Can't cope with being alone

[marietta]

After twenty six years of marriage my husband dumps in a run down motel on the side of the road in Georgia and heads for Texas expecting the state to take care of me. Family can't deal with it. I am now divorced by myself in a 55 and up apartment, sick, no transportation and completely by myself. I use to chat here often and now coming back hoping to find some encouragement to keep going. I get a small alimony payment, just enough to get by. The money doesn't upset me, it's the loneliness day in and day out and trying to take care of myself by myself, that I can't deal with. I am Primary progressive and can't afford doctor appointments or medications because the deductible is so high on insurance that has to be met before they will pay anything. I can't afford to pay anything upfront. I am ready to give up. Please, any help would be appreciated.

[headrift]

I use to chat here often and now coming back hoping to find some encouragement to keep going.

There is still a chat... it's undergoing some changes right now, but you can find MS chatters here: https://kiwiirc.com/client?settings=...5f06d7771b0f6b an the current status of the chatroom here: https://www.msworld.org/forum/showth...8-MSWORLD-CHAT

Hope to see you in there.

[KoKo]

After twenty six years of marriage my husband dumps in a run down motel on the side of the road in Georgia and heads for Texas expecting the state to take care of me. Family can't deal with it. I am now divorced by myself in a 55 and up apartment, sick, no transportation and completely by myself. I use to chat here often and now coming back hoping to find some encouragement to keep going. I get a small alimony payment, just enough to get by. The money doesn't upset me, it's the loneliness day in and day out and trying to take care of myself by myself, that I can't deal with. I am Primary progressive and can't afford doctor appointments or medications because the deductible is so high on insurance that has to be met before they will pay anything. I can't afford to pay anything upfront. I am ready to give up. Please, any help would be appreciated.

Hi marietta

Thank you for sharing what's been going on with you. I'm sorry that you are going through a very difficult time. It's good that you have reached out for some help and support.

Please don't give up. There is help available.

The National MS Society can guide you to resources in your area that may help with some of your issues.

They have a personal advocate program that you may qualify for:

Through the Edward M. Dowd Personal Advocate Program, people living with MS are connected to intensive case management services when the scope of need is complex and support systems are lacking. The trained case management professionals who understand MS can help find impactful, sustainable solutions and connections.

As a result, people affected by MS:

Can rely on a supportive partner and have the best information to make life choices

Can powerfully advocate for what they need, when, and how they need it

Have expanded healthcare solution choices

Have hope and optimism for the future by being equipped with what they need to navigate the challenges of MS

Individuals who may benefit from the Edward M. Dowd Personal Advocate Program are identified through connection with an MS Navigator by calling 1-800-344-4867 or ContactUsNMSS@nmss.org.

https://www.nationalmssociety.org/Re...vocate-Program

Here is contact info to the Georgia Chapter of the NMSS:

https://www.nationalmssociety.org/Ch...?chapters=6521

Hope you continue to post here on the message boards. The new chat site should also be ready soon.

One of our goals is to help alleviate your feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Take Care

[Mamabug]

Marietta, I'm sorry ☹️ for the circumstances your husband of many years left you in.

Koko gave you good advice.

Hopefully, the case management services she mentioned can help both with financial resources, transportation, and with social supports. Maybe they can help you make connections with a local church, senior center, etc.

In the meantime, please keep coming here just to talk.

[Myoak]

Hello Marietta,

Listen sweetheart, there is newness of life, people you have yet to meet, friends to make and love to experience ahead for you.

Please keep reaching out at this site and follow up on some of the suggestions given, if you can. If you would have friends you must show yourself friendly... just as you are doing.

We all wish no one would ever get MS; that is everyone's hope. MS often involves pain, restrictions, and troubles of many sorts... physical, mental, and relationship troubles, included.

However, we, or others, are short-sighted if problems are all we find. Because we can also find compassion, thoughtfulness, empathy, and lasting relationships based much deeper and much more important qualities of humanity than looks, finances, position, or other light and transitory appeals which are destined to fade like mist.

MS, we hate it! But does something beneficial ever come of it? I believe so. I think MS causes us to meet people we would never have otherwise met. Personally, I have met people with MS who I have come to know and love in such a way that my life would have been shallow and much, much less without them.

Life takes time, Marietta. Give yourself time and keep your heart and mind open. Don't be afraid to ask others how they cope with the issues you face because many others feel as you do; some days are worse than others, I guess that is universal. But learn, and goodness will come your way. I believe happiness will, too. There are people who need you, also. So be kind and giving; I don't need to say that because I know you are.

The good part of the future is that those you encounter and share with are probably deeper people than some of those in your past. Within these new encounters are the people who will bless your life and sustain your life.

You are beautiful! I say that because you are! Believe in yourself and believe in life!

[marti]

Very sorry to hear about your problems. I don't think I can give you any advice, but I can sympathize. My husband passed away last June. I am still grieving and will for a long time. I know this isn't the same thing as your situation.

