Positive attitude

[Myoak]

Life is a terminal disease for everyone.

Looking for joys in the midst of what we must endure lifts our spirits to soar like eagles rising above the tempest below.

Donna, you are so right to be positive. Those who have learned how can make daily a choice... something like choosing an elixir of happiness over a cup of unhappiness.

Others struggle mightily because they are so deeply tormented regarding MS. IMO, it is doubtful whether instruction, learning, or any human device can be very successful in lifting the spirits of those so affected... but love can.

Love can.

Yes, Donna, your life will be happier, you will be healthier, and your friends more numerous. By choosing to be positive you make the world smile and yourself, too!

[marti]

Please, let's not get this started again.

[Jules A]

I'm glad to see this again as I find it interesting and these conversations have inspired me to consider other's views, do some research and reflect. There is no one-size fits all and while there are studies on the positive impact on health with a positive attitude the data isn't unanimous in all scenarios but what I would imagine is those with a positive attitude are more content at least in the present.

There is some mention on the flip side about optimism resulting forced delusions or "illusions of control" which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but not necessarily accurate either and can result in those who aren't optimistic feeling shamed for their grief/depression or be devastating when the outcome isn't what the optimistic person hoped for.

I have also learned that we can be 1/2 full in some areas but 1/2 empty in others. With regard to social situations I'm 1/2 full, perhaps I have deluded myself that most people will like me and include me in their groups which has served me well on a social and professional level. With regard to MS I'm 1/2 empty but with the intention to strategize a way to make that glass more full. I'm motivated to work hard, play hard, save hard due to my perceived precarious future. My pessimism is a way to triage life and makes me comfortable that I'm prepared for the what-ifs, the worst case scenarios. Regardless of my less than hopeful attitude about the long term prognosis of my illness I am thankful for the good years I have had and at peace that I kicked butt in the meantime despite being terrified. Whoa wait does that sound optimistic?

I found this which explains how I feel "Norem is working to understand why some people don’t respond well to positive psychology and respond better to negativity—an attitude she calls “defensive pessimism.” Her studies show that by thinking about everything that could go wrong and processing these negative possibilities, defensive pessimists relieve anxiety and are often able to avoid those pitfalls."

https://www.newsweek.com/2016/09/23/...th-498447.html

Hope everyone is feeling good today! Happy St. Patrick's Day!

[Daisycat]

Others struggle mightily because they are so deeply tormented regarding MS. IMO, it is doubtful whether instruction, learning, or any human device can be very successful in lifting the spirits of those so affected... but love can.

As someone who is deeply tormented because my life is over I can tell you nothing will lift my spirit. Avoidance and denial are the only things that help. People trying to tell me to take medicine or get thready only makes me 100% more depressed. I have accepted I am worthless and I mostly want to make the most of whatever time I have left... but I will stay out of this thread. Just wanted to say love isn't going to do anything to make me feel better about my fate.

[KoKo]

I found this which explains how I feel "Norem is working to understand why some people don’t respond well to positive psychology and respond better to negativity—an attitude she calls “defensive pessimism.” Her studies show that by thinking about everything that could go wrong and processing these negative possibilities, defensive pessimists relieve anxiety and are often able to avoid those pitfalls."

https://www.newsweek.com/2016/09/23/...th-498447.html

Hope everyone is feeling good today! Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Wow ~ I never knew about "defensive pessimism" as being a way that some people successfully use to cope with life.

Thanks for enlightening us Jules!

Take Care

[gargantua]

analogy

I am finding it really hard to be around my friends lately, especially in a big group. Americans (of which I am one) are very into hyperbole and playing our greatest hits. You gotta love us for that, but when there aren't a lot of good things to share, it sure can be a pain. I know I need to see a therapist.

*** I will NEVER stop believing my life is going to get better ***

Even if seeing friends can be like going to the dentist right now, I know I'm doing the right thing.

[Jules A]

Wow ~ I never knew about "defensive pessimism" as being a way that some people successfully use to cope with life.

Thanks for enlightening us Jules!

Take Care

Ha ha I might just be justifying my cynicism but it does make me feel in control. Like- ok this is terrible now what am I going to do about it? Action oriented is how I will positively reframe it.

[Myoak]

Or please stay out of this thread if you do not like it...

Amen to that.

Daisycat, it is okay to feel the way you do. Don't worry about what other people think about the way you feel. It is enough to know people mean well and desire the best for you; that is no mystery, we all wish that for one another.

Daisycat, I congratulate you for pursuing several methods, including diet and exercise for maintaining your health. May I mention another evidence-based method which may help maintain or improve your health?

Optimism produces measurable improvements in immune function as demonstrated by this study:

Optimistic Expectancies and Cell-Mediated Immunity: The Role of Positive Affect

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3933956/

Quote.. “These results provide the first evidence that changes in optimistic expectancies are accompanied by changes in immunity, as well as the first evidence for a mechanism by which this effect occurs.”

Another study helps provide a scientific basis for developing a positive attitude is this one:

Positive emotional style predicts resistance to illness after experimental exposure to rhinovirus or influenza a virus.

