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    #16
    Thank you all so much for 'just being there"

    i can see so much careful consideration in your responses.

    Your time and kind thoughts are much appreciated.

    Marti- Sams B'day.Like you said -one day at a time.

    My 'rock' is my husband.
    In a couple of weeks we have our 34th anniversary.
    Hes not perfect - but neither am i-but its simply his nature to put others, especially me before himself, so i hate worrying him.
    What has bothered me a lot of late is that my concern about upsetting him - my main incentive to push through and tough things out- has diminished a lot lately and i have let fly several times in hurtful ways and have avoided doing things(scared of the stress) that would have been of help to him. More and more i feel like a burden.
    I don't even talk to him much anymore because it highlights my memory issues so much . i see the worry on his face.
    The thing is, i resent when he discusses plans/hopes for something 10/15 years in our future.
    his optimism is lovely, But i think i'm lucky to have gotten to 52 and still be in as good a condition as i am. i think it may be too optimistic to think that far ahead.
    It's here and now that's important and has been for me for a long time.
    Where as he is still working his guts out so we can have a nice retirement.
    And i hardly see him because of this.
    He's 4 yrs older and has his own health concerns that he just sets aside as well.

    i'm sure a puppy would be easier to live with.
    At least i would be only getting dragged along by a leash to the end of the block not getting pushed along to the next work day.

    I don't know just can't find 'peace' in anything.

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