I have not felt a real loneliness because I've had a lot of support. Sometimes too much support. I have kind of enjoyed being left alone. Some days I stow away in my house with the blinds closed and in the dark to avoid visitors. Maybe part of my grieving process. Finding my "new normal". Hope you find yours soon.

[Jules A]

Just wanted to say hi and I'm sorry you are struggling.

[kittysmith]

So sorry.

I have no words of wisdom. I will be sending some positive vibes your way. I am very sorry you are in such a rough situation. Please keep posting and let us know how you are. I hope some good times are right around the bend.

Kitty

[Cat Mom]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, MS is such an isolating disease. Being on here makes me feel so not alone with this disease. I don't have anything wise to say but I'm sending healing vibes your way. Please stay in touch with all of us, it may help with your feelings of being lonely.

[MermaidOP]

Don't Give Up!

Dear Marietta,
Thank you for sharing your story. My thoughts are with you. I am older also, and can sometimes feel as if my world is becoming smaller and smaller. Each day, however, can offer some new opportunity to begin again when I am able to give it a chance. I urge you to persevere.

Don't give up. The practical suggestions given here sound useful in helping with your medical /financial difficulties. I hope you can pursue them and that they work out at least a little.

For me, with secondary progressive, I don't really get better, but I have been sick for almost fifty years. I guess I feel that although things don't get better over time, time has helped me be stronger in it.

Stay lifted,
Mermaid Susan

[palmtree]

Your situation is heartbreaking. I have a couple of ideas that might give you hope.

The first thing I would do is call 211 and ask how you can find a social worker to come to your home. There are resources. it takes hard work to track them down. If you can get Medicaid they will pay for you to have someone come in and help you. They can clean. They can shop. They can take you places and they can be a friend. Most cities have senior centers where someone can come over and show you what you can get.

Your family expects the state to take care of you but I wonder if you are taking advantage of what is out there. I hit the wall a couple of years ago and I got on the phone and sought out every resource I could find. I was able to get food stamps, Low Income Energy Assistance Program pays for winter heating bills, my state has a renters credit for seniors and I am on the waiting list for Section 8.

Most of these things give you more financial security but they don’t offer you friends.

The reason I am suggesting you seek out more financial resources is because there is a lot you can do with a little extra cash. Put an ad in Craigslist offering a job for a caregiver and companion for senior citizen with MS. Explain what your needs are and find someone. You have to be careful with Craigslist but I have found a lot of terrific people. Schoolteachers are an excellent choice. They have been vetted and all need more than what the school pays them.

If none of this seems possible for you maybe you need a more built in social life. Assisted living places have some slots for Medicaid. There you will have caregivers and share meals with everyone else.

I hope some little piece of this helps. If you get busy advocating for yourself more people will be attracted to you.

[marietta]

reply to all who wrote

I got worse and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks and was so mistreated. The hospital I was in was horrible. Instead of being supportive, my family are putting me down for telling someone I was in trouble and then to come home to a mailbox full of bills I can't pay. So much for opening up to someone when your in trouble. Thank you for everyone who wrote me. I appreciate everyone of you.

[palmtree]

I got worse and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks and was so mistreated. The hospital I was in was horrible. Instead of being supportive, my family are putting me down for telling someone I was in trouble and then to come home to a mailbox full of bills I can't pay. So much for opening up to someone when your in trouble. Thank you for everyone who wrote me. I appreciate everyone of you.

I wish you had told us you were getting so desperate. When you reach out rule numberONE is to avoid the suicide question. They will press you and press you and you have to lie (unfortunately). If they get a yes answer out of you you will suddenly be a criminal. There are resources where a therapist can come to your home. I found a really kind young woman from a local Jewish organization. They often have funds for things like that, remember no suicide talk!

As far as your medical bills you are not stuck with them. Call the billing office for every bill and request a hardship application. You will qualify. Most likely they will reduce it by 100%. I know it’s hard when you feel hopeless but every little thing you do for yourself will make you stronger, if you can eventually find a group of people to meet with outside the home things will turn around, take your time. Just keep moving forward,

[REG53]

I am so sorry you are alone and having problems. I hope you take the advise that others have given you because you can get thru this.

There is always hope. Love and prayers sent your way.

[marietta]

reply to coping

The problem is that I have no way to go to anything outside my home. I don't have the income to allow for transportation. I have heard all the suggestions and appreciate everyone. Either I am not 65 or I have just enough income to not qualify. I keep trying, but when you are so depressed and hit a wall at every turn, it is hard to keep challenging yourself. That doesn't even include having very progressive MS, epilepsy, bladder disease and going blind (about 70%) and know support from family. I don't know how to deal. The hospital I went to had no therapy to help to learn new skills. I haven't even been divorced but for 8 months and my x isn't making it any easier. Thanks for listening.