CONCLUSIONS:
We replicated the prospective association of PES and colds and PES and biased symptom reporting, extended those results to infection with an influenza virus, and "ruled out" alternative hypotheses. These results indicate that PES may play a more important role in health than previously thought.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17101814

There are other studies along similar lines, such as a 999 person Danish study demonstrating improved cardiovascular function in optimistic people.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15520360

We are all doing the best we can and learning from each other along the way. You are fine just as you are. You are loved just as you are. Any changes made in your life, only you can make. I do not presume to know what is best for you but I can, occasionally anyway, provide a study or two which may assist you in appropriating the best health possible for yourself. You already are doing things to benefit your health and I want to mention anything which may help you do that.

I wish you the best, Daisycat!

[SNOOPY]

JulesA

Really very interesting and thought provoking.

I would imagine is those with a positive attitude are more content at least in the present.

The present is the only thing known. The past is gone and the future is unknown. To live in the past or worry about the future serves no purpose. What is to come is unknown. This life, even with MS will play out differently for each person.

There is some mention on the flip side about optimism resulting forced delusions or "illusions of control"

I can live as positively as possible but I definitely have no illusion of control. There is very little in this life any of us have control over. We can control our actions, reactions, our thoughts, those we associate with, and we can control/set boundaries. My hair is a reminder that there is very little I control

I have more to add but I need time to gather my thoughts

[Jules A]

My hair is a reminder that there is very little I control

This! Lol, true story.

My need for control and ability to be flexible has greatly improved as I age which I love. This morning I literally lol'd when I attempted to adjust the stream on the shower head and got sprayed right in my face with a huge blast of chilly water. Although it got my hair wet which I was trying to avoid I found it funny whereas when I was younger and more intense I would have been irritated.

I thought this was interesting, old but interesting. Maybe some of it is genetics as well as changes our brains go through based on aging, damage etc?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/natio...=.c105ca1e99ed

[Daisycat]

Amen to that.

Daisycat, it is okay to feel the way you do. Don't worry about what other people think about the way you feel. It is enough to know people mean well and desire the best for you; that is no mystery, we all wish that for one another.

Daisycat, I congratulate you for pursuing several methods, including diet and exercise for maintaining your health. May I mention another evidence-based method which may help maintain or improve your health?

Optimism produces measurable improvements in immune function as demonstrated by this study:

Optimistic Expectancies and Cell-Mediated Immunity: The Role of Positive Affect

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3933956/

Quote.. “These results provide the first evidence that changes in optimistic expectancies are accompanied by changes in immunity, as well as the first evidence for a mechanism by which this effect occurs.”

Another study helps provide a scientific basis for developing a positive attitude is this one:

Positive emotional style predicts resistance to illness after experimental exposure to rhinovirus or influenza a virus.

CONCLUSIONS:
We replicated the prospective association of PES and colds and PES and biased symptom reporting, extended those results to infection with an influenza virus, and "ruled out" alternative hypotheses. These results indicate that PES may play a more important role in health than previously thought.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17101814

There are other studies along similar lines, such as a 999 person Danish study demonstrating improved cardiovascular function in optimistic people.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15520360

We are all doing the best we can and learning from each other along the way. You are fine just as you are. You are loved just as you are. Any changes made in your life, only you can make. I do not presume to know what is best for you but I can, occasionally anyway, provide a study or two which may assist you in appropriating the best health possible for yourself. You already are doing things to benefit your health and I want to mention anything which may help you do that.

I wish you the best, Daisycat!

Myoak I know you mean the nest with this but I cannot be positive. When I think about my future and what it involves I feel like such a worthless pathetic loser and it takes everything I have to even get off the couch. Denial is my only chance to be 1% happy ever again.

When I really think about it I do not see the point in anything since my life is going to end in a terrible way and I am going to slowly fall into losing my Independence and becoming one of those people that everyone looks at and points at and feels sorry for.

[SNOOPY]

Her studies show that by thinking about everything that could go wrong and processing these negative possibilities, defensive pessimists relieve anxiety and are often able to avoid those pitfalls."
https://www.newsweek.com/2016/09/23/...th-498447.html

Of course we can think about different scenarios and negative possibilities but that won't change what may or may not happen. Depending on the person it very well could create complete and total negativity, fear, anxiety and not allow processing to take place. In this case the person would be stuck.

I am not a person with rose colored glasses, I have experienced what negativity, fear, and worry can do. I have also come out the other side of that experience with peace, calm, love, true happiness and a greater understanding of it all. I have experienced some very strange things and believe I created some of it due to fear, anxiety and negativity. There is other parts of this that had no other explanation but negative energy/spirits and why I became interested in smudging and crystals.

For those of you that are thinking there is something wrong with me, I assure you there isn't. I have a security system/cameras that picked up "energy" in an enclosed area. There have been smells of perfume in the garage which had not been used in several ours. Myself and two other family members have either "seen" someone or there were scents in certain areas. I have felt cold air when there shouldn't have been.

My life literally change the moment I didn't allow negativity and drama in my life.

