grocery store, not to mention he's just a very kind person. Not only do I have RRMS, we also have a child on the ASD spectrum who requires some extra care which we both provide (our son is high functioning, but not able to take care of himself adequately yet). I am so afraid something will happen to my husband. I could never take care of myself and my child without him. I worry constantly, every time he walks out the door that he will never come back. I know it's irrational, but I just can't stop worrying.
    Hi kittysmith

    Your state most likely has a Human Services/Social Services Department that would help with providing available options, for any assistance that you would need.

    Why not explore their websites, as it might help alleviate at least some of your worry.

    Take Care
    PPMS for 26 years (dx 1998)
    ~ Worrying will not take away tomorrow's troubles ~ But it will take away today's peace. ~

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      #3
      Thanks

      Thank you, Koko. I hope I never need those resources. I feel kinda stupid for this post. It just makes me sound needy.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by kittysmith View Post
        Thank you, Koko. I hope I never need those resources. I feel kinda stupid for this post. It just makes me sound needy.
        kittysmith

        Absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your feelings here, including worries and fears.

        I sometimes ponder what I would do if my care helper (my sister) wasn't able to help me anymore.

        And the solution is: I would have to get someone else to help me.

        Life would still go on.

        Take Care
        PPMS for 26 years (dx 1998)
        ~ Worrying will not take away tomorrow's troubles ~ But it will take away today's peace. ~

        Comment


          #5
          Koko

          Thanks for making me feel like this question is not totally out of line. I am a professional worrier. I wish it paid better. Lol.

          Comment


            #6
            Absolutely not out of line here! I sometimes worry about the same thing and you are not alone.

            When dh and i were younger, I had to worry if he found someone who was healthier than I was and leave me for a more-abled young woman.

            Now, in old age, I worry that he won't outlive me and I will be on my own. Very valid concerns, which I try to keep in the far recesses of my brain. I try the practice of "just stay in today" in my focus. But, it does creep up from time to time.
            1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
            Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

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              #7
              Hi Kittysmith,

              A lot of things get taken out of our control when dealing with ms.

              This can make us fearful and very dependent on others for more than just physical needs.

              Has your husband ever indicated that he may not be happy?

              Comment


                #8
                You are so kind

                Originally posted by Seasha View Post
                Absolutely not out of line here! I sometimes worry about the same thing and you are not alone.

                When dh and i were younger, I had to worry if he found someone who was healthier than I was and leave me for a more-abled young woman.

                Now, in old age, I worry that he won't outlive me and I will be on my own. Very valid concerns, which I try to keep in the far recesses of my brain. I try the practice of "just stay in today" in my focus. But, it does creep up from time to time.

                I just turned 50 this year. I think a lot of worrying just comes with getting old. We lost my MIL last May. I was surprised with how badly it affected my FIL. I understood the sadness, but he began having panic attacks (just as my mom did when my dad died). He ended up in an inpatient psych ward (his choice). It was so hard to see him so distraught and anxious. I have suffered from depression and panic attacks since I was a child. I have a bad habit of catastrphic thinking.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Dear kittysmith,
                  I have the same worries as you do. My dear husband had heart surgery (successful, praise the Lord) last summer, and it brought to the fore all my anxieties. I do not know whether I have the strength to confront all the sadness and change losing him would involve. I am dependent on him and the help he provides me in so many ways.

                  But I refuse to despair. I have faced many challenges before, and I am still here. I concentrate on gratitude for what I have now. I try not to awfullize about the "what ifs" of tomorrow. Somehow, there will be resources to provide for whatever comes.

                  Thank you for sharing. Do not be silenced or silence yourself.

                  Stay lifted,
                  Mermaid Susan
                  "Life is short, and we have but little time to gladden the hearts of those who travel with us; so let us be swift to love, and make haste to be kind."
-Henri Amiel

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Thankfully, no

                    Originally posted by Carolinemf View Post
                    Hi Kittysmith,

                    A lot of things get taken out of our control when dealing with ms.

                    This can make us fearful and very dependent on others for more than just physical needs.
                    Has your husband ever indicated that he may not be happy?
                    He has reminded me over and over that he will always be there for us. We've been together almost 24 years and married for 22. He takes our marriage, and, more importantly, our friendship very seriously. It's just how my brain works.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I try to stay positive.

                      Originally posted by MermaidOP View Post
                      Dear kittysmith,
                      I have the same worries as you do. My dear husband had heart surgery (successful, praise the Lord) last summer, and it brought to the fore all my anxieties. I do not know whether I have the strength to confront all the sadness and change losing him would involve. I am dependent on him and the help he provides me in so many ways.

                      But I refuse to despair. I have faced many challenges before, and I am still here. I concentrate on gratitude for what I have now. I try not to awfullize about the "what ifs" of tomorrow. Somehow, there will be resources to provide for whatever comes.

                      Thank you for sharing. Do not be silenced or silence yourself.

                      Stay lifted,
                      Mermaid Susan
                      Thank you for your post. My husband has had 2 collapsed lungs (pneumothorax), 2 hernia surgeries, and by far the most difficult, had a tumor removed from his lung. He's doing great. I seem to be the one with all the health concerns. I just love him so much. I am lucky to have married such an amazing man. I am truly blessed with a wonderful husband and child.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I understand, I'm 58. Married 32 years to a wonderful woman. Nothing could replace her or deal with the emotional devastation of a loss. One thing though: life insurance would help with care-giving.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I don't know if there is any way to wipe away our fears and worries. It sounds like you have a solid marriage and a great family.

                          No matter what you hear, we are not really in control. I tried to cover every little thing in advance so my kids wouldn't have anything to worry about in the event. Sam passed and I was pretty much ready for it. But certainly not entirely. If it had been me who died first.. he never would have handled anything and probably would have died soon after. I think this is OCD thinking.

                          Maybe there is some therapy for you. I'm not sure. Not sending you any certain help here. Life is fragile and we don't know all the answers. Sorry Sister.
                          Marti




                          The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Brad1138 View Post
                            I understand, I'm 58. Married 32 years to a wonderful woman. Nothing could replace her or deal with the emotional devastation of a loss. One thing though: life insurance would help with care-giving.
                            Of course this is a serious topic, but I just had to crack up at your complete frankness. Refreshing.
                            Tawanda
                            ___________________________________________
                            Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

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