Relationships

[Ant1981]

Just curious of all thr folks in relationships and marriages here.

im newly single and one day I’m hopeful I will meet the right one for me.

I ask does your partner have MS too, or does not and doesn’t mind you have the disease even after your disclosure?

i just don’t know if my dating pool will be limited wen it comes time to get myself back on the market after I piece my life back together and stay stable.

Just curious about others stories, looks like I’ll need some time even tho I’m 30 to be relationship rdy.

[Ant1981]

I’m 37-38

Just curious of all thr folks in relationships and marriages here.

im newly single and one day I’m hopeful I will meet the right one for me.

I ask does your partner have MS too, or does not and doesn’t mind you have the disease even after your disclosure?

i just don’t know if my dating pool will be limited wen it comes time to get myself back on the market after I piece my life back together and stay stable.

Just curious about others stories, looks like I’ll need some time even tho I’m 30 to be relationship rdy.

i actually 37, 38 jan 31

[502E79]

Just curious of all thr folks in relationships and marriages here.

im newly single and one day I’m hopeful I will meet the right one for me.

I ask does your partner have MS too, or does not and doesn’t mind you have the disease even after your disclosure?

i just don’t know if my dating pool will be limited wen it comes time to get myself back on the market after I piece my life back together and stay stable.

Just curious about others stories, looks like I’ll need some time even tho I’m 30 to be relationship rdy.

Hi Ant!

Christmas Day and here I am responding to a thread that maybe I should leave to others...? But here goes.

First a disclaimer: Never married, no current relationship (partner passed). And an older male.

At 37 your "pool" of prospects will be more mature, therefore more accepting. They will appreciate honesty. This doesn't mean that you "... will meet the right one for me." Expect disappointment, maintain patience. Your pool will be limited to the extent that maturity will be a necessity. Nothing against a person who is a work in progress (aren't we all?), but maintaining a continued state of awareness that MS may eventually become a deal breaker is important.

Just as you see someone and take a second glance, so often may a potential mate do the same. Most of this attraction is surface and will limit your dating pool simply because you / they aren't tall enough, bit to fat / thin, wealthy, pick a
reason.

Guard against this kind of winnowing. It's immature and we all need to be reminded to put aside this kind of thinking. Especially with MS, anxiety, worry, & concerns that exist solely in our own minds are impediments to any true communication. Believe me when I say true communication (trust) between any two people is rare and needs to be continuously nurtured.

Time will take a toll IMO, work to understand your emotions. Something I was thinking of adding to the "memorable quotes" thread, but here is just as appropriate...

"Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it."
--Spinoza (Ethics)

Enjoy the day! Oh! Prayer always helps... not necessarily petition, but gratitude, I suspect you're quite a catch, there's honesty in the lines you type... between them too!

[pennstater]

Hi Ant,

My husband doesn't have MS or any medical condition. I was diagnosed at 41, met him at 44, and married at 48.

Afyer 2 years following diagnosis, I was at a good place of acceptance and living life with MS as just one part of it. I was having fun again, felt more like myself, and was generally happy. I wasn't looking for a relationship, but one year later, met my future husband.

I think that was the key - that I was in a good place and wasn't looking for a serious relationship and marriage. It just happened naturally.

I tried to give him an out, but he had his eyes open on MS. I made him discuss with my neuro and what life could possibly be. His thoughts - noone knows their future and for all we knew, I could wind up taking care of him.

So hang in there. Focus on what you need to, be true to yourself, an when you are feeling better, who knows who you may meet.

[Ant1981]

Thank yiu

I appreciate the thoughtful responses, I’m was just coming out of a 6 year relationship fraught with trouble with trouble... tho there was good times the bad overshadowed them.

I looked to to replace the relationship with another but alas, it was met with more frustrating experiences. I finally realized it’s time for ME! I have surrendered my futile attempts at another relationship especially when I needed to cultivate the one within myself. I’ve got school to focus on, my finances and my future. Once I get myself in a better place mentally and financially/career I then will be happier on my own. This is a campaign of bettering myself for years and I now know that this is my path, everything else shall follow in its own time

[Daisycat]

Everyone will be different with this. I know that if my current relationship does not last I will never get into another serious relationship again. I do not have the time or energy involved with starting up a new relationship. To be fair though I always said this before this stuff happened so I am not sure if this thing has anything to do with it or if it just reinforced my view.

But if you want another relationship, there are great people out there who aren't going to care about the fact that you have what you do. They are going to love you for you and are not going to let something like that chnage how they see you.

Focus on yourself and future (sounds like you are doing a great job) and hopefully everything else will fall into place.

[Medina89]

I am married and ms did not change my relationship to my husband,we have our issues but they have been there before my ms and are getting better ever since.I am 29 ,he is 32 and perfectly healthy.he is very into reading about ms,and tries to make me follow an ms friendly diet.

[Cat Mom]

I have been with my husband for 20 years, married for 8. We are both each others' second marriages. I have 3 kids (adults now) and he also has 3 (adults too). We both had sole custody of our kids so they were all raised in our home. Most live on their own now so my pup and kitties get most of my attention! I've had MS for 13 years and he doesn't have it, although he has other health issues too. I am 53 and he is 57. Hope this helps!
Jen

[marti]

My son, who is 41 years old, has been trying to meet a nice woman. He's good looking, funny, intelligent and healthy. Where does someone like that go to meet women?? He's having a hard time finding people on the dating sites because they are not exactly honest and above board places to find any legitimate prospects.

He's been very careful about who he dates... almost too picky and he just ended a six year relationship with someone we thought was perfect for him. Things happen. I don't know where anyone goes to meet possible friends. He doesn't do the bar thing and doesn't go to church. The age makes it a little tricky for him.

In the meantime, my husband died last June and I consider myself to be still married to him. I'm not interested in starting over. You sound like a nice guy and deserve someone who will love you without reservation. There is someone out there for you! Let us know how this turns out.

[MMMMS]

MS, like any condition, is a great loser filter. We're in the great position of knowing that every self-centered person in the world will show his colors early on. Less time wasted. MS is like having X-ray vision into people's true character.

Other people can be fooled by the loser's good guy act for too long.


The older we are, the less likely it is that any health condition will be a deal breaker. The older we are, the more likely it is that all of us have something wrong.

If we don't make MS our defining feature, others won't either.

[gargantua]

MS is like having X-ray vision into people's true character.

I understand the spirit of this but at the same time we can't expect people to understand the implications of MS right out of the gate, nor what to "not worry about." Having MS should not temper the ability to forgive or teach.

[Ant1981]

Thank you

I appreciate all the thoughts and responses, I feel that it’s not my time but then again when is? Could be tomorrow or years from now. I just go about my business being the best I can with my current life situation (job, money, student/career chg, eating right and exercising regularly). Basically taking care of myself and trying to improve myself. I’m sure I’ll run into someone, it’s only a matter of time I feel.

patience, one thing MS has been teaching me, from waiting for my recovery to appreciating the small things just a little more now.

[502E79]

patience, one thing MS has been teaching me, from waiting for my recovery to appreciating the small things just a little more now.

THIS IS GOLD, now the key will be to hold on whenever adversity shows up!

[MMMMS]

I live by it. You might think it's harsh, but you would be misunderstanding it.

There are losers out there who would never, ever, take someone who isn't physically close to perfect. That's their prerogative. Those are the people who will drop you in an instant if your physical near-perfection is compromised. MS automatically filters those people out. And who would want them, anyway, even if we didn't have MS?

This doesn't mean that we are rejecting anyone. THEY reject anyone who is less than near-perfect. We hold up what we are, and they choose to tangle themselves in the filter. Their choice, not ours.

It's not about educating anyone. They've done the rejecting, so how do you educate them? Chase them down and beg to be heard? And why would it be your responsibility to educate someone who won't accept less than near-perfection, anyway? Want to educate them? Live happy without them. Feel blessed that you didn't waste more time with that kind of person. Love and appreciate your true friends that much more.

We can forgive people for being who they are. I don't know how having this really great filter would prevent that.

MS limits our pool of friends to only the true and good. That's a very nice silver lining, I think. Everyone else was only ever an acquaintance.

I understand the spirit of this but at the same time we can't expect people to understand the implications of MS right out of the gate, nor what to "not worry about." Having MS should not temper the ability to forgive or teach.

[gargantua]

MS limits our pool of friends to only the true and good. That's a very nice silver lining, I think. Everyone else was only ever an acquaintance.

I think it just depends on one's definition of "true and good." Those qualities in others don't always revolve around accepting me. There are all sorts of petty reasons people have rejected me in the past. One person called me "hippy dippy." Another person disliked one small philosophical comment made on a political basis. Others may look at my attire and steer clear. Etc etc. And yes, there will be those who may not give me the time of day should my deficiencies due to MS ever become highly visible.

What MS has done for me is to cause me to reach out to nearly everyone I know with this news. The amazing thing has been seeing who came forward embracing it with questions and personal reassurances. In that regard MS has been a litnus test for who is true and good, as you say.

As for the "not true and good" people, if I loved them before, I still love them. I forgive them their inability to understand. I especially forgive them their fear. Unless someone is aggressively out to harm me, I have no reason to consider them not to be "true and good."