So, that is just a small part of my story with negativity vs. positivity. Believe it or not

[MMMMS]

The way I see it X will or won't happen. You can live 2 ways. You can realize that it could happen but it hasn't happened yet, so let's get busy enjoying ourselves. Or you can be sure, regardless of all evidence, that X will *absolutely* happen to you, and since it will, you might as well be just as miserable as you *think* you will be when it does happen. Because -let's be honest here - why wait until X happens to act like a disabled person who also happens to be the most negative, unhappy person who ever had MS when you can get 123,456 responses on messages about how limited your life is before X happens? Credit given for proactivity.

There is one thing, and only one thing, that we can be sure of. Death. We are, without exception, going to die. We all know it. But do we lay on the couch, pretending we're in the casket and waiting to be put in the ground? So why the Hell act like your life is limited by MS before it is? Yeah, I'm not going to eat that chocolate cake now, because when I'm dead I won't be able to eat anything. What a waste of imagination, time, and energy.

And haven't we gone over this exact thing 123,456 times before? We aren't counselors. Even if we were counselors, this wouldn't be the forum for therapy. We're ALL in the same boat. We don't need to constantly hear how you believe we're too stupid, deluded, or whatever to be unhappy. Besides being wrong, it's insulting. Please be considerate of others. The "maybe you can be happy with this curse" statements are, frankly, awful. Telling sick people they they have been cursed is just so appalling. It's inhumane. And after they say that they aren't happy about it but are still happy, there is still no concern for other people's feelings.

Whether you have MS or not, I believe that you need counseling. Several others have suggested the same.

[clareag]

The way I see it X will or won't happen. You can live 2 ways. You can realize that it could happen but it hasn't happened yet, so let's get busy enjoying ourselves. Or you can be sure, regardless of all evidence, that X will *absolutely* happen to you, and since it will, you might as well be just as miserable as you *think* you will be when it does happen. Because -let's be honest here - why wait until X happens to act like a disabled person who also happens to be the most negative, unhappy person who ever had MS when you can get 123,456 responses on messages about how limited your life is before X happens? Credit given for proactivity.

There is one thing, and only one thing, that we can be sure of. Death. We are, without exception, going to die. We all know it. But do we lay on the couch, pretending we're in the casket and waiting to be put in the ground? So why the Hell act like your life is limited by MS before it is? Yeah, I'm not going to eat that chocolate cake now, because when I'm dead I won't be able to eat anything. What a waste of imagination, time, and energy.

And haven't we gone over this exact thing 123,456 times before? We aren't counselors. Even if we were counselors, this wouldn't be the forum for therapy. We're ALL in the same boat. We don't need to constantly hear how you believe we're too stupid, deluded, or whatever to be unhappy. Besides being wrong, it's insulting. Please be considerate of others. The "maybe you can be happy with this curse" statements are, frankly, awful. Telling sick people they they have been cursed is just so appalling. It's inhumane. And after they say that they aren't happy about it but are still happy, there is still no concern for other people's feelings.

Whether you have MS or not, I believe that you need counseling. Several others have suggested the same.

Agree and wish everyone a more positive outlook.

[DonnaH]

Confused

The way I see it X will or won't happen. You can live 2 ways. You can realize that it could happen but it hasn't happened yet, so let's get busy enjoying ourselves. Or you can be sure, regardless of all evidence, that X will *absolutely* happen to you, and since it will, you might as well be just as miserable as you *think* you will be when it does happen. Because -let's be honest here - why wait until X happens to act like a disabled person who also happens to be the most negative, unhappy person who ever had MS when you can get 123,456 responses on messages about how limited your life is before X happens? Credit given for proactivity.

There is one thing, and only one thing, that we can be sure of. Death. We are, without exception, going to die. We all know it. But do we lay on the couch, pretending we're in the casket and waiting to be put in the ground? So why the Hell act like your life is limited by MS before it is? Yeah, I'm not going to eat that chocolate cake now, because when I'm dead I won't be able to eat anything. What a waste of imagination, time, and energy.

And haven't we gone over this exact thing 123,456 times before? We aren't counselors. Even if we were counselors, this wouldn't be the forum for therapy. We're ALL in the same boat. We don't need to constantly hear how you believe we're too stupid, deluded, or whatever to be unhappy. Besides being wrong, it's insulting. Please be considerate of others. The "maybe you can be happy with this curse" statements are, frankly, awful. Telling sick people they they have been cursed is just so appalling. It's inhumane. And after they say that they aren't happy about it but are still happy, there is still no concern for other people's feelings.

Whether you have MS or not, I believe that you need counseling. Several others have suggested the same.

I can't quite figure out if your positive or angry about us who refuse to give in to bad attitude.
Trust me I have days where I could lay around all day. I refuse to melt away though. It's not we're refusing face the fact we are all going die, the day we were born we started heading back out.
I guess my attitude is until 'something' (a bus perhaps)takes me out will do my best to appreciate each day just like I did before my DX.
Life is to short for everyone, so be happy, spread a smile as you pass by someone, hold the door for the next person.
I live on CA coast, I must admit since DX I appreciate the beauty in the waves and of the spring flowers popping up.
Smile that's whats contagious.
HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE